Despite the urgent need to go "Back to the Future", former alumni wouldn’t change personal high school experiences

Anyone who says high school was the best four years of their life didn’t ask me what I thought of my four years from 1984 to 1988 at Bishop Lynch High School in Dallas as that is a chapter I’d much rather forget. Like conservative radio host Rush Limbaugh who said the best thing he looked forward to in high school was that it was over, I, too, felt the same way.

I was not an athlete, or an athletic supporter, though I did like the brigade uniforms whose attire was over the knee skirts and high-heeled boots. To quote Al Bundy from "Married... with Children" (1986-1997) on "The Avengers" (1961-1969) British TV show character, Emma Peel, the brigade team “kicked really high.”

When the time came junior year to buy a class ring, I didn’t need a ring to prove I was going to be a senior like this was some sort of rite of passage. To quote postal carrier Newman (Wayne Knight) from "Seinfeld" (1989-1998) when asked why he doesn’t deliver mail in the rain, “I was never big on creeds.”

That’s not to say those four years were a complete waste. I experienced quite a few ups, but the downs outweighed the ups. Those ups I had would make former late night host David Letterman’s top ten list. For example, I enjoyed my 8 a.m. typing class freshman year because the woman teacher who taught it always wore heels and skirts in between the occasional pants suits.

I still don’t know how I passed my biology final sophomore year with a B since I failed all the tests that required me to name the organs of giant grasshoppers and starfish and ate most of the jellybeans I was required to use in a lab assignment to create molecules and used the leftovers to build my own super structures using toothpicks. Nor do I know how I passed all those quizzes and tests in my English classes because I did not read "The Odyssey", "A Separate Peace" or "To Kill a Mockingbird". I must have either paid close attention taking notes during the class discussions, used "Cliff's Notes" (do those still exist today?), or got the questions and answers from classmates who had already taken the tests earlier.

The big highlight for me junior year was watching a fellow classmate get pulled over by a cop for speeding. My stomach hurt that day after school from laughing so hard. I don’t care if “instant karma” came back after me senior year when I got pulled over by the same cop for going 60 in a 30. At least it proved that "Christine", the yellow rusted ‘76 Ford Pinto (which made its debut in the 2010 movie, "The Losers") with no protective gas covering I drove could go over 60 just as much as it hit 140 when I floored the “American classic” because I was stuck in icy weather.

I was involved with the newspaper senior year but when I compare the award-winning brutal film reviews and sometimes no-holds-barred columns I write today to the fluff I churned out in high school, I can’t help but look at all those articles with embarrassment. At least I managed to get the administration worried with my final news story about all the teachers who were leaving when I graduated in 1988. When I asked the ethics instructor, Mr. Poundstone, why he was leaving he told me to use his quote, “It’s hard to teach ethics in a catholic school.” The powers that be cut the line from the story before the issue was published. I was stirring up trouble before I even decided my degree was going to be in journalism and I wasn’t even looking for it.

Despite those moments, if I had that steel silver grey DeLorean my eighth-grade teacher Mrs. Allen owned I’d turn the vehicle’s digital clock back to August 1984 and make three changes. One, I’d actually take my classes seriously instead of settling for being a B/C student knowing now just how much my parents paid to send me to private high school. Two, I would have asked a woman who was on the newspaper and was a junior when I was a senior during the 1987-88 school year to prom instead of settling for working that weekend (I didn't have any money anyway), and three, I would have warned my younger self about the importance of diet, exercise, and saving money to keep that younger version from becoming what my older self is today.

For years browsing the school’s website I had been envious of the stuff the students got now that I wished were offered when I was there (two theater auditoriums, two gyms, bowling team, film club, healthier lunch menu). Sure, the Class of 2019 today probably have it better than what I had, but what can’t be replaced are the personal experiences I went through. Now that I think about it, I don’t need Mrs. Allen’s DeLorean to go back in time to make changes. I am happy with the way things turned out now.

Besides, her car didn’t come with plutonium and a digital clock where I could set the time back. That stuff only happened in the "Back to the Future" (1985-1990) movies.

©11/4/15