I have eaten many hamburgers in my lifetime – some grilled, others mostly grease burgers. Unfortunately, I have yet to encounter the thrill of eating a one-of-a-kind hamburger that is nothing like you get at your local fast-food restaurants.
I have literally begun boycotting places such as Wendy’s and McDonald’s, which no doubt makes my doctor and the weight loss experts at Medifast happy. Other than the obvious reason that they aren’t ideal for one’s health, the other reason why I’ve stopped eating them is because I am sick and tired of all those commercials that show a nice juicy hamburger with steam rising from it. That is a far cry from the one you actually receive, the one that comes with dried meat that looks like it sat there for hours.
Why else did D-Fens, the gun-toting unemployed defense contractor Michael Douglas played in “Falling Down” (1993), pull out an AK-47 upon receiving that dried up flat piece of meat in between two cold buns at the local Whammyburger? It’s because of the deceiving mouth-watering advertisement.
“Can anyone tell me what’s wrong with this picture?” D-Fens asks the patrons comparing his burger to the ad,
When I order a hamburger, I want it to be something I can’t get every day, like when I go to Chicago every few years to see friends and family. I go there to eat what I can’t get here in Texas: Italian beef sandwiches; stuffed pizza from Giordano’s or any for place for that matter that is not Pizza Hut, Dominos, CiCi’s or Papa Johns and “real” Italian pastry.
My search for a one-of-a-kind hamburger has been in vain. I have tried watching those specials on the Travel Channel profiling the nation’s top burger joints. The same went for that Texas Monthly article in their August 2009 issue profiling the 50 greatest hamburgers in the Lone Star State.
Seeing those hefty guys late at night stuffing their faces and saying, “You don’t want to eat this every day,” does me no good when I am on a Medifast diet of powdered drinks, eggs, puddings, bars, eight glasses of water and am only allowed one meat and veggie meal a day.
I could not get past the magazine’s front cover without wanting to order a Big Mouth Burger from Chili’s.
My repeated emails and phone calls to Audrina Partridge, Padma Lakshmi and Paris Hilton asking their opinions about those charbroiled burgers they have advertised for Carl’s Jr over the have gone unanswered.
All I want to know s if they think the burgers are any good. I am story, a but a sexy commercial ad and a quote from a customer in an article on the company’s website who, after eating their $14 Prime Rib - $6 burger says, “It’s like an orgasm” is not enough to convince me.
I hate to think the only one-of-a-kind burger to check out is The Heart Attack Grill, located in Chandler, Arizona, which I first heard about on Paul Harvey a few years ago.
It’s here, according to their website, www.heartattackgrill.com, where patrons called “patients” can chomp down on “All-You-Can-Eat Flatliner Fries” that are cooked in pure lard. They have the choice of burgers ranging from one to four patties and are cooked with a half-pound to two pounds of beef packed with cheese (don’t forget the lard), all of which are named after heart operations.
The Quadruple Bypass Burger is reportedly 8,000 calories. To help wash all this down, one can drink a full sugar Jolt Cola. It looks like such heart and diabetes medications at Crestor, Coreg, Januvia and Metformin will be no match for this intake of saturated fats that by the time you are done has got to be around 20,000 calories plus.
As an added bonus, those who are over 350 pounds and overeat for free. Should one live through finishing off The Quadruple Bypass Burger, he (or she) would be escorted out to their car in a wheelchair by a sexy nurse of his (her) choosing who would put the Hooters’ girls to shame. These young ladies are dressed in over-the-knee skirts, stockings, and feels. You don’t get this kind of service at Hooters.
I’ll visit The Heart Attack Grill one of these days. When I am suicidal, that is.
My search for the one-of-a-kind burger almost ended last December when one of my coworkers ordered lunch from a local joint called Burger Island. I figured there is a place that probably serves a hamburger you don’t normally eat every day and although they have a handful of restaurants in the Dallas area, they are not the corporate equivalent of McDonald’s or Whataburger. Up until recently, they didn’t even have a website.
Sure, I could have ordered their Big Island Burger which comes with sauteed onions, jalapenos, American and provolone cheese, mayo, mustard, lettuce, tomatoes and pickles or the Double Joint Burger, which comes with the same condiments, but the double meat is one pound. I wasn’t in the mood to be adventurous, nor was I in the mood for leftovers.
So, I just ordered their simple $4.20 hamburger. When the food arrived, my heart sank. The burger looked like your average Whataburger. Then I took a bite and the meat tasted different. It had a tangy taste that reminded me of those Italian beef sandwiches in Chicago.
I thought to myself I finally found the perfect hamburger where the secret to how it tastes lies in the meat cooked!
If only my joy had lasted longer. When I returned to Burger Island a few weeks later to order the same thing, gone was that tangy taste I encountered the first time. The hamburger was the same as one gets anywhere else. It was just a plain old grease burger.
And so, my search for the one-of-a-kind hamburger continues.
©11/24/09
I have literally begun boycotting places such as Wendy’s and McDonald’s, which no doubt makes my doctor and the weight loss experts at Medifast happy. Other than the obvious reason that they aren’t ideal for one’s health, the other reason why I’ve stopped eating them is because I am sick and tired of all those commercials that show a nice juicy hamburger with steam rising from it. That is a far cry from the one you actually receive, the one that comes with dried meat that looks like it sat there for hours.
Why else did D-Fens, the gun-toting unemployed defense contractor Michael Douglas played in “Falling Down” (1993), pull out an AK-47 upon receiving that dried up flat piece of meat in between two cold buns at the local Whammyburger? It’s because of the deceiving mouth-watering advertisement.
“Can anyone tell me what’s wrong with this picture?” D-Fens asks the patrons comparing his burger to the ad,
When I order a hamburger, I want it to be something I can’t get every day, like when I go to Chicago every few years to see friends and family. I go there to eat what I can’t get here in Texas: Italian beef sandwiches; stuffed pizza from Giordano’s or any for place for that matter that is not Pizza Hut, Dominos, CiCi’s or Papa Johns and “real” Italian pastry.
My search for a one-of-a-kind hamburger has been in vain. I have tried watching those specials on the Travel Channel profiling the nation’s top burger joints. The same went for that Texas Monthly article in their August 2009 issue profiling the 50 greatest hamburgers in the Lone Star State.
Seeing those hefty guys late at night stuffing their faces and saying, “You don’t want to eat this every day,” does me no good when I am on a Medifast diet of powdered drinks, eggs, puddings, bars, eight glasses of water and am only allowed one meat and veggie meal a day.
I could not get past the magazine’s front cover without wanting to order a Big Mouth Burger from Chili’s.
My repeated emails and phone calls to Audrina Partridge, Padma Lakshmi and Paris Hilton asking their opinions about those charbroiled burgers they have advertised for Carl’s Jr over the have gone unanswered.
All I want to know s if they think the burgers are any good. I am story, a but a sexy commercial ad and a quote from a customer in an article on the company’s website who, after eating their $14 Prime Rib - $6 burger says, “It’s like an orgasm” is not enough to convince me.
I hate to think the only one-of-a-kind burger to check out is The Heart Attack Grill, located in Chandler, Arizona, which I first heard about on Paul Harvey a few years ago.
It’s here, according to their website, www.heartattackgrill.com, where patrons called “patients” can chomp down on “All-You-Can-Eat Flatliner Fries” that are cooked in pure lard. They have the choice of burgers ranging from one to four patties and are cooked with a half-pound to two pounds of beef packed with cheese (don’t forget the lard), all of which are named after heart operations.
The Quadruple Bypass Burger is reportedly 8,000 calories. To help wash all this down, one can drink a full sugar Jolt Cola. It looks like such heart and diabetes medications at Crestor, Coreg, Januvia and Metformin will be no match for this intake of saturated fats that by the time you are done has got to be around 20,000 calories plus.
As an added bonus, those who are over 350 pounds and overeat for free. Should one live through finishing off The Quadruple Bypass Burger, he (or she) would be escorted out to their car in a wheelchair by a sexy nurse of his (her) choosing who would put the Hooters’ girls to shame. These young ladies are dressed in over-the-knee skirts, stockings, and feels. You don’t get this kind of service at Hooters.
I’ll visit The Heart Attack Grill one of these days. When I am suicidal, that is.
My search for the one-of-a-kind burger almost ended last December when one of my coworkers ordered lunch from a local joint called Burger Island. I figured there is a place that probably serves a hamburger you don’t normally eat every day and although they have a handful of restaurants in the Dallas area, they are not the corporate equivalent of McDonald’s or Whataburger. Up until recently, they didn’t even have a website.
Sure, I could have ordered their Big Island Burger which comes with sauteed onions, jalapenos, American and provolone cheese, mayo, mustard, lettuce, tomatoes and pickles or the Double Joint Burger, which comes with the same condiments, but the double meat is one pound. I wasn’t in the mood to be adventurous, nor was I in the mood for leftovers.
So, I just ordered their simple $4.20 hamburger. When the food arrived, my heart sank. The burger looked like your average Whataburger. Then I took a bite and the meat tasted different. It had a tangy taste that reminded me of those Italian beef sandwiches in Chicago.
I thought to myself I finally found the perfect hamburger where the secret to how it tastes lies in the meat cooked!
If only my joy had lasted longer. When I returned to Burger Island a few weeks later to order the same thing, gone was that tangy taste I encountered the first time. The hamburger was the same as one gets anywhere else. It was just a plain old grease burger.
And so, my search for the one-of-a-kind hamburger continues.
©11/24/09
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