My thoughts on the 2023 movies I subjected myself to this year

I’ve got good news and bad news on what I thought of the movies I willingly subjected myself to in 2023. First the bad news as it is my blog and I can say and write what I want without the reader’s input whoever they are.

“Barbie” (2023) – A friend of mine from Chi-raq (once called Chicago) went on such a tirade bashing the 1 billion box office hit of the year when I talked to him a few weeks ago I felt like I was having a one-on-one negative conversation with myself. To be fair, when I attempted to watch “Barbie” on Max Dec. 15 I fell asleep ten minutes into the film. My dozing off had nothing to do with the overhyped toy doll movie boring me however. I was overly tired and may have been coming down with onset flu and/or a sinus infection I usually get at this time of year thanks to the Texas weather. When I got sick at this time last December I found myself breathing heavy that turned out I had COVID…again - second time in two years. Trouble is I watched “Barbie” again the following week and still fell asleep – this time an hour later so now I know my dozing off has nothing to do with my declining health. It's the movie! I’ve no plans to return to “Barbie-Land” (or is it “Ken-Land?”) anytime soon to finish watching it. Not owning roller blades much less know how to roller blade will make it even more difficult getting there which the one billion people who saw “Barbie” say is a place that actually exists.



“Everything Everywhere All at Once” (2022) – Ball gags, butt plugs, dildos, dominatrixes, sex dungeons…oh my! The movie had everything a proud member of the LGBTQ community wants in an Oscar winning movie that embarrassingly won best picture. Fans of the film don’t bother preaching to me how underneath all the sex toys was a meaningfully twisted story about acceptance no matter what one thinks of another’s personal interests let alone the life/predicament an overworked Chinese immigrant and mother (Michelle Yeoh) never imagined themselves in. Unlike everyone else who saw the film I barfed up the picture’s proposed “bagel” twenty minutes into it and like “Barbie” I have no intention returning to that multiverse to finish that “bagel” anytime soon. And people wonder why I no longer call “Tinseltown” Hollywood but “Hollyweird.”



“The Exorcist: Believer” (2023) – Not as bad as “Halloween Ends” (2022) but of course, nowhere near as hauntingly memorable let alone controversial as the original 1973 demonic possessed horror classic. Satan will probably agree with me on this.

“The Flash and Indiana Jones and The Dial of Destiny” (2023) – Should have waited for them to hit the streaming services where I could have saved the money I spent at the box office and at the concessions.

“Godzilla Minus One” (2023) – The 37th movie in the never-dying Godzilla franchise which has grossed $80 million at the box office here in the states so far almost succeeded winning me over with themes about guilt, family loyalty, tragedy – things I’ve never seen in any Godzilla movie to date. Those underlying themes lasted 90 minutes. Too bad the remaining 30 minutes channeled “Star Wars: Episode IX – The Rise of Skywalker” (2019), “Jaws” (1975) and “Independence Day” (1996) turning the surprise hit into yet another Hollywood disaster monster movie starring an angry giant blue laser spewing walking lizard or whatever it is our atomic bombs created at the end of World War II.



“Leave the World Behind” (2023) – Took me a few days to finish what I felt like was a proposed and then rejected screenplay for a “Twilight Zone” episode and then expanded into an overlong two-hour apocalyptic disaster movie starring Julia Roberts. Should I watch it again the only reasons may be to bash it in a review and count how many times Julia Roberts says “fuck.” I was so irritated with whatever the film’s message was with its love it or hate it ending I didn’t realize the picture was produced by the Obamas.

“The Marvels” (2023) – As someone who finds Marvel movies “despicable” like director Francis Ford Coppola I won’t lie and say I didn’t do my own little happy dance movie mogul Les Grossman (Tom Cruise) does at the end of “Tropic Thunder” (2008) upon hearing the joyous news that “Woke” Disney’s latest entry in the Marvel Cinematic Universe, “The Marvels” bombed opening weekend in November. I didn’t listen to the critics, or the warnings from another friend of mine from “Chi-raq” who if he had a social media account he'd list his screenname as “Mr. Fucker”. I had to see “The Marvels” for myself. At least “Suicide Squad” (2016) was a fun bad movie I loved to hate and had The Joker (Jared Leto). “The Marvels” was so bad Disney stopped reporting box office receipts two weeks after its release and the film’s failure cannot be attributed to just one reason.



“Oppenheimer” (2023) – The ONLY two reasons director Christopher Nolan’s three-hour history lesson (if you call that) got so much attention is one, the film’s timeliness considering how close we are to midnight on the Doomsday Clock standing on the brink of World War III with China, Hamas forces, Iran, Russia and every other country President Biden has kissed ass since he turned the USA into his own little “Bizarro Land” in 2020 that not a single country in the world is afraid of America’s might any longer. The other is the controversy surrounding the relationship the father of the atomic bomb (Cillian Murphy) had with his mistress Jean Tatlock (Florence Pugh) in particular the scene where Oppenheimer recites the Hindu text of the Bhagavad-Gita that upset some viewers. The dream sequence where Tatlock and Oppenheimer are having sex as he is being questioned by a senate committee while his wife Katherine (Emily Blunt) looks on would have made director Oliver Stone proud.

“Rebel Moon” (2023) – Netflix’s answer to “Star Wars” in 2023 on the flat screen is equivalent to what ABC tried to do with “Battlestar Galactica” (1978-79) as its answer to “Star Wars” (1977) on Sunday nights 45 years ago. I have no doubt “Nerdville”, “The Big Bang Theory Crowd” and the “Negative Nancys” are sitting around right now having boring intelligent long-winded discussions about director Zack Snyder’s latest sci-fi fantasy epic making comparisons to that other “galaxy far, far away” in between such questions as to who they think would win in a lightsaber battle, Darth Vader or Darth Maul.



I wasn’t thinking about “Star Wars” watching “Rebel Moon”. I was thinking how this overhyped soulless visual exercise about a female soldier (Sofia Boutella), whose world is threatened by another “Galactic Empire” called the “Motherworld”, journeys to other cities and planets to recruit warriors is more a remake of Roger Corman’s produced sci-fi B grade movie “Battle Beyond the Stars” (1980) which was in turn inspired by the 1960 western, “The Magnificent Seven.” I do, however, give Zack Snyder credit. He doesn’t make sci-fi/fantasy movies to please the masses, the critics and the powers-that-be at the studios. If he did he’d still be making Justice League and Superman sequels at what is now called the “DC Universe” at Warner Bros. Pictures. Perhaps Snyder’s R rated three-hour director’s cut of “Rebel Moon” likely due out late next year will feature the one thing missing from the shortened 135-minute release – characters worth rooting for and villains worth loathing.

Whitney Houston: I Wanna Dance with Somebody (2022) – I ask the same question I asked in 2022 when everyone embraced Baz Luhrmann’s “Elvis” that failed to sweep the Oscars, including best actor. Where is the joy in watching a predictable biopic about a music icon who lived fast, died young and left a good-looking corpse? To date not a single person has been able to answer that question! It’s not a trick question! Why do they keep failing to give me the answer I’m looking for?

Do I like anything “Hollyweird” makes?

No doubt after reading my assessment of the following titles you will wonder why I waste my time sitting in front of the flatscreen.

God only knows just how many times I’ve asked myself that same question. I rarely see the latest releases at the box office now waiting instead for them to hit the streaming services a month later. And no, my reason for avoiding the movie houses is not because of the pandemic.

With all the excrement I’ve sat through this year along with the past five years or more I’ve gotten to the point maybe it’s time to just leave the flatscreen off for a while and pick up one of the books I’ve got sitting in storage bins that I’ve yet to open and read.

Hence the good news! The bottom line is I haven’t given up on the motion picture industry. I’m just no longer buying what “Hollyweird” is selling. They aren’t movies. They are products.

I’ll stick to the old stuff of yesteryear like the “Airport” disaster movies of the 70s, “Bullitt” (1968), “Forbidden Planet” (1956), “The Great Race” (1965) ,“Logan’s Run” (1976) and “North by Northwest” (1959). Films I’ve seen numerous times the past few decades that I’ve watched again this year on streaming services and countless others that were free of woke agendas (You listening “Woke” Disney?), superheroes from the Marvel and DC franchises whose low box office receipts prove they’ve overstayed their welcome, sequels and remakes no one asked for and predictable gone-too-soon music biopics where I already know how they end.

What’s kept me from boycotting “Hollyweird” completely is hope that one day Tinseltown will return to making movies entertaining again to the point I’m excited to see them on the big or small screen and if they are so good I can't wait to watch them again later.

There are movies I’ve seen over the past ten years that prove “Hollyweird” can make a good movie if they really gave a crap about what audiences want to see. “The Social Network” (2010), “Argo” (2012), “Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice” (2016), “La La Land” (2016) and “Rogue One: A Star Wars Story” (2016) proved that…IN MY OPINION! NOT YOURS! Pictures I will review eventually adding to my personal list of the 100 best films I don’t tire of watching on occasion.

I still believe sometime in the coming years before I leave this world both literally and physically (since I want my remains sent off into space) and become one with “The Dark Side of The Force” “Hollyweird” might and I stress the word “might” make a movie that’s worth seeing more than once or to quote Judd Nelson’s foul-mouthed rebellious high school student John Bender from “The Breakfast Club” (1985) (another classic I've seen numerous times) “pumps my nads!”

©12/20/23

Appreciation: Bobby Knight (1940-2023)

When it comes to sports, I've always considered it a forbidden subject I want to know nothing about. 

There have only been less than a handful of moments in my life where I have been interested in sports. One of them happened in 2001 whenever a sportscaster mentioned the name, “Bobby Knight.”

At the time, I wasn't interested in learning if Knight’s team, the Texas Tech Red Raiders won or lost. I wanted to see if “The General,” Knight’s nickname, would do what he had done so many times before - churn out what would likely be another Oscar-nominated, foul mouthed performance. There is no doubt most anything he said would probably wind up as yet another addition to the already growing media library of famous clips and sound bites seen on http://www.youtube.com/.

For me, as far as college basketball was concerned, Bobby Knight WAS the show. If I had been a student at Indiana or Texas Tech at the time he was there, I most likely would have attended the games just to see how he’d react.

That era ended on Feb. 4, 2008 and I don’t believe college basketball has been the same since.

Much to the surprise of fans but not those who believed he always took charge of his own destiny, Knight announced during mid-season that day he was retiring as head coach of the Texas Tech Red Raiders handing the reigns over to his son, Patrick Knight.

I paid no attention to Knight’s early controversial antics back in his days at Indiana arguing with referees. I knew nothing, for example, about the infamous 1985 chair-throwing incident where Knight reacted to a referee’s call during a game against the Purdue Boilermakers.

Knight's foul-mouthed, sometimes volatile yet informative interview with contributing editor Lawrence Grobel in the March 2001 issue of Playboy magazine piqued my interest.



Here was a guy who had done a number of positive things for basketball since he began coaching in 1962, first at the United States Military Academy until 1971, when he took over as head coach at Indiana University. The college was the place Knight probably thought he’d spend his entire coaching career until his retirement. An altercation with freshman Kent Harvey where Knight yelled and grabbed the student by the arm for not showing him any respect ended "The General's" controversial chapter there when the powers-that-be fired the coaching legend on Sept. 10, 2001.

Not surprisingly that particular incident was among many Grobel discussed with Knight in the Playboy interview. Knight, who was getting fed up having to explain himself again about various incidents at one point demanded the contributing editor hand him the interview tapes so he could destroy them.

I don’t blame Knight for losing it when dealing with the press. My respect for the news media has eroded so much the past three decades to the point I now call them "Fake News." Who doesn't? I put journalists in the same category as the slimy lawyers who know full well their clients did the crime, and yet manage to get them off anyway. They play favorites. Why else did Joe Biden get elected president in 2020? They always print the negatives, never the positives and never, ever give both sides of a story. That includes Fox News and Newsmax.

“These guys sometimes believe they've been ordained from on high to give the general opinion of the populace, and that just isn't the case,” Knight told Grobel. “The thing that bothers me the most about the media is simple accuracy. There are as many guys in coaching who do a lousy job as there are in the media. Those are two professions that are a lot alike. There aren't a hell of a lot of really good coaches or writers.”

Today, if I want to get to the real story, I got to listen to conservative talk radio. So it was with great delight upon reading about Knight’s retirement at the time, I found several clips of him on http://www.youtube.com/ berating the news media - a profession he once defined as “one or two steps above prostitution.”

I was practically short of cheering him on.



Who can blame Knight for getting upset when a sportswriter asked him one time, how did it feel to lose to a team after recently coming off of another win? The question is the equivalent of having a nurse come in and say to an old man suffering from terminal cancer who is about to go through another round of chemotherapy, “How are we doing today?”

When someone asked him if he ever has a “game face” when he is out coaching during the games, Knight told the reporter he had no idea what that was.

“In my entire adult life, I have never used the expression game face,” he said. “So I have no (expletive) idea what it means or what you are supposed to do.”

Knight then gave several humorous “game face” looks to the media.

When a reporter asked Knight back in 1993 how he thinks his player Damon Bailey will play in 1994, Knight said he would have to wait until then to see him play. He then grabbed an empty glass, banged on it a few times and treated it like it was a crystal ball.

“The image is fading…just a second, just a second…coming back, coming back, yes, yes…images are tough to deal with. Sometimes you got to get them in line,” he mockingly said. “Yes, I see…I see Bailey doing better.”

When the same reporter asked him practically the same question but in a different way, Knight picked up the glass saying “this is a (expletive) damn piece of cheap crystal here.”

“This isn’t expensive enough to answer all these questions,” he said. “Wait a minute there is something forming here, forming…it says, “What a (expletive) question.”

Like that Playboy interview which addressed a majority of Knight’s less-than-stellar moments, I wasn’t surprised upon reading about his retirement how practically every article I read about him brought up almost as many negatives as they did positives.

The fact is the guy wasn't perfect. None of us are but his impressive coaching record spoke for itself.

Since coaching in 1962, Knight racked up a combined total of 902 wins and 371 loses.

While at Indiana, he led his teams to three NCAA Division I Tournament Championships in 1976, 1981, and 1987, one National Invitation Tournament championship in 1979, and 11 Big Ten Conference championships in 1973, 74, 75, 76, 80, 81, 83, 87, 89, 91, and 93.

In the 1984 Olympics, his U.S. basketball team received the gold medal and in 1991, he was voted into the National Basketball Hall of Fame.

In looking up articles on the internet, not once did I find anything about him involved in illegal recruitment practices or drug problems; issues that often plague or put an end to a college’s prestigious athletic departments.

When Knight put on that Texas Tech sweater for the first time in 2001 after being hired as the university’s new basketball coach, he called it “the most comfortable red sweater I have had on six years.”

When Bob Weltlich, a former assistant coach Knight hired back in his days at the United States Military Academy and then at Indiana before taking a coaching job at Mississippi in 1977, he asked his former employer and friend during Knight’s 41st season what is it that keeps him coaching.

Knight said he liked the game of basketball.

“Guys play chess forever,” he said “I might as well coach forever.”



I would have liked to see Knight wait until he reached a total of 1,000 wins before announcing his retirement from coaching the sport at the time. Perhaps at the age of 67 in 2008 with 902 wins under his belt maybe there was not a whole lot more to prove.

It's been 22 years since I got interested in college basketball thanks to Bobby Knight. I predicted back then the only other time I'd talk about "The General" would be when another chapter would end.

That one came to an end on Nov. 1, 2023 when Bobby Knight passed away at 83. 

Knight's death brought to mind a speech he gave in 1994 at Indiana University before the Hoosiers game against Wisconsin.

"When my time on earth is gone, and my activities here are passed, I want they bury me upside down, and my critics can kiss my ass!"

I've a feeling "The General" finally got his wish much to his delight.

©11/3/2023

Gone Too Soon: Matthew Perry (1969-2023)

Near the end of the first episode of “Friends” (1994-2004) when Rachel Greene (Jennifer Aniston) cuts up all her credit cards, Monica Geller (Courteney Cox) congratulates her saying, “Welcome to the real world! It sucks! You’re gonna love it!”

To die-hard fans of the popular NBC sitcom, the line might as well now be “Welcome to the real world! It sucks!” in the wake of actor Matthew Perry, who for ten seasons delighted viewers as the sarcastic Chandler Bing, was found dead at his Los Angeles home Oct. 28 at age 54.

Anyone familiar with Perry’s battles with alcohol and substance abuse since his teenage years is a born liar if they don’t believe in the back of their minds the tragic possibility that maybe the actor, like so many others in the entertainment industry, was unable to fully conquer their demons.

It’s still too early for me to add Perry to that “Gone Too Soon” list of talents whose untimely demises get more tabloid coverage than the ones still with us who’ve beaten or are still battling their personal struggles with mental illness, alcohol and substance abuse or a combination of all three. (Ben Affleck and Robert Downey Jr. come to mind).

The list of “Gone Too Soon” icons may be short, but the amount of talent lost is great.

John Belushi (33), Chris Farley (33), Carrie Fisher (60), James Gandolfini (51), Judy Garland (47), Anne Heche (53), Jimi Hendrix (27), Philip Seymour Hoffman (46), William Holden (63), Whitney Houston (48), Michael Jackson (50), Janis Joplin (27), Margot Kidder (69), Heath Ledger (28), Marilyn Monroe (36), Jim Morrison (27), Adam Rich (54), Delores O’Riordan (46), River Pheonix (23), Dana Plato (34), Elvis Presley (42), Prince (57), Brad Renfro (25), Jean Seberg (40), Amy Winehouse (27).

Regardless of what the results are weeks from now when Perry’s toxicology report is released the negative opinion will still be the same. While cause of death is pending and listed as "deferred" antidepressants, anti-anxiety and chronic obstructive pulmonary disease medications were found at the actor's home. To quote Luke Skywalker from “Star Wars – Episode VIII: The Last Jedi” (2017) “This is not going to go the way you think.”

The difference is I don’t want to know the results. I’m not the only one alone in this. Emma Heming Willis, wife of actor Bruce Willis, shared the same sentiment a few days after Perry’s passing in a post on social media.

“I don’t need to hear the 911 dispatch. I don’t need to know the autopsy report. Why? Because it’s absolutely none of my business. This level of lookie-loo and entitlement is God awful, and I will never understand it. Let this man rest in peace and show some respect. Give his family and friends grace to mourn and grieve without all this noise.”

A year from now, if not sooner, Perry’s untimely end will be graphically chronicled in “Autopsy: The Last Hours of…” (2014-Present) where medical examiner, Dr. Michael Hunter, will give a rundown leading up to the actor’s final hours. The so-called documentary series is not a celebration of how these icons lived but a macabre look at how they died that gives the viewers (assuming they give a rat’s ass about their own health) what NOT to do to their bodies if they want to live to be in their 80s and 90s.

Perry was right about one thing in his interview with Diane Sawyer last year while promoting his autobiography, "Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing", when he said he didn’t want “Friends” to be the first thing people remember when he passes away.

If I watch anything he did it’s going to be his movies (“Fools Rush In” – 1997, “The Whole Nine Yards” – 2000) and his guest appearances on “The West Wing” (1999-2006) and “Scrubs” (2001-2010) and the one hit full season order wonders “Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip” (2006-2007), “Mr. Sunshine” (2o11-2012) and “The Odd Couple” (2015-2017) which lasted two seasons – all of which aired during the post “Friends” era.

I can’t say the same about reading his memoir, however. Reading it would be different if he were alive today. Reading it now would be like watching those depressing “gone-too-soon” musical biopics (“The Doors” – 1991, “Elvis” - 2022, “Whitney Houston: I Wanna Dance With Somebody” - 2022) where I already know how their life stories end and begs the question where is the joy watching a two-hour plus biopic about a beloved icon who lived fast, died young and left a good looking corpse.

No one to date has ever been able to give me a straight answer short of saying, “they see movies to be entertained.” If they told me such biopics bring out a new generation of fans I might, and I stress the word might, give them a very small, miniscule amount of credit.

If there’s anything positive that can be said about the loss of Matthew Perry it is the knowledge his book may help save others battling alcohol and substance abuse.

“The best thing about me, bar none, is that if an alcoholic or drug addict comes up to me and says, ‘Will you help me?’ I can say yes and follow up and do it. When I die, I don’t want “Friends” to be the first thing that’s mentioned. I want that to be the first that’s mentioned, and I’m going live the rest of my life proving that.”

A shame the end came much sooner than fans expected.

©11/1/23

Appreciation: Edward M. Ward (1941-2023)

Summer band camps. Marching band at high school football games in the fall and concerts at area grade schools chomping down on Big Macs at Mcdonald’s during lunch or hot dogs soon afterwards.

Solo contests every spring and concerts in December before Christmas vacation and May before the three-month-long summer break. End of the year pool parties. Even a performance I wanted no part of in seventh-grade school play during the 1982-83 school year which felt like I had signed a contract without actually reading it.

None of this would have happened had I not joined the band at St. Louise de Marillac School (1958-2020)in La Grange Park, Ill in 1980 from fourth to eighth grade when I graduated in May 1984.

St. Louise band directors Ed Ward and Louise Thorson.

The band was under the direction of music teachers Edward M. Ward and Louise Thorson (1952-2018). Of course, we never called them by their first names. We always addressed them as Mr. Ward and Ms. Thorson much the way we called all the teachers there as Mr., Mrs., Ms. or when it came to the nuns “Sister.”

For almost five years my band uniform would be blue slacks, a white shirt, a yellow blazer band jacket and a black tie, if I remember correctly. In 8th grade those ties were called “dickies”. Anyone in my class who had yet to grow up (I’m willing to bet some of them still have yet to grow up four decades later) and whose mind was always in the gutter would laugh when hearing the word “dickie.” The childish way certain classmates I knew who laughed hearing the word (they know who they are) was equivalent to how Joey Tribiani (Matt LeBlanc) would laugh every time Rachel (Jennifer Aniston) said she needed to call her baby’s pediatrician, Dr. Weiner, in “Friends” (1994-2004).

My introduction to the music world, so to speak, began in fourth grade with our class being required to play the flutophone to perform with the band during a spring performance. I don’t remember what made me want to join the band or why but somehow upon meeting Mr. Ward I wound up picking an instrument called the cornet, a fatter version of the trumpet which was the only thing that stood out in terms of appearance. So far as I know the cornet still churned out the same notes as any other, assuming the one playing it can a “play” the music and not the notes.

I’ve said in a couple blogs I wrote about my time at St Louise that a lot if not all the teachers who taught me possessed one trait that made them stand out from the rest. In the case of Mr. Ward and Ms. Thorson I cannot put my finger on just one thing.

I will always remember the glasses he had on those five years. I never saw him with them off until I saw his obituary picture in August this year. He and his wife, Dale, ran The Bandstand from 1973 to 1996 in Brookfield, Illinois where I lived for a time before moving to La Grange Park. I still recall the big sign displayed outside the store near the train tracks in downtown Brookfield that made the place somehow stand out like it was the town staple. The store was also where I oftentimes went to practice during spring break for the upcoming solo contests held every year.

I know many students Mr. Ward taught since 1959 at several schools in the Chicago area will attest to how he always cracked jokes. In my case it’s not his jokes I remember though. I recall his wrath more so than his humor much the way I recall Ms. Thorson being furious at my lousy horn playing during a Thursday rehearsal in seventh grade than anything else.

My first year at summer band camp, Mr. Ward, who not only doubled as being a music teacher but also the camp’s director, introduced himself to all of us students who were from several schools throughout the Chicago area saying, “My name is Mr. Ward. Also known by some as the mean guy.”

Mr. Ward wasn’t lying either. There were a few times at band camp where I saw him disciplining a student. Other times during that week I would hear him storming through the boy’s dormitory screaming at students to stop blaring out their own music and start practicing on the pieces they were going to be playing that Friday morning at Six Flags Great America in Gurnee, Ill.

I won’t deny there were times I was the subject of his wrath throughout those five years. When Mr. Ward signaled with his baton for us all to have horns up to begin playing one Thursday afternoon rehearsal, he immediately said “Horns down” glaring at me telling the band, “We have to wait for Joe Stumpo to get along with the program.”

While practicing for the solo contest in spring 83’ Ms. Thorson complained to Mr. Ward how I developed a bad habit of not keeping my ring finger on the third valve of the cornet. Mr. Ward told Ms. Thorson, acting like as though I wasn’t in the room (but I was) saying “Well maybe we need to either glue or nail his fingers to the cornet then to stop that.”

Anyone else would have taken that comment with less than a grain of salt if he or she even cared. My being 12-years-old at the time, I thought he was serious.

When Mr. Ward asked us band members in the seventh and eighth grade if we wanted to be in the school play during the 82-83 school year called “The Ed Sullivan Show”, I had no idea it’d involve me playing again in a band. I ended up saying yes simply because my other fellow band members said yes and I didn’t want to hear from my parents saying how they heard others in the band joined the play and ask me why didn’t I join them?

I considered the seventh grade school year (82-83) at St. Louise to be my worst alongside fourth grade. The 82-83 school year was when my increasingly negative rebel without a cause attitude ran rampant alienating all the “goodie-goodie” classmates I knew and preferred the company of the bad boys in class who if a teacher looked real closely at their heads of hair they might find the numbers “666” engraved on their skulls. Our 84’ class had the reputation at St. Louise of being the most problematic.

That negative attitude I developed that year showed when it came to my being in the band as I very rarely took the cornet out to practice other than on those weekly Thursday afternoon rehearsals.
 

My solo contest medals.

Of the five solo contests I took part in those five years, 1983 was the year and ONLY year I got third place. I scored first place in the solo contests held in 1980, 81’ and 82’ and then went out with a bang my final year in spring 84’ with yet another first-place medal the year I graduated.

The night of our final performance in late April 1984 a month before we graduated, Mr. Ward recognized us eighth grade band students. I don’t remember what it was I got from Mr. Ward and Ms. Thorson for being in the band except when prior to announcing my name to the audience, he described me as “a quiet man.” He wasn’t far from the truth. It is the quiet people you have to watch out for you know.

Today, whenever I watch the film, "Mr. Holland's Opus" (1995), I find it hard not to be reminded of Mr. Ward watching Richard Dreyfuss playing a dedicated high school band director. Looking back on some of those somewhat uncomfortable times with Mr. Ward and Ms. Thorson on their bad days, I understand now the methods to their madness and why they sometimes got upset with me for not taking the band seriously. Their reasoning is because they wanted us to be as passionate about music and playing in the band as they were teaching us. They wanted us to play to the best of our abilities and they knew full well I along with everyone else were more than capable of doing that.



Which explains their disappointment when they learned I had no plans to join the band at Bishop Lynch, the high school I would be attending in Dallas, Texas in the fall of 1984 freshman year. Little did I know that Mr. Ward’s influence was not just relegated to the schools he taught music in Chicago. His influence extended to Texas when I learned that Joe Cardinale, the band director at Bishop Lynch knew Mr. Ward.

I confess I almost did join the band at BL. My joining the high school band lasted less than the four days George Costanza (Jason Alexander) spent in his job at Play Now in “Seinfeld” (1989-1998). There is even a yearbook picture of me with the band in the Freshman yearbook that proves my two-day involvement.

I would have stayed in the band from 84-88. What turned me off was how I’d be required to show up by 6 a.m. every morning five days a week to marching band practice for the weekly football games and pep rallies. I had enough of marching band practices and performances at band camp playing at Six Flags Great America and at St. Joseph High School in Westchester, Ill. for five years.

I couldn’t take another four years of having to keep up with everyone else marching left and right, having to play the music looking at the small booklets attached to my cornet while trying to pay attention to the conductor. I’ve never been a multitasker. The powers-that-be in my IT helpdesk job I’ve been doing going on 27 years now will attest to that!

The only positive thing I could have gotten out of being with the BL band is gazing at the brigade drill team Friday nights whose over the knee black skirted outfits I found domineeringly sexy (black and white were our high school colors). At one point during the sixty years the high school’s been open the drill team actually wore black low-heeled boots – the kinds one would find worn by a dominatrix before the drill team program went with the white go-go dancer boots.

Just because I didn’t continue my music career in high school so to speak doesn’t mean others didn’t. After posting my blog about the “whiplash” moment I had with Ms. Thorson in 7th grade, class of 84’ alum Michele Santiago (1970-2022) posted a comment on my Facebook page on her playing in the band at Nazareth Academy high school in La Grange Park, Ill.

“I recall competing against St. Joe’s / IHM at State of the Art band competition, and I stood in line with Fenwick / Nazareth while both Mike Alberico and Roger Veome both stared me down with their horns in parade lock position, trying to psyche me out (all of us played baritone for concert band),” Michelle wrote. “Fen/Naz beat St. Joe’s/ IHM in 1987 AND 1988. Yeap— I had major solos both years.”

Many of the of teachers, administrators, priests and nuns I had at St. Louise are now one with “The Force” that include Sisters Petronia, Cresentine, and Julitta, Father Edward Borisewicz (1925-1990), Father John Keating (1934-1998), science teacher and later principal Arlene Fencl (1933-2021), 6th grade teacher Violet Zetlitz (1932-2013), 7th and 8th grade teacher Joyce Allen, Ms. Thorson, Deacon Michael McLynn (1921-2021) and now Mr.Ward.

Their passings (I don’t like using the word “died”) prove how as I’ve gotten older I’m reaching that age where life stops giving us things and starts taking them away. If you don’t realize it now, you will.

In the case of Mr. Ward I do believe one thing is certain. Somewhere among the heavens he is still sharing his passion for teaching music, this time to probably several young angels from grade schools who went before their time. He, and probably along with Ms. Thorson and maybe even Michele are conducting a large orchestra bigger than any of the ones music composers John Williams and Ennio Morricone ever led.

I’m sure Mr. Ward is up there cracking jokes during rehearsals only to be slightly stressed on the day of the big performances the band is set to play that night in front of the Son of God, Saint Peter, the 11 apostles and God himself. No doubt those student angels will wonder who is more stressed. Their fellow band students or Mr. Ward.

In this case I can’t blame Mr. Ward for being stressed out. What band director wouldn’t want to make damned certain his orchestra is playing up to their absolute best especially if the supreme being in the audience happens to be the Almighty?

©10/10/23

Will Ricky Roma's "law of contrary public opinion” be the reason I embrace Indiana Jones' final big screen adventure?

Although I didn’t see “Glengarry Glen Ross” until it came out in 1992 nor had I ever heard of the rule called “the law of contrary public opinion” real estate salesman Ricky Roma, as played by Al Pacino, talks briefly about in the film, I have since applied that belief to almost every sequel/movie franchise I’ve warmly embraced the past 50 years.

The list of sequels I’ve seen dating back to 1973 had disenfranchised fans, Negative Nancys, "The Big Bang Theory crowd", "Nerdville" and every know-it-all wannabee movie critic reaching for the barf bags on their way out the theaters. Or thanks to social media today they held and continue to hold bitch sessions and pissing contests to gullably stupid users who’ve got nothing better to do with their pathetic lives but read and listen to other's one-sided commentaries (assuming they even call them that).

Every time I see that garbage on social media I refer back to a meme I saw years back that said “You remember me asking you for your opinion? Yeah, me neither.”

It’s one thing when the Negative Nancys offer criticism at how disappointed they were in the direction the filmmakers unexpectedly took their beloved movie franchises to. It’s another when all they want to do is bitch for the sake of bitching because like the liberal socialist democratic party we got running this country, they want to make everyone else miserable because they are so miserable themselves and misery loves company.

Hence the reason why I’m paying less than zero attention to all the negative reviews - to which there seems to be many - versus the positive ones (are there any?) of “Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny” (2023) - Harrison Ford’s fifth and final big screen adventure as the famous bullwhip wielding archeologist with the brown fedora hat.

When James Hibberd of The Hollywood Reporter asked Harrison Ford in February this year about the backlash “Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull” (2008) received from critics and fans upon its release 15 years ago, the 80-year-old actor perhaps sarcastically asked Hibberd “Where are they now?”.

“No. I mean, (the critics) were hard on it, but what are they doing now,” Ford said. “I understand. But those were their rules – not (director Steven Spielberg’s and co-writer George Lucas’) rules. They were imposing their rules on what the movie (Crystal Skull) should be. I don’t feel it’s necessary to address those issues. I think that everyone has a right to their opinion. The film was not as successful as we wanted it to be, perhaps. But it didn’t create an attitude or a behavior that carried over into this film (Dial of Destiny).”



To be fair, “Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull” was not as good as Temple of Doom (1984), Last Crusade (1989) and “Raiders of the Lost Ark” (1981) – (I know it is now called “Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark” BUT it will always be “Raiders of the Lost Ark” to me). 

In my three out of four-star 2008 review (three stars meaning good – I DON’T DO GRADE REPORTS) - of the fourth installment which was actually meant to be Ford’s final appearance in the role (at the time of its release there continued to be talk of a fifth one in the works) I called Crystal Skull both nostalgic and formulaic.

In reference to the previous films from the ‘80s I wrote “Watching all three was like getting on a new roller coaster some amusement park just built for the current summer season. Instead of being a thrilling non-stop adventure ride though, Crystal Skull feels like we’ve just returned to those old amusement parks 19 years later, but there are no new rides worth jumping on. Everything done here was done better in the previous three. Alas, this roller coaster ride we get on for two hours inside the dark theater reveals nothing new. We just about know what’s going to be around that next corner.”

The irony is every time the Paramount+ network holds an Indiana jones marathon multiple times a month on any given weekend, I literally cringe as it’s not the first three I want to have on in the background while I'm doing something else. I've gotten to the point having seen the Indiana Jones trilogy so many times the past four decades that like the Star Wars movies which are also shown every few weeks on TNT, I feel I need a ten year long break from both franchises.

The sequels I want aired instead are the ones everyone liked the least. There apparently seems to be some unwritten rule the powers-that-be over at Paramount got in place that says ONLY show the sequels everyone loved like “The Godfather “(1972) and “The Godfather Part II” and the first three Indiana Jones films. “The Godfather Part III” (1990) and Crystal Skull are off limits. Those times when the network does air these much maligned “Black Sheeps” which is a rarity is when most everyone is asleep during the early morning hours.

There is no such thing as the perfect movie franchise. I’ve been saying that since 1999 when fans put director George Lucas on a high pedestal thinking “Star Wars – Episode I: The Phantom Menace” would be just as good, if not better than “Star Wars” (1977). Imagine their intense hatred when they were introduced to Jar Jar Binks and a child actor (Jake Lloyd) who couldn’t act. (Yes! I liked the prequel!)

“Damn you Lucas! You wrecked my childhood!” was no doubt the rallying cry of the Negative Nancys, Nerdville and The Big Bang Theory Crowd at the time and has been ever since.

Those of you who can’t get enough of the Fast and the Furious, Mission: Impossible and Transformers franchises and those “despicable” “theme park” Marvel movies Oscar winning directors Francis Ford Coppola and Martin Scorsese spoke of that Disney has no plans to stop churning out, the ball rolls both ways.

I can’t tell you how many sequels and non-sequels (“Everything Everywhere All At Once” (2022), “Elvis” - 2022) I’ve seen that got rave reviews from the know-it-all critics and audiences only to have me instead of wanting to yell “FIRE!” inside a crowded theater the moment the end credits rolled, I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs, “DA FUCK WAS THIS SHIT?!?!?!” so everyone will hear!

Look no further than last summer’s “Top Gun: Maverick” (2022). I am not the only one who didn’t like the over-hyped “requel.” It took me 36 years to see the first one. The only reason I saw the Tom Cruise blockbuster was because I had 80 bucks in AMC gift cards to use which made sitting through the sequel all the less painful.

Just because the Negative Nancys didn’t like how Sofia Coppola’s acting or lack thereof wrecked “The Godfather Part III”, that seeing Capt. Kirk, Mr. Spock and Dr. McCoy sing “Row Row Row Your Boat” in “Star Trek V: The Final Frontier” (1989) was not Star Trek, that an Irish toymaker wanted to kill off the nation’s kiddies with cursed masks using witchcraft in “Halloween III: Season of the Witch” (1982) instead of serial killer Michael Myers slaughtering more teenagers and Indiana Jones taking refuge in a fridge from a nuclear blast doesn’t mean others didn’t.

Despite my loathing a few of them, I still watch such atrocities as “The Concorde: Airport ‘79”. “Cannonball Run II” (1984) “Superman IV: The Quest for Peace” (1987) and “Independence Day: Resurgence” (2016) on occasion viewing them as “guilty pleasures” – bad sequels I love to hate. 

It’s all about being entertained you know!

The more negative press I hear that Dial of Destiny is getting the more I’m looking forward to seeing it on June 30 when the film opens nationwide. (John Williams' Raiders theme is playing in my head as I write this and I sadly don’t own the soundtrack which can now only be bought from secondhand sellers on eBay and Amazon).

I get the feeling I’m going to get the same kind of emotional nostalgia I got when I saw Crystal Skull fifteen years ago. Those feelings will be the same kind of memorable moments I had watching the less-than-stellar “Star Wars – Episode IX: The Rise of Skywalker” (2019) – in particular, when Ford’s Han Solo returned in a cameo as a ghost to have a very brief father/son chat with villain Kylo Ren (Adam Driver).



Should I wind up embracing “Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny” it will be because I happily followed Ricky Roma’s “law of contrary public opinion.”

“If everyone thinks one thing, then I say, bet the other way,” Roma said.

Something of which I’ve been doing since Clint Eastwood’s "Dirty Harry" Callahan took on rogue officers of the San Francisco Police Department fifty years ago in “Magnum Force”.

50 Years of Sequels I Warmly Embraced That No One Else Didn’t 

Magnum Force (1973)

Airport 1975 (1974)

Airport ’77 (1977)

Star Trek: The Motion Picture (1979)

Smokey and the Bandit II (1980)

Airplane II: The Sequel (1982)

Halloween III: Season of the Witch (1982)

Rocky III (1982)

Psycho II (1983)

Return of the Jedi (1983)

Sudden Impact (1983)

Superman III (1983)

2010: The Year We Make Contact (1984)

Conan the Destroyer (1984)

The Jewel of the Nile (1985)

Rocky IV (1985)

The Color of Money (1986)

The Dead Pool (1988)

Rambo III (1988)

Ghostbusters II (1989)

Licence to Kill (1989)

Star Trek V: The Final Frontier (1989)

The Godfather Part III (1990)

The Two Jakes (1990)

The Naked Gun 33 1/3: The Final Insult (1994)

Batman Forever (1995)

Escape from L.A. (1996)

Batman & Robin (1997)

Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace (1999)

Jurassic Park III (2001)

Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones (2002)

The Matrix Reloaded (2003)

Barbershop 2: Back In Business (2004)

Ocean’s Twelve (2004)

Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith (2005)

X-Men: The Last Stand (2006)

Spider-Man 3 (2007)

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (2008)

The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor (2008)

Quantum of Solace (2008)

Twilight (2008)

Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps (2010)

The Amazing Spider-Man (2012)

Star Trek Into Darkness (2013)

The Amazing Spider-Man 2 (2014)

Fifty Shades of Grey (2015)

Star Wars: Episode VII – The Force Awakens (2015)

Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice (2016)

Now You See Me 2 (2016)

Star Trek Beyond (2016)

Justice League (2017) Joss Whedon cut

Star Wars: Episode VIII – The Last Jedi (2017)

Mamma Mia! Here We Go Again (2018)

Wonder Woman 1984 (2020)

Rocky IV: Rocky Vs. Drago – The Ultimate Director’s Cut (2021)

Zach Snyder’s Justice League (2021)

Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny (2023)?

©6/14/23

My Personal Worst Films: Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas (1998)

Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas ½«
R, 119m. 1998

Cast & Credits: Johnny Depp (Raoul Duke), Benicio Del Toro (Dr. Gonzo), Ellen Barkin (Waitress), Gary Busey (Highway Patrolman), Cameron Diaz (Blond TV Reporter), Lyle Lovett (Musician at Matrix Club), Christina Ricci (Lucy), Harry Dean Stanton (Judge), Mark Harmon (Magazine Reporter), Katherine Helmond (Hotel Clerk), Tobey McGuire (Hitchhiker). Screenplay by Terry Gilliam, Tony Grisoni, Tod Davies and Alex Cox based on the book by Hunter S. Thompson. Directed by Terry Gilliam.

Most anyone who has had one too many drinks or did drugs probably remembers what the side effects were. I remember being at a party in college once where I downed probably five or more beers for the first time within a couple hours and noticed the room was spinning soon after. The effect is called a “buzz” and from what I can recall, that high lasted about a half hour.

The two lead characters, “gonzo journalist” Raoul Duke (Johnny Depp) and his “Samoan” attorney, Dr. Gonzo (Benicio Del Toro) in "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas" take even less time to reach that heightened state of awareness as they down an assorted mess of illegal drugs and alcohol over the course of two hours.

I learned my lesson that night at the party. I started getting dizzy and sick to my stomach within the hour. Before the night was over, I vomited beer all over the women’s restroom in the dormitory. I immediately went to sleep afterwards and in the morning, when I awoke with a massive headache, I downed more than just a couple aspirin tablets. Two friends of mine told me I devoured a hamburger that night in the process. To this day, however, I still think one of them ate it themselves.

I haven’t gotten that drunk since nor have I done any drugs. Though I knew several at the college newspaper I worked at who smoked an occasional joint or two. Some did it more than others.

Granted, I’ll have more than a couple margaritas every once in a while but I don’t see the fun in getting inebriated to the point of passing out. If I had taken as many drugs and drunk as much alcohol as Duke and Gonzo do in "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas", I probably would have become what the Duke asks himself in the film’s first ten minutes if the two of them had “deteriorated to the level of dumb beasts.”

I got almost no enjoyment watching "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas", which is based on real life journalist Hunter S. Thompson’s 1972 novel. I haven’t read it but a friend of mine who did told me the book was hilarious. I’ll admit I probably laughed about ten times while watching the film. A majority of those happened in the first ten or twenty minutes with the final ones occurring almost an hour later. What was funny was Duke’s reactions to certain situations while on drugs. He’d wave his arms wildly using a fly swatter swinging at what he thought were “large bats” flying around their red convertible. Or he’d bob his head back and forth as the windshield wipers were moving only to shrink back in horror the minute a valet hands him a ticket.

I like movies about writers and I kept thinking that somewhere in this picture, there must be a message or something to tell us about drug abuse, maybe a commentary or two about the 1960’s psychedelic generation and why adolescents turned to drugs at the height of the Vietnam conflict. I finally gave up after 30 minutes. The film is instead one big long road trip to nowhere with a soundtrack full of 1960’s and 70’s rock songs from such artists as the Rolling Stones, Tom Jones and Bob Dylan to name a few.

The film doesn’t even fall into the same category as such drug/alcohol dramas like "Clean and Sober" (1988), "Days of Wine and Roses" (1962), "Less Than Zero" (1987) and "When a Man Loves a Woman" (1994) where the lead character either checks his/herself into a rehabilitation clinic over the course of the movie or dies in the end. If "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas" qualifies as a comedy, my assumption is it would be only to those who have done as much drugs as the two characters do and experienced such unpleasant side effects I went through getting drunk like vomiting and waking up in the morning, not remembering what happened the night before. Personally, I saw no humor in waking up with a hangover.

The film was directed by Terry Gilliam whose past works ("Twelve Monkeys" - 1995) have combined science fiction and fantasy. Now Gilliam takes us into a dreary, depressing world I don’t even want to visit whether I am sober or not. What’s unbelievable is the script, which apparently needed the help of not just Gilliam, who co-wrote it, but three other screenwriters as well, Alex Cox, Tony Grisoni, and Todd Davies. Every time I see more than one screenwriter attached to a film I immediately start thinking the screenplay may have already been weak to begin with.

Depp narrates practically the entire film in voice-over while his character sweats and stumbles about in light colored sunglasses, grits a cigarette holder between his teeth never taking it out, not even in bed, and speaks in sentences that don’t make a lot of sense. Or they would only make sense to him.

The plot has Duke and Gonzo heading to Las Vegas where the writer is assigned to cover the Mint 400 motorcycle races and later stays to cover a police convention. In almost every other sequence are a lot of pathetic scenes of the duo trashing their hotel rooms and laughing uncontrollably smoking grass and sniffing cocaine, mescaline, blotter acid, ether and “a whole galaxy of multi-colored uppers, downers, screamers, laughers.” All of which is kept in a small suitcase as Del Toro’s Gonzo begins every other line of dialogue with “speaking as your attorney.”

At one point early on, Gonzo sits in a bathtub full of water, half naked listening to Jefferson Airplane, passing gas, and having uncontrollable violent outbursts. While Duke falls asleep in the bedroom, wrapping himself in the American flag, and waking up the next morning with either a Z written in red lipstick on his forehead and a gun in one hand or wearing half of what seems to be a lizard costume with a large tail sticking out of his rear end.

Gilliam directs as though he is in some sort of chemical induced state himself. The hotel carpets move in an assortment of bright colors while the patrons become giant humping lizards with large slobbering tongues. Clouds race across the sky while people’s faces are given close-ups as though they were looking in those twisted carnival mirrors. I could barely recognize any of the cameos, all of whom are just walk-ons and given names like “Hitchhiker” and “Blond TV Reporter” to round out the list of credits.

All of them are targets for Duke and Gonzo to insult like Cameron Diaz as the “blond TV reporter” who meets the two in an elevator. There is also Mark Harmon, who is only recognizable by voice as a magazine reporter since his entire body is covered in dust.

Other stars make humiliating entrances and exits that simply define what actors and actresses will do for money. Christina Ricci, who as a young girl played the dark, torturous daughter, Wednesday, in "The Addams Family" (1991), is now all grown up. Here she plays Gonzo’s supposed love interest whose first scene has her on her hands and knees barking like a dog and biting Duke’s leg the moment he walks in their hotel suite. And Gary Busey plays a highway patrolman whose sequence ends with his character asking Duke to kiss him.

There are others as well like Harry Dean Stanton as a judge, Ellen Barkin as a waitress, and Lyle Lovett as a singer. None of whom I realized were even in the movie until I saw the end credits.

By the time the nightmare ended, I felt like I had sat through a Cheech and Chong comedy from the 1980s in which the famous comedy duo, according to several negative reviews I read, did nothing but drugs. I have never seen one of their movies and have no intention of doing so. Now that I have seen "Fear and Loathing In Las Vegas", I get the gist of what the critics were talking about when reviewing those Cheech and Chong comedies.

I won’t dispute the fact there is a lot of talent here. Gilliam’s done some memorable projects filled with vivid imagination. Depp's best performances are in "Ed Wood" (1994) and "Donnie Brasco" (1997).

I don’t doubt  both will again one day make another good movie. If there is ever a picture for the 1990s that defines what it means to make an ass of one self, however, it is this one.

©4/19/23

My Personal Best Films: Return of the Jedi (1983)

Return of the Jedi ««««

PG, 133m. 1983

Cast & Credits: Mark Hamill (Luke Skywalker), Harrison Ford (Han Solo), Carrie Fisher (Princess Leia Organa), Billy Dee Williams (Lando Calrissian), Anthony Daniels (C-3P0), Kenny Baker (R2-D2), Alec Guinness (Ben Obi-Wan Kenobi), Frank Oz (Voice of Yoda), Peter Mayhew (Chewbacca), David Prowse (Lord Darth Vader), James Earl Jones (Voice of Darth Vader), Ian McDiarmid (Emperor Palpatine), Sebastian Shaw (Anakin Skywalker). Screenplay by Lawrence Kasdan and George Lucas. Directed by Richard Marquand.

1984 Academy Award
Nominations

Best Art Direction
Set Decoration

Best Sound

Best Effects
Sound Effects Editing

Best Original
Music Score -
John Williams

Special Achievement
Award For Visual 
Effects - Winner

Midway through “Return of the Jedi” is a special scene that captures the reactions of the heroes. They are looks of awe, horror and wonder. The same way I felt watching “Star Wars” (1977) and “The Empire Strikes Back” (1980) when first released four decades ago.

The scene happens when the garrulous “golden-rod” droid, C-3P0 (Anthony Daniels) tells a group of cuddly but fierce little teddy bears called Ewoks about his adventures in the past two installments.

The Ewoks have the talking droid’s complete attention as he evokes robotic sounds of shoot outs with the Empire’s Stormtroopers, the battles with the first Death Star in “Star Wars”, the Imperial Walkers and the beauty of Cloud City in “The Empire Strikes Back”, to finally, the deep raspy mechanical breathing of Darth Vader that at one point frightens all the furballs, even the baby ones.

The Ewoks aren’t the only ones amazed by the droid’s dramatic storytelling. The movie’s heroes and heroine whom audiences first met in the ’77 original also seem entranced. They are Luke Skywalker, moisture farmer now turned Jedi Knight played by an older Mark Hamill, Han Solo, the cocky, know-it-all, sarcastic rogue pilot portrayed by Harrison Ford, and Princess Leia (Carrie Fisher), former senator of her now destroyed home planet, Alderaan, turned leader of the Rebel Alliance.

When Han hears C-3P0 retelling the story of him being lowered into the carbon freezing chamber in the second installment, the dreadful memory seems to send a chill up the Corellian smuggler’s spine. Even his Wookie co-pilot, the tall, hairy Chewbacca, grunts a mournful sigh.

The combination of drama, action adventure and humor in “Star Wars” and the dark ominous undertones of “The Empire Strikes Back” are what made fans and perhaps even non-fans want to see those films over again. The second installment made it especially clear the series was not destined to be just another outer space battle between good and evil where the villain wants to take over the galaxy. The plot thickened considerably. Fans knew when the third and final chapter at the time came out in ‘83, a personal struggle would take place between father (Vader) and son (Luke Skywalker) and only one would emerge victorious.

Originally titled "Revenge of the Jedi" a year before its release (creator George Lucas changed the title to "Return" because Jedi Knights don't exact revenge) ”Return of the Jedi”  now goes by the proper title “Star Wars: Episode VI – Return of the Jedi" and resolves all the things viewers had wondered about for three years since “The Empire Strikes Back” debuted in 1980. I won’t argue in the four decades since its release having seen it several times that what was missing from the third and final installment is much of the awe and wonder I felt watching the first two.

What I got was what Lucas had likely planned on doing since the first one premiered in 1977; making the Star Wars trilogy into a major toy marketing franchise. Lucas and the special effects wizards at Industrial Light & Magic went out with a bang so to speak back then. “Return of the Jedi” was a wonderful, visual toy for the eyes with three times more aliens than we ever saw in the Mos Eisley cantina in the original and technologically advanced special effects and ships that pale in comparison to the $10 million dollar budget Lucas had to contend with in ‘77.

Whereas the first two movies were geared for people of all ages, the third installment seemed to have been made strictly for kids. Aliens are given human characteristics that come in the form of bodily functions. Desert creatures belch after eating something that just crawled past them.

When I  saw the film forty years ago I took note how audiences reacted to the Ewoks who not only got the most laughs (an Ewok smoking a pipe) but also the most “awwww aren’t they cute moments” (a baby Ewok in a basket). If a young kid shed a tear when one of the teddy bears died in battle I doubt the kid would be man or woman enough to admit it. Some of the furballs, who are practically the same size as the midgets from “The Wizard of Oz” (1939), often hit themselves in the face with their own slingshots during battle. There’s even a blooper moment where an Ewok clearly tells another in plain English “That guy’s nice” instead of speaking the alien’s proper dialect of gibberish.

The script by Lucas and Lawrence Kasdan, who also co-wrote the screenplay for “The Empire Strikes Back”, however, never seemed to flow smoothly as a film. Nothing came together until the climax when Luke and Vader duel it out again, this time in front of the Dark Lord’s Emperor (Ian McDiarmid). The old decrepit leader’s pale white face suggested he had either lived on a planet with no sun or had never been outside his royal castle in a long time. The lightsaber duel was mixed with two other chaotic battles; one between rebel and Empire forces in space and one on Endor as rebel and Ewok forces battle the Empire’s troops.

With the exception of the climax, almost every scene before it was plotted like an event or the opening of another chapter. I came to the conclusion “Return of the Jedi” had at least five though no title cards were seen. The film opened with Vader arriving on the Empire’s half completed new Death Star announcing the Emperor will soon be joining them. So ended chapter one.

Chapter two took place on Tatooine, Luke’s home planet, where the heroes rescue Han from his carbonite prison and battle one of the picture’s most interesting creations called Jabba the Hutt; a jolly bloated behemoth slug crime lord with a large slobbering tongue and wagging tail who throws living creatures in his mouth as if he were chowing down on popcorn. All of this slowly took about thirty minutes to wrap up.

Chapter three had the Emperor arriving on the new Death Star. In chapter four, the scene switched to Dagobah where Luke learned the real truth about his family legacy from Yoda (Frank Oz) and the ghost of Ben Kenobi (Alec Guinness). Finally in chapter five, the rebels planned their final assault that lasted over an hour.

Yet despite my complaints, Jedi’s positives outweighed the negatives. There was a lot I remembered fondly. Han, Luke, Leia, the droids and even Darth Vader had at least one or two emotional moments where they revealed their feelings for one another and I was moved by the deaths of Yoda and Vader. I liked how panicked Imperial officers, pilots, and stormtroopers evacuated their posts as the Death Star was coming apart; not one of them noticing or caring that a mortally wounded Dark Lord was being dragged to a shuttle. I loved the Empire’s speeder bikes, which patrolled the forests of Endor that could be the 21st century’s answer to police motorcycles.

When panelists at the Star Wars Celebration in London announced in early April 2023 the film would return to theaters for one week in honor of the installment’s 40th anniversary I felt like Anakin Skywalker battling “The Dark Side of the Force” in episodes I-III (1999-2005). I had the “Dark Side” on one shoulder telling me how great it would be to see the film on the big screen again given the last time I did see “Return of the Jedi” in the theater was in 1997 in honor of the original Star Wars’ 20th anniversary when all three films were re-released as “Special Editions.” Lucas and the visual effects gurus at his company Industrial Light & Magic added new shots to the three films and adjusted others.

In the case of “Star Wars” and “The Empire Strikes Back” the additions were a combination of hits and misses. Some scenes worked. Others didn’t. Ironically the three minutes of additional shots in “Return of the Jedi” made the film better. My rating for Jedi’s special edition went from the three stars I gave the original ’83 version in a review I wrote back in the late 1980s to three and a half stars in 1997.

In the Jedi special edition the second Death Star went out in a blaze of glory with a fiery ring expanding out. The female lead alien music leader of Jabba the Hutt’s band moved more freely and didn’t look as if it was being moved around on invisible string thanks to the computer-generated technology we got now. Bounty hunter Boba Fett flirted with a couple female alien dancers, albeit with his helmet still on. Banthas (alien versions of elephants) were seen grazing on the sands of Tatooine like cows as Jabba’s immense sail barge floated by. Instead of the Sarlacc Pit looking like only a pink vagina with teeth the heroes were about to be thrown into the sand creature now had some sort of giant snake protruding from its mouth.

Whereas the original ’83 version ended with the Ewoks and the heroes celebrating the Empire’s downfall on the Endor forest moon all to the tune of the tribe’s furball “yuck-yuck” song courtesy of Oscar winning composer John Williams’ musical score, the special edition went out on a more dramatic note. As x-wing fighters set off fireworks above the night skies of Endor, planetary celebrations took place on less than a half dozen planets throughout the galaxy. The special edition actually ended on an almost triumphant conclusion versus the ’83 version.

So why am I not choosing to see “Return of the Jedi” on the big screen again on its 40th anniversary release at the end of April? Despite the fact I still have sixty bucks of AMC gift cards to use? (I haven't seen a movie on the big screen since June 2022 and it wasn't because I wanted to). The answer is simple. The “Good Side of the Force”, if there is such a term in Star Wars lore, would be whispering in my ear on the other side telling me “this won’t be the original ’83 version you will be seeing. It will be the ’97 special edition that has aired countless times on the TNT network and Disney plus.”

When Haslab – Hasbro Pulse – a toy company that produces Star Wars toys announced as part of Jedi’s 40th anniversary they would release a three-pack of six-inch figures promoting the versions of Jedi ghosts Ben Kenobi, Yoda and Anakin Skywalker recreating the end scene of the third installment, a user commented on social media how they would prefer they released the ghost version of Anakin as played by actor Sebastian Shaw in the original ’83 edition. They didn't want the Anakin version played by Hayden Christensen whose spirit appeared near the end of episode VI after the release of episodes I-III.

To put it simply, the ’97 special edition is not the version I want to revisit despite the improvements. The ’83 version, for all its flaws is what I prefer to embrace. There has not been a time in the four decades since Jedi's release where feelings of beloved emotional nostalgia didn't creep up inside me. I still recall how audiences cheered when Leia released Han Solo from his carbonite prison. I remember how my sister who is four years younger than me covered her eyes when Luke removes Vader's helmet as she didn't want to see how he really looked under that black mask. Then there's the crowds who waited outside the theaters where Star Wars, Empire and Jedi in '77, '80 and '83 were shown where the long lines went around the blocks and parking lots.

When Carrie Fisher died in 2016 I wrote in a tribute blog how Ross Geller, the fictional character David Schwimmer played on "Friends" (1994-2004) was not the only one whose childhood fantasy was seeing Princess Leia in that skimpy gold bikini outfit collared to Jabba the Hutt. I too, like so many other young boys who began to realize their hormones were starting to kick into overdrive when it came to our interest in girls saw the female character's feisty rebellious heroine from that "galaxy far, far away" as an 80's sci-fi sex symbol.

I was about to start eighth grade when “Return of the Jedi” came out in '83. I was going into second grade when I saw “Star Wars” in August ’77. Jedi’s release not only marked an end, albeit temporarily, to the Star Wars film and toy franchise, but also marked a slow end of my interest in Star Wars overall. Within a year I would be graduating from grade school and would start high school in fall of ‘84 and my interests were about to change. In short, I was on my way into adulthood.

At the time of its release, VHS and Betamax videocassette recorders and laserdisc players were still in their infancy. Blockbuster Video would not become a household name and take over the movie rental industry until the late '80s. The early 1980s belonged to the independent mom and pop video stores. Blockbuster filmmakers like Lucas and Steven Spielberg were still reluctant to release their box office hits like the Star Wars trilogy and "Raiders of the Lost Ark" (1981) on videocassette and laserdisc and only relegating them to the big screens.

When a friend of mine told me he had a pirated copy of "Return of the Jedi" I asked my eighth grade teacher, Mrs. Joyce Allen, who owned two VHS recorders at the time (you were considered rich if you owned two) if she could dub me a copy. The pirated street copy was so bad in picture and sound quality that attempting to record a copy would have been over two hours time wasted. 

I didn't get my hands on a "legal" VHS copy until February 1986 during my sophomore year in high school when Lucas made the film available for both rent and purchase. Those who wanted to spend/and or had $100 bucks to blow that is. That hundred bucks I paid was one of the few times in my life where I felt my work money was well spent as opposed to the hundred bucks I needlessly spent on the high school junior/senior ring I bought the following year only because everyone in my class was getting one. Ironically, I still have that high school ring but every VHS copy I had of the original trilogy released through 2000 are history.

Should the day come where I want to view episodes four, five and six again in the coming years it won’t be the ’97 special editions available on Disney plus and on disc. The original ’77, ’80 and ’83 theatrical versions – all three of which I own that were released on DVD in 2006 but were the laserdisc transfers and are now only available from second-hand sellers on Ebay will be the ones I'll be watching on my 4K player.

The Star Wars franchise today resembles “a spent force” which Merriam-Webster defines “as someone who no longer has the power or influence he or she once had.”

Disney seems intent on making sure every penny of that $4 billion they paid George Lucas in 2012 for Lucasfilm is spent on churning out multiple Disney plus television series and big screen movies in the coming years without barely taking a break to figure out a new way to reinvent itself. I don’t call Disney not releasing a big screen Star Wars film since 2019 a break.

The surprise hits from that "galaxy far, far away" so far have been few and far between (“Rogue One – A Star Wars Story” (2016), “Solo – A Star Wars Story” (2018), “Andor” (2022) while the misses are many (Star Wars Episodes 7-9, “Obi-Wan Kenobi” (2022), “The Book of Boba Fett” (2021) and “The Mandalorian” - 2019) depending on who you talk to. Sure every future made-for-streaming show and big screen movie will all have George Lucas’ name on the credits but they won’t feel like a “George Lucas” creation (dialogue you can write but don't picture yourself saying on camera and choreographed lightsaber battles behind blue screen). I predict the filmmakers and television producers will be playing the notes but not the music.

Mickey Mouse’s running of the franchise today now resembles an unstoppable “Empire” in itself. It wasn’t that way when I saw “Return of the Jedi” in May 1983 back when the installment was called “Return of the Jedi” and not “Star Wars: Episode VI – Return of the Jedi”.

The way the original trilogy was marketed from 1977 to 1983 felt like what Obi-Wan Kenobi spoke about in “Star Wars” how the Jedi Knights were once the guardians of peace and justice in the Old Republic. The movies didn't feel like "a spent force."

Here on Earth, those were the golden days as Obi-Wan said happened, “Before the dark times…before the Empire.”

©4/12/23