Darth Stumpo's Ten Most Unnecessary News Stories of 2007

Every December as the year ends, several popular weekly publications and newspapers give a rundown of “The Top 10…” things that happened over the past 12 months. The lists used to always be the 10 best television shows, movies, books, music, and plays. Now it seems publications come up with not just a few but perhaps more than a dozen “Top 10” lists that are enough to take up either an entire magazine issue or a whole section of a newspaper to the point the lists would have to be split into a series.

I have had quite a hard time over the years to be able to come up with what I thought were the ten best movies. Half the stuff I have seen Hollywood churn out the past few years, I have been lucky to see even one four-star film.

I am proud to say though that in 2007, I had no trouble coughing up what I thought were the year’s most unnecessary top stories the “Drive-by” liberally, biased news media gave excessive coverage to. Face the facts people. Ninety percent of the stuff being reported as so-called news is nothing more than pure entertainment tabloid fluff while the remaining ten percent, if that much, is focused on more important issues.

Darth Stumpo's Ten Most Unnecessary News Stories of 2007

1. The California Wildfires: The “Drive-by” media had such high hopes the California wildfires started by arsonists last October that cost millions in property losses would be another Hurricane Katrina-like disaster. They hoped several lives would be lost and once again, local city, government, emergency agencies and oh yes, President Bush would all be to blame. I had to laugh when ABC news anchor Charles Gibson compared one of the neighborhoods threatened by the wildfires resembled “Wisteria Lane,” the fabled street of ABC’s popular Sunday night soap opera, “Desperate Housewives”. I guess the only way today’s news anchors can get viewers to tune in to what they think is the day’s most important top story is if they reference a fictional television show dimwitted viewers can relate to. Seems more people today can name the street, not to mention the four fictional attractive-looking homemakers who live on Wisteria Lane than they are able to name of even one Los Angeles suburb affected by the wildfires. Sad.

2. The Continuing Misadventures of O.J. Simpson: What would a year be without any news about The Juice? This year it was O.J. and his tell-all book, “If I Did It”, which details how he might have murdered his ex-wife, Nicole Brown Simpson, and her friend, Ron Goldman. Take out the “If” and the title becomes “I Did It.” There was O.J. and a couple of his merry band of outlaws asking for his sports memorabilia back at gunpoint in Las Vegas. And there was O.J. pleading not guilty in a Las Vegas court of law. Stay tuned to the upcoming sequel due out in 2008 when the case goes to trial.

3. “The Sopranos” series finale: When HBO’s long running made-for-cable mob series aired its final episode June 10, it was not just the 11.90 million faithful viewers or perhaps I should say “suckers” who wanted to know what mob boss Tony Soprano saw in that diner before the scene faded to black. Did he get whacked? Would the adventures of America’s second most popular dysfunctional crime family (the first being The Corleone’s from The Godfather trilogy) continue on the big screen? The press felt a story needed to be told here. The climax, however, was no more different than some of the much ballyhooed and often, disappointing series finales that left viewers either hanging or going “huh” like when Jerry, George, Kramer, and Elaine got sentenced to a year in jail for being selfish pricks on “Seinfeld” (1990-1998). Or when viewers learned that six seasons of the medical drama, “St. Elsewhere” (1982-1988), took place in the mind of an autistic child or that the comedy series “Newhart” (1982-1990) was nothing more than a humorous eight season long nightmare dreamt up by Bob Newhart’s psychiatrist from his other long running comedy series from the 70s, “The Bob Newhart Show” (1972-1978). Talk about making a big deal about nothing!

4. The Fall of and Immediate Return of Don Imus: I have never listened to Don Imus, but I am well familiar with how a few of the things he said on the air over the years got him into trouble. Was what he said on his morning radio show last February calling members of the Rutgers University women’s basketball team “nappy-headed hos” racist? You must be a complete idiot, and even racist yourself if your answer is no. Should he have been penalized for it? Yes. But was it enough to finally put an end to the radio shock jock’s on-air rants? No. Imus returned to the airwaves December 3 on WABC. So much for the Rev. Al Sharpton’s attempts to silence free speech.

5. The Virginia Tech Shootings: The first couple days were about the 32 victims, many of whose promising young lives were only just beginning before being senselessly snuffed out by an angry young loner (would the word “loser” be inappropriate?) that cold Spring Monday morning last April. The story shifted from being about the victims to being all about this Grim Reaper the minute the media and the world learned the identity of the vengeful coward who turned the gun on himself as law enforcement agents closed in. I, for one, am glad I cannot recall his name, much less pronounce it if I did, nor will I waste words mentioning it here in this column. Lest I also be found guilty of the same thing the media did, which was giving the monster the 15 minutes of fame he so craved. As a result of unexpectedly being put in the spotlight, Virginia Tech students spoke what everyone else in America would have liked to tell the press days after the shootings in the form of a sign posted on campus grounds. “VT Stay Strong. Media Stay Away.”

6. All Anna All the Time: The Death of Anna Nicole Smith: Feb. 8, 2007, must have been a slow news day for CNN for the top story was the sudden news that the 39-year-old former Playboy playmate and reality show star was found dead in her home of what we’d all eventually learn was a drug overdose. Her short life and tragic downfall was all we should have learned but an obituary that should have taken news outlets a couple days to write about expanded into weeks of overblown coverage with ongoing stories of autopsy results, paternity suits, battles over who would get custody of Smith’s 1-year-old daughter, burial services and embarrassing interviews showing the Marilyn Monroe look-a-like drugged out and in some cases barely able to form as much as a complete sentence. Her life was nothing more than a sad commentary on the idea of “Hey, everyone look at me!” and the press, the entertainment media, in particular ran with it.

7. Oprahmania: We have seen celebrities’ stump for presidential candidates before. Today’s liberal media are praying that Democratic presidential hopeful Barack Obama now has a chance to being America’s first African American elected president thanks to the full backing of daytime talk show diva, Oprah Winfrey. It is not Hillary Clinton conservatives have to worry about now. My advice to those hoping a Republican will get in the White House in 2008, “Be Afraid. Be Very Afraid.” Can her support help get Obama into becoming the latest resident on 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue? One thing is certain. More people like Oprah than they do singer Barbra Streisand, who is lending all her support to Hillary Clinton.

8. NBC News Anchor Brian Williams hosting “Saturday Night Live”: No, I did not see the anchor’s comedic debut, but I saw clips that aired on NBC Nightly News the next day. I admit some of the clips were humorous like dropping coins on morning show hosts Al Roker and Matt Lauer from the top floor during their telecasts. But is this what broadcast journalism has stooped to with highly paid good looking talking heads not only anchoring the news but guest hosting a long running comedy show? Granted, former longtime celebrity anchors CBS’ Dan Rather, NBC’s Tom Brokaw and “the James Bond of Broadcast Journalism” ABC’s the late Peter Jennings may have come on as guests at the behest of late-night talk show hosts but not once were they ever asked to host a comedy sketch series or those educational “More You Know” commercials on NBC.

9. Lisa Nowak and The NASA Love Triangle: Viewers would never hear about a mother of three kids making a 900-mile trek from Houston, Texas to Orlando, Florida wearing adult diapers and armed with a BB gun, a knife, a mallet, and rubber tubing to confront a romantic rival for stealing her man on the nightly news. That is unless the mother of three happens to be a NASA astronaut who has flown on a shuttle mission.

10. “Mom! It’s not right.” Do not cry for Paris Hilton: I am willing to bet several people convicted of driving with a suspended license would have welcomed the 45-day jail sentence socialite Paris Hilton received last May. Not so for this Chihuahua loving party girl who could barely do a week. Five days into her jail sentence last June in what became misinformation between the judge and law enforcement authorities, the millionaire heiress was allowed to do her remaining time at home, only to be dragged back to the courthouse balling inside a black and white police car as helicopters flew overhead and angry little Chihuahuas barked away on the ground. To quote her own words, “That’s hot.

I am willing to bet several of you reading this could not get enough of this kind of trivial coverage the media churned out over the past year. It reminds me of the scene in “Broadcast News” (1987) where Holly Hunter’s Jane Craig warns the staff during a speech about how today’s news networks are getting away from covering the more important stories and giving the public more fluff. Her audience applauded when she showed them a segment of the Japanese Domino Championships.

My response is exactly the same as hers and the bad news is if you haven’t noticed it already, you are going to get lot more of these kinds of stories just like it.

Here’s to what will likely be another unnecessary tabloid filled New Year.

©1/1/08