Obesity not as funny as "Hollyweird" makes it out to be

A few weeks ago, I caught what has been the No. 1 movie for two straight weeks in January – “Paul Blart: Mall Cop.” It's about a divorced, overweight, self-conscious father, played by Kevin James, who lives with his mother and daughter and works as a security guard for the local mall.

The film, which has grossed $112 million to date, could be described as "Die Hard In A Mall" in which Blart battles terrorists who take over the shopping center on Black Friday, the day after Thanksgiving.

Despite being considered a comedy, the movie left me with a few disturbing impressions about how Americans look at obesity, with laughter at the top of the list.

In one scene, Blart and another overweight African American male, much larger than he, have a contest to see who can finish off a bowl of nachos first.

When the lead terrorist tells a police negotiator he wants a happy meal, the hefty African American kid later asks if he can get one, too.

I admit I smiled a lot at all the mock references about overweight people, this coming from someone who is overweight. Just like I laughed and actually felt honored when my former manager once told me how I reminded him of Bluto, the party drinking character John Belushi played in “Animal House” (1978).

Because of my Italian background and my size, he also told me I reminded him of Clemenza, the overweight capo regime, played by Richard Castellano, in “The Godfather” (1972). It wasn't because he pictured me dressed in an overcoat carrying a long thin box with a shotgun inside walking up several flights of stairs to blow away rivals of the New York crime family or sitting in the back seat of a car ready to garrot the traitorous son-in-law sitting in the front seat.

Clemenza's love of food and drink was the reason my manager compared me to the character. When he was not busy asking for a pitcher of wine at a wedding, Clemenza was seen teaching Michael Corleone (Al Pacino) how to perfectly cook up some meatballs and sausage, much to the annoyance of James Caan's Sonny.

Let's be honest. Of all the lines people quote from The Godfather movies, the most humorous is the one not mentioned in Mario Puzo's novel or the original screenplay where Castellano ad-libs his character’s infamous line, "Leave the gun. Take the cannoli."

What's ironic is whenever audiences aren't busy laughing at such memorable characters, they are busy criticizing how some celebrities, women in particular, have allowed their hot-looking physiques slide.

You need look no further than singer Jessica Simpson whose recent unveiling of her chunky side didn’t win rave reviews from the public. Only 24 percent in a poll said she looked great. I was among that group. People have no idea what the phrase, "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder" means. I had no problem with the photos, much like the ones I saw in 2007 of Britney Spears sporting a small pot belly during a televised dance number at the MTV Music Video Awards and Jennifer Love Hewitt's handlebars while sporting a bikini on the beach. The bottom line is: They were still better looking than I am.

The grim reality of obesity is that it is not funny at all. Yet, when Hollywood attempts to confront the issue head-on, such as criticizing overweight people, they get heat from the public. Such was the case early this year when comedian Ricky Gervais said people should just put down the hamburgers and go out and exercise.

"If your arse is too fucking fat, stop eating and go for a run," Gervais said.

I cannot say I do not agree with him. Like Gervais, who also admits he has a weight problem and wishes people on the street would call him "fatty" as he is walking by as a means to get him to do something about his girth, I'd personally welcome it if the girlfriend I meet was a cross between a foul-mouthed drill sergeant and a physically fit guru who was the equivalent of a muscle-bound dominatrix who wouldn't think twice about whipping my ass whenever I fall off the dietary wagon.

Every six months my doctor tells me how pleased he is that my blood sugar, cholesterol, and blood pressure are all under control, partially because I watch what I eat but mostly thanks to all the medications I am on. Before leaving, he always adds that all those symptoms will go away if I lose some weight, even just a little. But he does not get upset or throw a fit when he sees I have not made much progress on weight loss. It is because of the risk of losing me as a patient.

Maybe a little scolding is what we all need. I know what foods I should and should not be eating and I do go out for walks around the track a few days a week, but I need to do a lot more. As my trainer at 24 Hour Fitness once told me when it comes to dieting, "This ain't rocket science."

I have found when it comes to dieting and weight loss you must be of two minds on the subject; saying and doing. My problem is I do too much saying and not enough doing.

Of course, I am not going to waste column space quoting articles from the Center for Disease Control about how the number of overweight people continues to rise every year, and along with those numbers the rising statistics of people diagnosed with type 2 diabetes, coronary heart disease, cancer, and sleep apnea problems. I have heard all this before and so has everyone else, whether they are hefty or not.

Paul Blart is not the first, nor will he be the last of memorable overweight, self-conscious characters people enjoy watching on the big screen. Fantasy, however, only lasts a couple of hours.

The reality is when the theater lights go off and the ushers are left picking up the remains of half empty boxes of stale popcorn, sodas, slushy’s, candy and half eaten-day-old hot dogs, microwave pizzas and nachos, obesity is not as funny as Hollywood makes it out to be.

©2/21/09