400 plus cable stations and NOTHING to watch

“Joe, step away from the TV.”

That was a comment Heather Pritchett, a friend of mine and co-worker, posted on Facebook back in December after reading a few comments I posted on her page referencing various television shows.

Although I am 110 percent certain she was joking, I admit I was a little offended at first as she made it sound as though all I do on my off time is watch television when in fact, that’s far from it. To be precise, ever since I got hooked up with AT&T U-verse back in 2007 my attitude has been I got 400 plus cable stations here (I don’t have the movie stations) and I can find NOTHING to watch!

If there is any reason why I do know about what’s been aired on recently and know, for example, that Steve Carell left "The Office", and Katie Couric, Mary Hart, Regis Philbin, Meredith Vieira and Oprah Winfrey are retiring from their day jobs, if they haven’t already, is because I do keep up with the entertainment trade magazines and what is reported on the Internet. Ninety percent of the time when I do have the television on, it’s to have something on in the background to listen to while I am doing something else and that includes the news.

Truth be damned, I sit on my ass enough as it is between working in front of the computer and blogging and going to see movies that the last thing I truly want to do when I get home is watch television.

Looking at the list of 31 TV shows that ABC, NBC, FOX, CBS and THE CW canceled this season, I find there were only two series I found marginally worthy of my time this year if I had been home on the nights they aired (or knew how to use the DVR (digital video recorder) which I haven’t bothered to learn yet). Those two shows were "Law & Order: Los Angeles" which actually got better with the recent reboot with the killing off of Skeet Ulrich's character though I still didn’t like the depressing “ripped from the headlines” episodes and the science fiction remake, "V," which lasted one season longer than its NBC predecessor (1984-1985). I suppose I should thank ABC for giving "V" a chance, but I am still ticked off at what they did to "Battlestar Galactica" (1978-79). Now that "Law & Order: Los Angeles" and "V" are gone, I can't say I am going to miss them.

In fact, I am not the least bit sorry I haven’t kept up with a majority of what today’s viewing audience watches. I work Sundays so I have no idea the dirty laundry the women of Wisteria Lane on "Desperate Housewives" have been up to for a few seasons now. I can’t remember what the last episode of "The Simpsons" I saw. I don’t know why viewers love "Modern Family" nor am I interested in finding out.

I am not sorry I missed the several train wrecks on Dancing with the Stars seeing various celebrities prove to audiences they got rhythm. Though I did catch five minutes of reality star Kate Gosselin dancing last season and agreed that she can’t dance and this is coming from someone who also has no rhythm either.

Nor am I upset to have missed Simon Cowell belittle more than hundreds of contestants on "American Idol." I’ll watch Gordon Ramsay lose his temper with want-to-be chefs on "Hell’s Kitchen" or for that matter, view brief clips on YouTube of Paul Teutel Sr. argue with his son, Paul Jr. about his son's chronic tardiness on "American Chopper" if I need to be entertained.

I am literally bored to death (no pun intended) of all the Law & Order, CSI, NCIS spin-offs and forensics shows like "Bones."

I am interested in seeing AMC’s "The Walking Dead" one of these days but not now. That’s what DVD season box sets are for.

As I read through the list of new shows for the Fall 2011-2012 season, I can’t say I am terribly excited about any of the major network’s offerings either. NBC dropped "Wonder Woman" and the other two shows I have a vague interest in watching like "Pan Am," a drama about female flight attendants set during the airline's early days and "The Playboy Club," about the women bunnies in their skimpy outfits back in the 1960s will be nothing more than male eye candy.

The truth is television today has changed. There is no such thing anymore as “Must See TV” on Thursdays-like back in the mid-1980s when shows like "The Cosby Show" (1984-1992), "Cheers" (1982-1993) and "Night Court" (1984-1992) were on. There are no worthy dramas out there like "Hill Street Blues" (1981-1987), "St. Elsewhere" (1982-1988) or "Dallas" (1978-1991). Most everything in terms of award-winning dramas (and I can’t really say any of them are “award winning”) has gone to the cable networks, if for no other reason are that they are cheaper for the studios because they don’t always have to churn out a full season of 20 plus episodes.

Soap operas are now an endangered species with the cancellations of "All My Children" and "One Life to Live" this January.

"We are taking this bold step to expand our business because viewers are looking for different types of programming these days,” said Brian Frons, ABC’s daytime department president in a 4/14/11 column on the Huffington post website. "They are telling us there is room for informative, authentic and fun shows that are relatable, offer a wide variety of opinions and focus on 'real life' takeaways."

Television to me has gotten to the point where the best thing to do now is to just turn it off. To quote another scene from a classic TV series which would no doubt get Heather to again tell me to “Step away from the TV,” I refer to an episode of "The Cosby Show" where Rudy (Keshia Knight Pulliam) can’t find anything to do. Cliff (Bill Cosby) tells her he has over a million dollars' worth of books sitting in her room she could read.

I got quite a few books and magazines all sitting in storage that I hope to get to one of these days. I have often considered just turning “The Boob Tube” off and do just that. There lies the problem. I like to read where I know I won’t have any distractions. I don’t have that luxury right now.

Sitting in bed at night trying to read George W. Bush’s "Decision Points," I find it hard to not be drawn to picking up that remote on my nightstand. Like everything else, looking to see what’s on television is like an addiction. No matter how much I complain about how there’s nothing worthy of my time on, I just can’t bring myself to leave that damn remote alone.

Excuse me now while I go look for something to watch.

©5/20/11

“Summer Movie Season” sounds more like “Summer Movie Franchises” these days

Early on in "Thor" (2011), Odin (Anthony Hopkins) strips his egotistic warrior son of his superhero powers and casts him from the kingdom of Asgard, located where I can safely assume is in “a galaxy far, far away”, to Earth to live as a mortal.

I could just as easily apply that scene to what studios do now with these comic book movies. By comparison, the studios are the Gods who cast these long-awaited big budget adaptations from their back lots in hopes of making millions the first few weeks before slowly dropping off the top ten. The audiences are the earthlings who shell out their hard-earned money in hopes of being entertained.

Now I understand why when I come across an entertainment article that lists the top summer movies a film critic is most excited about seeing that chances are he or she is not going to be listing movies like Thor or "Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides" (2011) on their must-see list. The reason is obvious. These movies are not summer movies. They are franchise movies, or to put more simply “Franchises.”

Director George Lucas created both a good and bad thing when he made a little science fiction movie with a $13 million dollar budget called "Star Wars" in 1977. "Star Wars" changed the way movies are now marketed so much so that I am beginning to wonder if filmmakers today are not as much concerned about churning out a good movie worthy of my time with a great story and memorable characters as they are in mass marketing it as a toy product.

As I sat through approximately 17 minutes of previews before the 11 a.m. showing of "Thor" began (it was 11:17 when the film started looking at my iPhone), I took note of the handful of trailers that were shown. I wasn't surprised to find again that these were easily marketed to the young comic book audiences. They included "Captain America: The First Avenger," "Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides," "Transformers: Dark of the Moon" and "X-Men: First Class" - all of which are 2011 sequels and the first of what is hoped to be a string of a big-budget follow-ups. Most of these films have toy products either already in stores now or are coming soon to be unveiled at toy fair conventions.

Of course it goes without saying. If a comedy were shown, comedy trailers would play before it. The same goes for horror movies and independent films.

Fine. Call me a party pooper or for that matter, "a critic" before sending me to the depths of Hell for peeing in your Cheerios ruining your fun but there was a time when the summer movie season began, I actually got excited about the upcoming films. I saw a few of them as "event movies" like "Batman" (1989). The ones released today don't feel like event movies.

Then again, perhaps I should just accept that these comic book movies were not made for older people like me anyway. Many debate that George Lucas' focus was not gearing the Star Wars prequels (1999-2005) to the older audiences who fell in love with the original trilogy (1977-1983). He was more concerned with appealing the prequels to the younger generation, or "younglings" as they are called in the Star Wars universe.

The same could well apply to "Thor," "Captain America: The First Avenger", "Cowboys & Aliens," "Green Lantern" and "X-Men: First Class." They are for eager die-hard fans of the comic books who hope the filmmakers will be faithful to the material. Then they can debate with other fellow fans at comic bookstores about what they did and didn't like about the adaptations while marveling at the character tie-ins to other superhero movies.

Take, for example, the scene in "Thor" when a government agent asks if the giant robotic knight or whatever it was, which reminded of that alien robot, Gort, in "The Day the Earth Stood Still" (2008) that lands on Earth if the thing is one of Stark's technological warfare creations, I just know comic book fans immediately knew the comment was in reference to Tony Stark, the superhero character Robert Downey, Jr. played in "Iron Man" (2008). I wasn't so quick in remembering. Although I do know that any film now based on a Marvel comic book will always feature a cameo from publisher Stan Lee for as long as he is around, I forgot to stick around for the end credits to see another familiar character from the Iron Man movies make a cameo appearance. I didn't know about this until I read the memorable quotes for Thor found on imdb.com.



On a positive note, yes, I did enjoy "Thor". I, again, put it in the same category of other comic book franchise movies I enjoyed that include the Iron Man, Spider-man and X-Men installments. Will I watch "Thor" again when it's out on Blu-ray before December or video-on-demand? I will probably see it one more time. The film is not, however, going to be enough for me to have playing while I am doing something else just to have something to listen to in later years. "Thor," like so many other superhero movies before it just doesn't have the epic feel I got watching "Superman: The Movie" (1978) or maybe "Batman Begins" (2005). I am still waiting for a comic book movie adaptation to come along with that kind of epic feeling to it. Director Zack Snyder almost succeeded with "Watchmen" (2009). Snyder's only sin with that film is he may have been too faithful to the graphic novel.

I suppose if there is any consolation in being subjected to all these "franchise" movies on a yearly basis now it is that studio Gods will not tolerate a big budget, mass marketed financial failure. To them, who cares what the critics think. We critics don't much matter anymore, if at all. As long as audiences walk out satisfied, they got their money's worth that's all that matters. When it comes to giving thumbs up or thumbs down to a movie, the audiences have as much power to dictate a film's success as we do in deciding who to vote for president. Like Odin in Thor casting his son into exile, we earthlings have as much power to send a superhero back to the drawing board if the film fails to deliver the goods.

Hell, hath no fury like a Hollywood studio scorned if the first installment in what is hoped to be a lucrative franchise fails to bring in millions to warrant a sequel. As the saying goes though, "If at first you don't succeed, try, try again," the same could apply if a superhero film adaptation fails. At that point, the film is no longer called a "franchise." They call them "reboots."

©5/9/11

Now we can all ask, “Where were you when you heard the news of Osama bin Laden’s death?

I was at work Sunday night when a friend of mine and co-worker, Jonathan Green, called me on the faculty helpdesk line to say Osama bin Laden has been killed.

I did not officially believe it until I saw the special report on abcnews.com shortly before 10 p.m.

Upon hearing that news the first thing I did, given my knack for quoting from movies, television shows and commercials, I searched for a quote from an episode from the classic "Battlestar Galactica" (1978-1979) television series called "War of the Gods" on the Internet.

Near the end of part I, Commander Adama (Lorne Greene) receives a communication from Count Baltar (John Colicos), the former trusted representative of the Council of Twelve and the man responsible for the destruction of practically the entire human race by the Cylon Empire that he is surrendering.

"Word is spreading like sunbursts through every corner of the fleet," Adama says. "It's a jubilation unprecedented as Baltar is brought before the Council of Twelve. It is just as Count Iblis promised. Our enemy has been delivered."

Indeed, here on Earth and in America at Ground Zero and at the White House word did spread "like sunbursts" as crowds of every race and creed turned out in droves once President Obama announced to both the country and the world that “Justice has been done.”

The man responsible for the deaths of close to 3,000 innocent souls on Sept. 11, 2001, and countless others for the past two decades, the thorn in America's side, the stone in every American's shoe, public enemy number one has been killed in a shootout by U.S. forces in a mansion in Abbottabad, 30 miles north of the Pakistani capital of Islamabad.

The chants of "U.S.A." and "Na na na na, na na na na, hey hey hey goodbye" were heard outside the White House and Ground Zero.

"Ding dong, Bin Laden’s dead, Bin Laden’s dead…ding dong, the wicked Osama is dead!” wrote one of my friends on Facebook.

“I’ll bet it was Chuck Norris that pulled the trigger,” wrote another.

When I logged onto Facebook upon getting home from work, I saw a page was already set up called “Osama Bin Laden Being Dead” and to click “like.” As of this writing, 30,472 have clicked “like” on that page.

To this day I cannot remember what the world was like on Sept. 10, 2001. We all know the world changed forever on Sept. 11 and I have always had the negative feeling in the back of my mind that it was not ever going to be for the better.

Every year around the end of August since 9/11, an immense sense of sadness always overcomes me through the end of September. There is no doubt it’s because of all the repeated documentaries aired about that fateful day as the anniversary draws closer that I can’t seem to escape from. It doesn’t matter if I have the television off. If I go to the Internet, no matter what homepage I go to there is always some clip about 9/11 mentioned.

Today on May 2, 2011, nearly ten years after those devastating attacks at the World Trade Center and the Pentagon before the brave souls aboard United 93 thwarted terrorists from taking more lives, the world and the country now suddenly seems a much better place. To quote what former President George W. Bush said at a press conference on April 13, 2004, the "world is better off without Saddam Hussein," the world today is now much better off without Osama bin Laden!

Up until Sunday night, I, like a number of skeptical Americans had come to accept the belief that the Al-Qaeda leader would never be caught. The most I could ever hope for was that he was dead already. Now it is official. No doubt in the days to come we will see pictures of bin Laden’s body to convince the country that he is indeed gone the way pictures of Jordanian militant Islamist Abu Musab al-Zarqawi’s corpse were released to the public after he was killed by coalition forces in Iraq in June 2006.

Normally I would wait a few days, perhaps even a week before writing a column about something this big.

Tonight, however, I felt like chronicling the moment and how every American feels right now. I know that in the hours, days, and weeks to come we will hear what implications Bin Laden’s death will have for the United States, our armed forces abroad and in other countries.

As the 10th anniversary of Sept. 11 gets nearer it is comforting to know that a sad chapter in America’s past is now closed. It’s almost as if a heavy weight has been lifted off our country’s shoulders now.

That does NOT in any way mean the war on terror is over. We must never, ever forget the close to 3,000 who were lost that September morning and the military servicemen and women who have paid the ultimate sacrifice abroad since and who continue to put their lives on the line for our country every day in the name of freedom. Nor should we allow this victory as a reason to let our guard down. America must continue to remain vigilant.

"For over two decades, bin Laden has been Al-Qaeda's leader and symbol and has continued to plot attacks against our country and our friends and allies," President Obama said Sunday night. "The death of bin Laden marks the most significant achievement to date in our nation's effort to defeat Al-Qaeda. Yet his death does mark the end of our effort. There's no doubt that Al-Qaeda will continue to pursue attacks against us. We must --- and we will -- remain vigilant at home and abroad."

God bless our nation’s armed forces here and abroad and God bless the United States of America!

©5/2/11