Lack of campus parking complaints makes me wonder if students hold a college degree in “Bitching”

I’m what you might call a “career student.” I’ve set foot on many campuses over the years. So I know a thing or two about parking – and parking complaints.

Every college I have been to is like a tradition that the campus newspaper must do a story about parking for the first issue of the spring and fall semesters. The editorial decision is as predictable as a majority of today’s movies.

For a community college that specializes in education, maybe they should offer a new two-year degree called “Bitching” when it comes to parking. Hell, I am sure there a number of people out there who already hold a bachelor’s or master’s degree in the subject.

I am amazed at how I never heard anyone complain about the lack of parking when they go to Six Flags, a concert or a sporting event.

Nor do I hear anyone gripe about having to walk miles to get to the mall beginning the day after Thanksgiving through New Year’s having to park their car so far you have to make a mental note where you left your vehicle.

If there is one place I avoid during the holidays, it’s the malls. That’s why God invented gift cards and Walmart.

Oh, but I stand corrected. Those are places people go to for amusement. This is college. There is no entertainment here, right?

The only time I get irritated with the lack of parking on campus grounds is when construction sacrifices an entire parking lot. As a result, everyone is forced to park elsewhere. Therein lies where all the problems start.

Yes, I am aware administrators are always looking to improve the campus grounds adding new buildings but deciding to begin construction at the start of the semester is not a good idea. Construction should be done during March or spring break and continue through the summer when the campus is not bustling with activity.

When there is no construction, what burns me up are the single driver watch parties, or ‘stalkers’ who drive around in their vehicles watching people headed to their cars in hopes to claim that parking space the minute the other person leaves.

I am sorry but there is no rule that says when that lazy ass in their vehicle sits there waiting for me to pull out, I have to vacate the minute I get in my car!

You know what I’m going to do from now on? Anytime some ‘stalker’ sees me going to my car and wants first dibs on my space, I am going to take my own sweet time pulling out.

Perhaps I’ll take out the sub sandwich I just bought and chomp down right in front of the ‘stalker’ just to tick them off instead of pulling out.

Perhaps I’ll check texts on my cellphone.

Perhaps I’ll call my supervisor asking how many IT tickets are there, so I know ahead of time what I have to deal with when I show up at work later that day.

Perhaps I’ll call my sister. We never talk anyway except on holidays.

Maybe I’ll call 911 or campus police and tell them some annoying person is upset I’m not vacating my parking space while they sit and waste gas. Then the minute the police officers show up, I’ll drive away.

I am beginning to think if a campus newspaper DIDN’T draft a story or editorial about the parking situation, I’d get worried and wonder if students are happy with the facilities, which is as much a lie as President Obama’s promise that under his new health care plan, Americans can keep their own medical insurance.

The facts are these. Everything that goes on here regarding parking is the same at every college at the beginning of every semester.

Every college campus gets a slew of new incoming students who are either coming to register at the last minute or buy their books, depending on where the bookstore and admissions offices are. Because of their unfamiliarity with the campus, they are figuring out the best place to park and the quickest way to get to classes.

All this heavy traffic right now will cease before the end of September or as soon as students either stop coming to classes, drop one or all their courses, or find the closest buildings where their classes are taught and park near those areas.

At that point, the “bitching” will stop and come January, the vicious cycle will start up again. You will see the folks at your daily campus newspaper drafting another story and/or editorial about the current parking situation.

You people and parking! It never ends!

You know, with all the talk about health care and how obesity has become a national epidemic, it wouldn’t hurt, those of you complaining having to park so far away from the campus, to get out and walk to class.

I, for one, welcome walking as I know I could use the exercise. I am 110 percent certain, if not all of you could use the exercise.

Now if you excuse me, I need to put away my laptop and get my car started. There is someone behind me who’s been waiting the past 45 minutes for me to leave so he can claim my parking space.

©9/1/09