My first time Super Bowl viewing experience

Feb. 1, 2015 was a day that will live in infamy.

For the first time in my life I did what everyone else does on a certain night that concludes the NFL football season.

I got to watch Super Bowl XLIX (49). (Ok I admit it there was nothing else on). The last time I got this excited about a Super Bowl game was back in the days when I worked for Blockbuster Video’s IT helpdesk and the weekend night supervisor gave us all a chance to make our score predictions. 

I pulled my predictions out of my ass and somehow I won. My reward? I could go home to watch the remainder of the Super Bowl instead of working my 5 p.m. to 6 a.m. shift.

Of course I didn’t watch the game when I got home. I was just happy I didn’t have to work.

As for Super Bowl 49's New England Patriots 28-24 win over the Seattle Seahawks my first time watching the game was…BORING!

Within the first hour, I texted my best friend, Mr. Fucker in Chiraq (once known as Chicago) typing “This is what you people get your nads all pumped about? So far, I’m fucking bored! No memorable ads either!”

Mr. Fucker texted me back saying, “I agree. Boring. But chicken wings r good.”

I didn’t have wings that night. Instead I devoured a small Papa Johns pepperoni-mushroom pizza with extra sauce minutes after one of the teams scored 7 (sorry I don’t remember who which goes to show you how much I was actually paying attention) against the other. If I was on edge about anything it was the heartburn I was going to get later that night as I never learn my lesson when it comes to certain foods affecting my health.

The only reason I watched the Super Bowl was to see the supposed entertaining if not controversial or gross ads that air in between the game. I was eager to know that for the first time I would finally know what the drive-by fake news media would be talking about on the morning shows Monday instead of having to play catch-up on youtube to see the best and worst commercials I missed the night before.

I was disappointed. There were no sexy GoDaddy ads featuring NASCAR racer Danica Patrick and fitness trainer Jillian Michaels. In fact, some of the ads that year were not only politically correct (again no sexy GoDaddy ads demeaning women as sex objects) but were depressing. I thought the whole point of watching the Super Bowl was to be entertained? So why did I see ads about domestic violence or a dying kid who dreams about the things he will never get to do in life like being kissed by a girl for the first time or learning to fly?

The only bright spot to Super Bowl 49 was the halftime show, which was seen by 118.5 million viewers where singer Katy Perry made her grand entrance riding a top a slow-moving mechanical tiger. If that lion and those lumbering Imperial snow walkers from "The Empire Strikes Back" (1980) competed in a race I’d have no idea who’d win.

As for Perry’s performance, to rephrase her hit song, “I Kissed a Girl”, I am not ashamed to say that “I knew all of Katy Perry’s songs and liked them.” I wonder if she has a greatest hits CD out so I can sing along in my car like that Dover police officer I saw on youtube singing Taylor Swift’s "Shake It Off" on the dashcam back then.

I concluded Super Bowl 49 was the equivalent of the Oscars, except more viewers watch. 

Up until Feb. 1, 2015 I only knew I could happily go to my grave one day knowing that “I am the only guy who can handle something like this” (like dying) when people search my name on youtube and find that Oscar nominee Michael Keaton plays me in the movie "Clear History" (2013).

Hell, up until I posted this blog I was about as clueless as to who is playing in this year's Super Bowl as I was wondering if there was ever a single song by Rhythm & Blues singer Usher (who is this year's halftime show performer) I heard on the radio. 

To date I now know what teams are playing (San Francisco 49ers vs. Kansas City Chiefs). And I still don't know if I've heard any songs by Usher in my lifetime, nor have I bothered scouring youtube to find out.

Yes, I'll likely have Super Bowl LVIII playing on the flatscreen Feb. 11, 2024 but only to have something to listen to while doing something else. 

Perhaps sometime during those four hours whether it's preparing the current week's blog if time allows and, provided I have a subject I want to write about or work on my online class assignments which as of this writing are about two weeks late, I'll find out if Taylor Swift will arrive on time from her Tokyo concert to cheer on her beau Kansas City Chiefs Travis Kelcie during the game.

If not, in between a possible ad paying tribute to actor Carl Weathers who died Feb. 1 at 76, there's always the less-than-one-minute upcoming movie trailers to look forward to. 

Here's hoping those trailers are nothing like last year's "The Flash" and "Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny" both of which I stupidly thought evoked promise only to crash and burn at the box office last summer.

©2/7/24