So, there I was browsing the Internet early one morning last week when while listening to the TV I heard an ABC news anchorwoman report the following.
“It has been established that persons who have recently died have been returning to life and committing acts of murder. A widespread investigation of funeral homes, morgues, and hospitals has concluded that the unburied dead have been returning to life and seeking human victims. It's hard for us here to be reporting this to you, but it does seem to be a fact.”
Ok. Maybe it didn’t exactly happen that way. Actually, it didn’t happen at all. The quote, however, is real as I got it from imdb.com researching useless trivia information on director George A. Romero’s black and white 1968 horror classic, "Night of the Living Dead", in which the undead come back to feast on the living.
If such strange events were to happen and this was the beginning of “The Zombie Apocalypse”, I imagine such news reports would sound reminiscent to those live press conferences seen in Romero’s film.
“A vampire, quite honestly, you could have a conversation with,” Scorsese said. “He has a sexuality. I mean the undead thing. Zombies. What are you going to do with them? Just keep chopping them up, shooting at them, shooting at them. It’s a whole other thing that apparently means a great deal to our culture and our society.”
I won’t deny that when the Dallas area had that outbreak of tornados last April, the first thing I did in case one touched down where I live was grabbed my wallet, credit cards, check books and two USB flash drives with all my files on them. Prior to that, however, I have never once given a thought about preparing for a national emergency, zombies or not. Disaster preparedness is not the first thing on my mind. Sure, I have a flashlight somewhere in the house, but I have no idea where it is, nor do I know if it even works.
That’s obviously the thinking behind the Homeland Security Department’s mock announcement a few weeks ago educating the public on how to better prepare themselves should a zombie apocalypse actually happen which includes having an emergency evacuation plan, a change of clothes, water, medications and flashlights.
“The theory: If you’re prepared for a zombie attack, the same preparations will help during a hurricane, pandemic, earthquake or terrorist attack,” said an article on The Huffington Post’s website.
Should the day come in which I see a crowd of slow-moving figures coming out of the cemetery down the street and start dragging people from their vehicles causing traffic jams, rest assured before leaving work, I’ll make sure to check the back seat of my car should a zombie be waiting for me lying on the floor. Then I’ll drive off jamming to such tunes as “The Sun Ain’t Gonna’ Shine Anymore” by The Walker Brothers and Johnny Cash’s “The Man Comes Around” on my iPod.
Like those four survivors who took refuge at a mall in the 1978 original and 2004 remake of Dawn of the Dead, I’m racing to take over the nearest shopping center.
I got dibs on Dallas’ NorthPark Mall. They got a Lego store and a movie theater I can spend my remaining end of days in.
©10/2/12
“It has been established that persons who have recently died have been returning to life and committing acts of murder. A widespread investigation of funeral homes, morgues, and hospitals has concluded that the unburied dead have been returning to life and seeking human victims. It's hard for us here to be reporting this to you, but it does seem to be a fact.”
Ok. Maybe it didn’t exactly happen that way. Actually, it didn’t happen at all. The quote, however, is real as I got it from imdb.com researching useless trivia information on director George A. Romero’s black and white 1968 horror classic, "Night of the Living Dead", in which the undead come back to feast on the living.
If such strange events were to happen and this was the beginning of “The Zombie Apocalypse”, I imagine such news reports would sound reminiscent to those live press conferences seen in Romero’s film.
With all the many life-threatening catastrophes we are faced with, I’d like to think the one thing we don’t ever have to worry about is the dead coming back to life and attacking the living.Personally, I have never understood horror fans’ obsession with zombies. Director Martin Scorsese said it best when he told Movieline that he prefers vampires over zombies, though I am not too fond of bloodsuckers either.
“A vampire, quite honestly, you could have a conversation with,” Scorsese said. “He has a sexuality. I mean the undead thing. Zombies. What are you going to do with them? Just keep chopping them up, shooting at them, shooting at them. It’s a whole other thing that apparently means a great deal to our culture and our society.”
Indeed. Zombies have no real personality. They move slow, make howling type noises and I am fairly certain given they either just came out of their coffins or at the local morgue that chances are they give off a foul odor.The only time I have ever seen zombies in movies exhibit any life like personality is in "The Return of the Living Dead" (1985) where the undead actually spoke, albeit less than maybe 50 words which was either “Brains!” and “More brains!” whenever they saw a live human walk in on them, or after chomping down on an entire police department, one zombie tells someone on the radio to “Send more cops.”
I won’t deny that when the Dallas area had that outbreak of tornados last April, the first thing I did in case one touched down where I live was grabbed my wallet, credit cards, check books and two USB flash drives with all my files on them. Prior to that, however, I have never once given a thought about preparing for a national emergency, zombies or not. Disaster preparedness is not the first thing on my mind. Sure, I have a flashlight somewhere in the house, but I have no idea where it is, nor do I know if it even works.
That’s obviously the thinking behind the Homeland Security Department’s mock announcement a few weeks ago educating the public on how to better prepare themselves should a zombie apocalypse actually happen which includes having an emergency evacuation plan, a change of clothes, water, medications and flashlights.
“The theory: If you’re prepared for a zombie attack, the same preparations will help during a hurricane, pandemic, earthquake or terrorist attack,” said an article on The Huffington Post’s website.
I can’t help but feel how sad that is where the only way the public might actually pay any attention to this is if a national emergency is inspired by a cheaply made horror film that spawned five sequels, several cannibalistic imitations, a comic book series and a current TV series on AMC the past four decades.On the other hand, art has a funny, or in most all cases, a not so funny way of imitating life.
Should the day come in which I see a crowd of slow-moving figures coming out of the cemetery down the street and start dragging people from their vehicles causing traffic jams, rest assured before leaving work, I’ll make sure to check the back seat of my car should a zombie be waiting for me lying on the floor. Then I’ll drive off jamming to such tunes as “The Sun Ain’t Gonna’ Shine Anymore” by The Walker Brothers and Johnny Cash’s “The Man Comes Around” on my iPod.
Like those four survivors who took refuge at a mall in the 1978 original and 2004 remake of Dawn of the Dead, I’m racing to take over the nearest shopping center.
I got dibs on Dallas’ NorthPark Mall. They got a Lego store and a movie theater I can spend my remaining end of days in.
©10/2/12
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