SEX SELLS! Publications entice readers to buy!

News Flash!

The campus newspaper will be publishing an exclusive all-nude issue featuring male and female staff writings writing and copy-editing articles in the buff!

That’s right! You read it right here!

Actually, no, they aren’t. That was all just one big tease for you people who have probably never picked up a copy of the college newspaper here on campus. I wouldn’t be surprised if the only reason why you might be interested in getting your hands on an “All nude” issue published by the college newspaper staff is so you can do what you normally do in private when you gaze at female centerfolds found in Playboy or in the yearly edition of Sports Illustrated. And when I am talking “private,” I am not talking about “drooling.”

Sex sells. Such is the attitude magazine publishers, and, in some cases, newspaper editors have in a print industry hard hit by the recession. Publications are so desperate to win over readers that their concern is not in providing content but offering up slices of female cheesecake as an attempt to get readers to buy something they’d normally wouldn’t.

If you buy into the reason the New York Post published photos of ESPN reporter Erin Andrews nude in her hotel bedroom because ESPN outed her as the one seen in the infamous Internet video taken by the peephole pervert last August, you’re nothing more than a born sucker.

The New York Post did it to sell newspapers.

As a kid growing up in the 70s and 80s, when I frequented the bookstores, or maybe I just didn’t pay attention to what was sitting on the magazine racks, I didn’t recall various periodicals flaunting front covers of celebrities with either a tie or string bikini like I see now.

I always thought nudity was relegated to the just the pornographic magazines, all of which came equipped with that sealed plastic bag.

Not so anymore. On Oct. 9, ESPN magazine, which is published by Disney, unveiled their first ever “Body Issue” featuring various male and female athletes in either the nude or seminude positions.

I guess Mickey Mouse has no problem showing supposedly tasteful photos of martial artist Gina Carano, tennis star Serena Williams or major league baseball’s Ivan Rodriguez in the buff. How ironic. They embrace nudity, and yet they won’t release ABC’s “The Path to 9/11” out of fear the film will ruin former President Clinton’s legacy as America’s leader who claims he tried to kill Osama bin Laden during his eight years in office.

I have nothing against magazines publishing nude photos of celebrities with either little or nothing so long as the publication or article printed has something to do with the images.

There is a reason why Shape magazine has former “Seinfeld” star Julia Louis-Dreyfus showing off her trimmed abdominal muscles in a bikini. The picture is not just to show off how good looking she is at 48. Somewhere in that issue is an article explaining how she got herself to look that way.

That does not, however, explain the reason actress Jennifer Aniston’s appearance on the front cover f GQ magazine in only a tie. What does she have to do with a gentleman’s fashion magazine? I have to wonder about the decisions some actresses make when it comes to losing the robe for the cameras. The minute Playboy publisher Hugh Hefner offers a top Hollywood actress like Aniston, Lindsey Lohan, or singer Britney Spears to pose nude for half a million, they say no. Yet when some non-pornographic publication calls asking if they’d lose the clothes for an upcoming issue, they say yes.

I can’t help but laugh at how bookstores today attempt to make certain publications inaccessible to the kids by placing them on the top magazine racks. Just because 8-year-old Mikey, Jr. can’t quite reach the top rack for a closer look at the front cover of Out magazine that caters to the gay/lesbian community showing singer Lady Gaga with nothing on doesn’t mean the kid’s blind.

I might as well start calling Allure magazine “Playboy Lite” judging from the nude spreads I saw of comedienne Chelsey Handler, actress Eliza Dushku, and TV chef Padma Lakshmi in their April 21 issue which was promoted by the entertainment media.

The answers they gave in Allure are the pornographic equivalent of what centerfolds in Playboy or Maxim say.

“My boobs are good,” said Chelsea Handler, when asked what body parts of which she is most proud. “They’re real and perky. Even if you can’t see them, the important thing I that I know about them, and the guys I’ve slept with know about them.”

“I tend to sleep in the nude,” said Padma Lakshmi. “I’m an innately tactile person and a very sensual-leaning woman. You have to use the word ‘leaning’ or it sounds like I’m boasting! When I’m in my own private space, I do spend time with very little on.”

Seeing them in the buff with hands over their breasts and private parts, I have to ask, why don’t they just let it all hang out for Playboy? These pictorials are nothing more than their way of saying, “Look at me, loser. Sit there and dream about what you not only wish you could have but will never ever look like no matter how much you diet and exercise.”

The content readers are supplied with today is not journalism. Writers and photographers are not working the journalism profession. They are instead working in the business of publishing soft-core pornography.

In today’s print industry, the editors and publishers are the pimps, the female celebrity icons who strip down are the prostitutes, and the readers are the johns, who shell out their hard-earned money to gaze at something they’d normally never buy much less read just to get a cheap thrill.

I don’t happen to be one of those people. Are you?

©10/6/09

Guess what I just learned!

Guess what I just learned!

I am a racist, not only because I do not support President Barack Obama and the miserable direction he is taking this country, but in particular because I said no to a Facebook question, “Should President Obama be allowed to do a nationwide address to school children without parental consent?”

At least that’s what one person, who is a white liberal, wrote in on my Facebook page. This is the same accusatory, dimwitted, finger-pointing mentality most people have been thinking recently. Former President Jimmy Carter and comedian Bill Cosby among them, especially if they are white, who say they are against President Obama.

“It’s clearly a case of conservative, white, (if not completely racist) idiots in Texas,” wrote this person on my Facebook page. “They wouldn’t mind if it were Bush, who advocates torture, or talking to their kids, but it really eats them up that we’ve got a black president. Let’s face it. The real issue is racism hidden in the cloak of avoiding a so-called “socialist message.”

As of this writing, the results of that Facebook poll question are extremely close, with 48.3% saying yes and 47.9% saying no.

It never ceases to amaze me at how the minute someone says they are not “for” something, if the person they disagree with happens to be of a different color, it means that person is “a racist.”

Angie Harmon

Earlier this year, former “Law & Order” actress Angie Harmon had to stand up for herself against accusations of being called racist because she was against President Obama.

“If I have anything to say against Obama it’s not because I’m a racist. It’s because I don’t like what he’s doing as president and anybody should be able to feel that way,” Harmon said in a March 2009 article on Fox.

“But what I find now is that if you say anything against him, you’re called a racist. But it has nothing to do with it. I don’t care what color he is. I’m just not crazy about what he’s doing, and I heard all about this, and he’s gonna do that and change and change, so okay…I’m still dressing for a recession over here buddy, and we’ve got unemployment at an all-time high and that was his number one thing and that’s the thing I really don’t appreciate. If I’m going to disagree with my president, that doesn’t make me a racist. If I was to disagree with “W”, that doesn’t make me racist. It has nothing to do with it. It is ridiculous.”

My point exactly.

When people criticize President Obama and his policies, it’s not about race. It’s about being against the direction he has taken this country so far. His stimulus package is not going to work and has likely already failed. Cash for Clunkers failed as well.

The unemployment rate that President Obama promised he was going to fix stands at over 9 percent, and it will go into the double digits next year. He wants to stop CIA officials from carrying out water boarding on terror suspects when in fact, such procedures kept this country safe in the eight years since 9/11. He thinks we can have sit downs with the country’s enemies, like Iran, as though such discussions would have worked if only, we sat down with Adolf Hitler and Japan during World War II.

His decision last week to scrap former President Bush’s plan for a U.S. missile defense system in Poland and the Czech Republic basically sends a message to our allies, such as Israel, “Screw you.” If the time ever comes when we need those countries’ support, they are probably going to say no and, honestly, give we just stabbed in the back last week, I can’t say I blame them.

When it comes to his government-run health care proposal, President Obama told Congress and the nation Sept. 9 that it will cost $900 billion over 10 years.

“Less than we have spent on the Iraq and Afghanistan wars,” he said.

It doesn’t take a brain surgeon to figure out who is going to be fronting that $900 billion bill if government-run health care passes.

This country is in so much debt now that the one thing this administration has in common with most, if not all Americans, is they have no idea how to control their spending.

So, tell me, all you accusing racist finger-pointers who dare call me racist, where in the above few paragraphs did, I say I am against the president because of his skin color?

It doesn’t matter if the president is male, female, white, black, conservative, liberal, Muslin, Asian, an alien from outer space, cat or a dog (though I am convinced a dog can probably run the country better than any human).

If I don’t like the direction he is taking this country, then I, like anyone else who is for or against this person, have a right to my opinion. This is America with a “c.” Not Amerika, with a “k,” though I feel that will be what this country will be called before President Obama’s term is up, with the socialist agenda he keeps pushing with the help of the biased liberal drive-by media.

I have two words for such people who, every time they hear someone say something negative about this president that they don’t agree with, they feel compelled to reach into their wallet and pull out this little thing called “The Race Card.”

GROW UP!

©9/29/09

A sexy "micro-budget" vampire indie with bite

Bloodwine «««
NR, 99m. 2008

Cast & Credits: Melissa Johnson (Andrea), Lora Meins (Brandy), Vanessa Leinani (Carmilla), Heather Whitsell (Mercedes), Christina DeYoung (Nicole), Michael Lunday (Professor Kendall), Chad Holbrook (Brian), Corey Cleary-Stoner (Wine Shop Clerk), Richard Gray (Uncle Walter), Zalika Thomas (College Nurse), Mallory Carrick (Waitress/Customer), Stacey Girard Morgan (Tattoo Patron), Sandi Sharp (TV News Reporter), Eric Malloy (Space Rogue), Mandi Mazey (Tentacle Victim), Nicole Godwin (Lady Malicent), Vicky Morgan-Keith (Doom Bunny). Screenplay by Patrick Keith and Vicky Morgan-Keith. Directed by Patrick Keith.



I am not a fan of vampire films, though I can understand the apparent infatuation horror fans have with the undead. I got to admit, other than going out at night to find some young necks to sink their two sharp fangs into and then have to worry about concealing the evidence, being a vampire is probably not that bad. You get to sleep all day, never have to see the doctor (you’re dead already) and you never age.

To quote the tagline from “The Lost Boys” (1987), “It's fun to be a vampire.”

A bloodsucker can live a long eternal life provided he/she does everything in their power to avoid sunlight, a stake, cross, or holy water, which given the number of vampire films I have sat through over the years, doesn’t always work.

Although I think the most faithful, though not necessarily the best adaptation about the Prince of Darkness to date was director Francis Coppola’s “Dracula” (1992), I have always held the same belief. You’ve seen one vampire film; you’ve seen them all. I am not talking about the predictable storylines. I am talking about their supernatural characteristics.

I am amazed, for example, at how vampires are able to get from place to place in a matter of a second and yet, they can’t manage to get themselves out of a pair of handcuffs as the sun is coming up. You see them staring at you one minute from afar, only to be gone the next. Sometimes they will call out their prey’s name though they never make their presence physically known.

That’s exactly what happens in “Bloodwine,” a sexy, low-budget, or to put in more precise words of first-time director Patrick Keith, who also wrote the screenplay along with his wife, Vicky Morgan-Keith, a “micro-budget” horror film.

I say “sexy” because this is a female vampire movie. I may not like vampire movies in general but I do think women vampires are sexier, maybe more domineering than the male ones. Maybe it’s that same kind of arousal men sometimes get seeing two good looking women kiss and make out.



Early on in the film when at the cemetery visiting the grave of her boyfriend, Brian (Chad Holbrook), recently killed in a car accident, Andrea (Melissa Johnson), a young Gothic college student, often thinks she is being watched as when she sees a female stranger (Vanessa Leinani) looking at her from afar. When she is alone in her dorm, sometimes she’ll hear a feminine voice calling her name though no one is around.

When it comes to visual effects, a filmmaker/screenwriter would be breaking the cardinal rule of vampire flicks if their lead character/villain didn’t become a fireball and get reduced to ashes at sunrise. Or at the very least, briefly writhe in pain the way Andrea’s best friend and college roommate, Brandy (Lori Meins), does when she is awakened by the burning sensation of her pale white, blue veined skinned left-hand smoking as the morning sun peaks through the blinds of her dormitory shower window. As if she didn’t have enough to go through given she spent much of the night before hugging the toilet and passing out on the floor of the bathroom; the aftereffects of a strange drink she took a few gulps from that Andrea bought for her as a birthday present.

Echoes of Good Movies Past

I wasn’t shocked by the number of scenes which brought to mind memories of countless other horror/suspense films like the shower scene in “Psycho” (1960) and “Return of the Living Dead” (1985) (paramedics trying to figure out why someone's heart isn't beating yet they are still alive). There is even an Elvira-like Mistress of the Dark named Lady Malicent who hosts cheaply made scary thrillers with the help of her co-host puppet, Doom Bunny (the film’s studio logo),which when brought to life, is a gray bunny rabbit with bulging, psychotic, uneven eyes and a severed right ear that wields a scythe for a weapon.

Director Keith, who admits on the couple’s website, http://www.bloodwinemovie.com/, that his love for making movies occurred when he first saw “Star Wars” in 1977, seems to make no qualms about what films he got his inspiration from to make this picture. A dream sequence, for example, between Andrea and her dead boyfriend brought to mind the deleted scene in James Cameron’s director’s cut of “Terminator II: Judgement Day” (1990) between Linda Hamilton’s and Micheal Biehn’s characters. At one point, Keith even imitates Hitchcock making a quick cameo appearance. When we’re not hearing the hard rock music of Dallas band, Slick Lady Six and the Transistor Tramps, whose voice of the lead singer sounds a lot like Chrissie Hynde of The Pretenders, we get a musical score that sounds like something director John Carpenter scored for his first independent box office hit thriller, “Halloween” (1978).

I am certain it wasn’t Keith’s intention but I got the feeling as though he was channeling the format director Quentin Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez took with “Grindhouse” (2007), going for not just an independent level, but leaving in some minor kinks or flaws watching it to give one the feel this is a low budget production. Watching it on my 37’-inch flat screen television, I found some scenes, dream sequences in particular to be fuzzy. When I viewed the film in parts; however, on my personal computer, the picture quality was actually crystal clear. I suspect the smaller the screen you see on, the better the picture quality. There were also times where the “suspenseful” music overtook the dialogue to where I couldn’t hear what the characters were saying.

“Not all just a quick bite on the neck with two fangs”

The big surprise and perhaps the best thing “Bloodwine” has going for it is it offers us a different twist on the vampire genre. For all I know, “Bloodwine” might just be the Keith’s way of saying, “There are other ways you can become a vampire. It’s not all just a quick bite on the neck with two fangs.”

Watching “Bloodwine” is like being at a film festival in Dallas or Sundance and reading film production material to catch a few trailers. You have no idea if what you’re seeing is going to be considered by a major studio or go straight to DVD/Blu-ray or cable.

When “Bloodwine” made its big screen debut at Indie Fest USA 2008 the film won an award for Best Makeup and received nominations for Best Feature, Best Effects, and Best Costumes. The indie-horror film could be the Keith’s “Clerks” (1994) or “Juno” (2007) both of which were picked up by independent studios. This may be their first venture, but I have no doubt the public will want to see what other bag of unpredictable tricks the Keiths have in store for future filmmaking projects.

I will not be surprised if years from now, perhaps sooner, if when browsing the trivia section of IMDB under “Bloodwine” if I see such comments as how their production logo is cleverly used in different ways throughout this movie and in probably several of their projects be it for the big or small screen.

All About Transformation

Like “Ironman” (2008), where the one thing the superhero film had going for it was not so much the predictable story as it was the characters, “Bloodwine” succeeds in making us care for the two leads. The underlying theme of the screenplay is about “transformation.” The underlying theme of the screenplay s about “transformation.” Meins’ Brandy goes from a concerned college nerd with glasses to a vengeful, sexy, scantily clad goddess thirsty for the red stuff. The minute she took off her glasses and let her hair down, she had an uncanny resemblance to actress Andrea Bowen who plays Terri Hatcher’s daughter on ABC’s “Desperate Housewives.” In fact, I think she is a dead ringer.

The most prominent transformation happens with Andrea, who becomes the opposite of what her rival dormmates warn Brandy about in the beginning.

“They say she curses her roommates and nobody here has lasted an entire semester with her,” one tells her. “If I were you, I’d plan on stocking up on crucifixes and holy water.”

Seeing Johnson's Andrea with the long dark hair, heavy black eye shadow, and sometimes dressed in a black trench coat, combat boots, and a belt held together by handcuffs, she proves that just because she dresses differently, doesn’t mean she is anymore different emotionally. The ending, though I have a feeling the Keiths probably didn’t plan it this way, suggests the possibility of a sequel.

I know the Keiths have other projects they want to pursue before even considering a follow-up to Andrea’s further adventures in the world of the undead. If they even give it a thought that is.

Personally, I’d welcome a sequel – Hell, even a trilogy. “Bloodwine could just be the kind of motion picture series fans would have embraced if the continuing adventures of Sarah Michelle Gellar’s “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” (1997-2003) were brought to the big screen.

Call it “Andrea the Gothic Vampire Slayer.”

©9/29/09

Despite uncalled for outburst, Republican Congressman Joe Wilson was right

Like most, if not all Americans, I found South Carolina Republican Congressman Joe Wilson's “You lie” comment during President Obama's Sept. 9 address to be rude and disrespectful. It doesn't matter whether you agree with the president or not.

I felt that way, AT FIRST, that is. I think Wilson’s comment is another reason why the Republican party is not in power right now and the Democrats control not just the presidency but all of Congress.

Then something happened less than 24 hours later after the “shout heard round the country” was said live on television.

House Republican Leader John Boehner came to Wilson’s defense on "substance" in an article on politico website while still condemning the South Carolina Republican congressman’s outburst. Boehner offered reporters proof from the Congressional Research Service (CRS) report that illegal immigrants would receive health care benefits under the Democrats’ reform bill.

The article states, “On the one hand, the report says the bill 'reiterates current law that unauthorized aliens are not eligible for full-benefit Medicaid coverage'.” The article, however, quoted from the CRS report saying also that some undocumented immigrants “would be eligible for emergency Medicaid” and that some families of illegal immigrants would qualify for subsidies if other members of the household are eligible for those benefits.

So, Wilson was right on “substance” that is, even if his outburst was condemned by congressional members of both parties. It’s one thing if the guy was dead wrong but he wasn’t. Wilson, who told Fox News Sept. 13, that he was not going to apologize again for his inappropriate comment, was speaking what some Americans wished they could say is wrong with President Obama’s health care plan.

“The American people are fed up with the political games in Washington, and I refuse to participate in an effort to divert our attention away from the task at hand of reforming health insurance and creating new jobs,” Wilson said.

The backlash Wilson is getting demonstrates yet another example of how, when a Republican says something against a Democrat, the liberal drive-by media go out for blood but when a Democrat steps out of line, the media says nothing. Things would be so much better if people would quit resorting to the good old double standard.



II didn’t hear anyone disapprove in 2005 when President Bush was booed by Democrats when he spoke before Congress about how Social Security would be bankrupt by 2042 unless steps were taken to prevent it.

Where was the protocol then?

I had to laugh when ABC news anchor Charles Gibson and commentator George Stephanopoulos had never heard such a comment come from the House floor during a president’s address until Wilson uttered those fateful two words.

Take a journey with me now down memory lane back to Feb. 2, 2005, after “Dubya’s” State of the Union address in which he said social security will be exhausted and bankrupt, according to quotes from mediamatters.org.

ABC host Ted Koppel said:

“When the president talked about the bankruptcy of Social Security, there were clearly some Democrats on the floor who thought that that was taking it too far. And they did something that, apparently, no one at this table has ever heard before. They booed.”

CBS White House correspondent John Roberts said:

“At a couple points in this address, it looked more like the British Parliament than the United States Congress. I've never heard the minority party shout at the president during the State-of-the-Union address.”

Former President Bush was merely speaking the truth back then on the issue of Social Security and the truth was something the Democrats didn’t want to hear. Social Security, which is a joke, is the Democratic Party’s baby.

So, too, is this health care bill.

Wilson spoke the truth and because of it, he is taking heat and could even lose his seat next year to Democratic opponent, Rob Miller, as a result in the 2010 congressional elections. I wouldn’t be surprised if some are saying Wilson is racist, which he is not, because he spoke out against a president who happens to be African American.

Up until now, I had absolutely no respect and no faith in Congress. Their approval ratings are worse than the president’s.

In a September 2009 article from Reuters, one in five Americans (21%) give Democrats in Congress positive ratings while 47% give them negative ones and one-third (32%) say they are not familiar enough to have an opinion.

The same goes for Republicans, according to Reuters.

Even lower numbers (12%) give Republicans in Congress positive ratings and over half (52%) give them negative ones while 37% are not familiar with them.

The American people put these men and women in office to work for us. They are our voice. On Sept. 9, 2009, one person in Congress was working for us, and that was Joe Wilson.

So, while the rest of you utter that infamous phrase said by a young kid to baseball player “Shoeless” Joe Jackson after he was banned from the game for his participation in the Black Sox Scandal during the 1919 World Series, “Say it ain’t so, Joe,” I have three words for Republican Congressman Joe Wilson.

“You go, Joe!”

He’s got my vote in 2010, and I don’t live in South Carolina.

©9/17/09

No to government run health care!

If I ever had a great reason to NOT support President Obama's health care reform plan, it is that I don't want our government dictating my, or anyone else's, medical lifestyle.

When are people going to get it that having too much government control doesn't work?

Haven't you been to the post office to see how poorly things are run there and how unhappy those overworked postal employees are? Have you ever met a happy postal service worker?

Where in the Declaration of Independence does it state that government is required to give health care to everyone or anyone?

The more I hear how people want a government-run health care system, the more I want to say those same words Han Solo said in “Star Wars” (1977) as the Millennium Falcon was being pulled in by the Empire's Death Star, which I might as well call President Obama and the Democratic Party.

"They're not going to get me without a fight," Solo says.

The Republicans and conservatives who are against the president's health plan might as well be like Jedi Master Ben Kenobi who says to Solo, "You can't win. But there are alternatives to fighting."

And fighting, angry Americans are equally upset, as seen by what's been going on at various town hall meetings across the country the past two months with shouts of "You work for us," "Tyranny! Tyranny! Tyranny!" and "Read the Bill!" against Democratic representatives.

I won't deny that the healthcare system needs some changes, whether you agree with the proposal.

One alternative that might keep health care costs from skyrocketing is for people to stop eating like pigs, change their diets and go out and exercise for a change. Sooner or later, the medical profession is going to have to call "obesity" a disease, given how fat people in this country are getting. This is a billion-dollar business for pharmaceutical companies whose job is to create medications to treat symptoms, most of which would go away if people would change their eating habits

Former Governor Mike Huckabee, when asked about the health care system at the 2007 GOP primary debate in Orlando, Florida, said the nation doesn't have a health care crisis.

"We have a health crisis," Huckabee said. "Eighty percent of the $2 trillion we spend on health care in this country is spent on chronic disease. If we don't change the health of this nation by focusing on prevention, we're never going to catch up with the costs no matter what plan we have."

Letting people decide for themselves who and how they want their health care is something Huckabee said he is for.

"The reality is it's a health crisis, and I would further say that one of the challenges we face is that a lot of the Democrats want to turn it over to the government, while the Republicans want to turn it over completely to the private insurance companies," Huckabee said. "I think the better idea is to turn it over to each individual consumer and let him or her make that choice. I trust me a lot more than I trust government, or a lot more than I trust the insurance companies."

After President Obama's Sept. 9 speech to Congress, U.S. Rep. Charles Boustany of Louisiana, a doctor, said in his response for the Republican Party that replacing the family's current health care system with government-run health care is not the answer.

"In fact, it will make health care much more expensive," Boustany said. "That's not just my personal diagnosis as a doctor or a Republican."

Boustany outlined four areas that both parties can agree on.

"One, all individuals should have access to coverage regardless of pre-existing conditions."

"Two, individuals, small businesses and other groups should be able to join together to get health insurance at lower prices, the same way large businesses and labor unions do."

"Three, we can provide assistance to those who still cannot access a doctor." "And four, insurers should be able to offer incentives for wellness care and prevention."

Boustany said the possibility should exist to allow families and businesses to buy insurance across state lines.

"I and many other Republicans believe that that will provide real choice and competition to lower the cost of health insurance" he said. "Unfortunately, the president disagrees."

I can only think of two words when it comes to the idea that this country could have a socialized health care system like Canada, France, or anywhere else where it's been clearly documented that government-run health care doesn't work.

They are the words uttered by Marlon Brando's Col. Kurtz near the end of the Vietnam War epic, “Apocalypse Now” (1979): "The horror, the horror."

Anyone who thinks we can rely on the government for America's health care system should take a look at the post office, something President Obama recently said, "is always having problems."

"People say, well, how can a private company compete against the government? If you think about it, UPS and FedEx are doing just fine. Right? No, they are. It's the Post Office that's always having problems."

As Huckabee said in his "Closing Remarks" on his Aug. 17 radio program, "Doesn't that seem like a good reason to NOT let government take over health care?"

©9/16/09

Appreciation: "Mad" Max (1997-2009)

When it comes to man's best friend, I have always held the belief that dogs are the equivalent of human beings. I held this belief long before my dog, "Mad" Max, a 12-year-old Lhasa Apso, got sick with heart disease last October.

Some, if not most, parents probably love it when, after a hard day at work, they see their kids' greeting them at the door.

For me, I'd rather have a little dog like Max, or Mickey, the new brown-and-white Yorkie puppy I got back in June, waiting for me to walk through the front door after a lousy day at work.

The new Yorkie I got has the body of a little pig with a little tail and a face that reminds me of the gopher from the comedy, “Caddyshack” (1980). Not an hour goes by that I don't yell at him for his antics.

Since June, Mickey has chased down roaches, ripped apart family pictures, chewed up wooden bed posts and squeezed his fat little pig body out from the locked backyard gate. He is going to need a microchip installed so an APB can be put out on him if he ever gets lost.

Sitting in the lobby at the vet's office last October waiting for the vet to see Max, I saw an owner looking at some literature on "Pugs," which would make sense since he had a Pug by his side.

"This says Pugs are supposed to be 14 to 18 pounds," I heard him say to his dog. "Why are you five pounds overweight," he asked.

The Pug didn't answer. It just sat there staring at me the way that dog on NBC's “Frazier” used to stare at Kelsey Grammer's Dr. Crane.

Talk about the lengths one goes to keep an ailing pet healthy.

When Max started incessantly coughing up some liquid white phlegm that October night, I knew exactly what the disease was. I had two other dogs who lived to be 12 years old, and both exhibited the same symptoms.

Like any child, or adult for that matter, who hates going to doctors, Max acted the same way. He sat there in the back seat quietly, not once coughing uncontrollably. It was obviously his way of telling me, "I'm all better now, see?"

As Max and I sat there at the emergency animal clinic at 1 a.m. alone waiting for someone to check him out, I started to wonder if maybe I could have gotten quicker service taking him to the emergency room at Parkland.

Vet hospitals act like they do in at a normal hospital. You sit there waiting to be seen by a doctor while the nurse prepares the paperwork, checking to see if you have doggie insurance. I don't. Then they asked me to sign the papers, giving the doctor authorization to check him out and I shell out $300 for x-rays and medication.

The results were exactly what I figured. Max had heart disease and suffered an enlarged heart that was blocking his airways, causing fluid to get backed up into his lungs, causing breathing difficulties.

From late October to mid-April, I had to give him heart medication every 12 hours in hopes the symptoms would go away. In December, I decided to have his teeth cleaned, as the vet suggested that his rotting teeth were contributing to his heart disease. Max had seven bad teeth pulled that day. I spent close to $1,000, if not more, on pet medications.

I barely had the key in the door in the early morning hours of April 16 when I heard Max at the door again, coughing uncontrollably. I tried giving him his heart pills but to no avail. He just spit them right out.

Like a human in the final stages of disease who has decided it's time to give up the fight, this was Max's way of telling me, "Look. It's time to cut our losses. You've been giving me crappy medication four months and I'm not getting better. It's time to go."

For a dog who for 12 years always put up a fight every time I picked him up, because he knew when that happened, it meant he was either getting a bath or going to the vet, Max did not put up a fight that last day when I took him to the vet, where the doctor said nothing more could be done. It was now up to me to put him down.

He was euthanized that morning. I didn't stick around for the final shot. I only stayed with him as the first sleep shot was given. Max was asleep within five minutes. He looked at me one final time and then went off on the table to make himself comfortable.

Minutes later, when one of the nurses came in to take Max away for the final injection, she told me he would soon be at a place called "Rainbow Bridge."

I never heard of that place.

A few days after Max passed away, I got a memorial card from the vet's office explaining such a place with a picture on the front not of just dogs and cats, but squirrels, foxes, rabbits and virtually anything furry.

Inside was a poem called "Rainbow Bridge" by an anonymous author.

It said, "There is a bridge connecting Heaven and Earth. It is called the Rainbow Bridge because of its many colors. Just this side of the Rainbow Bridge, there is a land of meadows, hills and valleys with lush green grass. When a beloved pet dies, the pet goes to this place. There is always food and water, and warm Spring weather. Those old and frail animals are young again. Those who have been maimed are made whole again. They play all day with each other."

"But there is one thing missing. They are not with their special person who loved them on earth. So, each day they run and play until the day comes when one suddenly stops playing and looks up. The nose twitches, the ears are up, the eyes are staring, and this one suddenly runs from the group. You have been seen, and when you and your special friend meet, you take him or her in your arms and embrace. Your face is kissed again and again, and you once more look in the eyes of your trusting pet. Then you cross the Rainbow Bridge together, never again to be separated."

I don't know if when I leave this mortal coil if the Almighty will let me through the Pearly Gates, considering the life I've led, but if I do, I guess I can take comfort that in addition to seeing loved ones who've gone before me, I'll be greeted by a number of furry little ones I owned throughout my lifetime.

Who says, "All dogs don't go to Heaven?"

©9/15/09