2011's Biggest Winners...in my opinion that is

If I am going to write a column profiling ten of the biggest losers of 2011 then I guess, to be fair, I need to cough up a column profiling who I thought were the year’s ten biggest winners, in a few cases “heroes.” The following is who made my personal list thus proving that perhaps the year was not a total loss.

1) The United States of America: If you have no idea why on the night of May 1 going into the early morning hours of May 2, 2011 crowds formed outside the White House in Washington and at Ground Zero in celebration then you either have no idea what happened more than 10 years ago on Sept. 11, 2001 and who was responsible, you are not a true American, you either don’t have Internet access or a television or are too poor to own one or you simply don’t care. On May 1, Osama bin Laden, the stone in America’s shoe for almost ten years, if not longer than that, was finally removed when “Public Enemy Number 1” was killed in a shootout by U.S. forces at the Al-Qaeda leader’s mansion in Abbottabad, Pakistan. Bin Laden’s end, however, does not in any way mean the war on terror is over. We must never, ever forget the close to 3,000 who were lost that September morning and the military servicemen and women who have paid the ultimate sacrifice abroad since and who continue to put their lives on the line for our country every day in the name of freedom. Nor should we allow this victory as a reason to let our guard down. We must continue to remain vigilant.



2) Seal Team 6: Osama bin Laden’s demise would not have been possible were it not for the elite special forces group sent in who are unofficially known as “Seal Team 6.” So why did the team, whose members are unidentified, make the choice to kill the Al-Qaeda leader asked writer Nick Carbone in a May 23, 2011 10 Questions interview in Time with former Navy Seal Howard Wasdin who wrote the book, SEAL Team Six: Memoirs of an Elite Navy SEAL Sniper. “The guys in the room made that decision,” Wasdin said. “If you want to be in a position to make those types of decisions, go join the team. Otherwise, just say thank you.”



3) The 53 Percent: According to Sir Isaac Newton’s Third Law of Motion, “For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.” There are a lot of reasons why “The 53%” came into being as a result of The Occupy Movement protesters. I don’t know if those proud members will agree that the reason they were created has anything to do with physics. At least this group, however, HAS a purpose. The line on the top left-hand side of their website at the53.tumblr.com says it all. “Those of us who pay for those of you who whine about all of that…or that…or whatever.”

The site features pictures of various individuals proudly displaying their personal manifestos, many of them hand written, some typed, but all display practically the same similar story of the rough times they are either going through right now or were at one point in their life. “I am the middle class. I don’t hate those who have more money than me. I want to learn from their success! I pay my taxes. I am the 53%,” wrote one. “Stop playing the victim and do something,” wrote another. To quote one woman on the site, “Life is tough. Get a helmet. I am the 53%.” The fact these people and countless others, myself included are out working and not complaining about the bad hand life has dealt them makes us members of the 53% true winners.

4) "Battle: Los Angeles": My goal was ‘I want to make a war movie with aliens’. Not an alien movie that happens to have soldiers…there’s an ‘incidental-ness’ to the aliens,” said director Jonathan Liebesman of his alien invasion film, Battle Los Angeles in an interview on www.darkhorizons.com. “At the same time, what that allows me to do is not get into political reasons for ‘Why are we fighting this war? Is this a good war, or is this a bad war?’ I just want to watch…you know, guys who put their lives on the line, how they bond, what they do for us. That kind of stuff. That’s what I was interested in.”

Liebesman’s sci-fi film about United States Marines responding to an alien invasion in Los Angeles may not have received rave reviews but it certainly wasn’t bad enough to earn any Razzies either. On a $70 million budget according to imdb.com, "Battle: Los Angeles" took in $83 million at the box office, which hardly clarifies it as a big budget flop. In a time where “Hollyweird” has been more preoccupied with inundating audiences with negative Iraq war/war on terror themed movies the past 10 years, Battle Los Angeles, for all its silliness, jerky camera movements and lack of character depth, was a refreshingly welcome change that offered two things: American patriotism and respect for our nation’s military. That is something sorely lacking in a lot of today’s liberal America bashing movies. John Wayne would have been proud.

5) Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords: “I will get stronger. I will return.” Such were the words Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords wrote in the last chapter of her book, Gabby: A Story of Courage and Hope authored by her and husband, astronaut Mark Kelly, on her plans to one day return to Congress. There is no arguing that Giffords has come a long way in her rehabilitation this year after surviving a near fatal gun shot to the brain during a meet-and-greet Jan. 8 by a deranged assassin. Although she still has a long road ahead of her, it is the little accomplishments Giffords has made that make her continuing recovery remarkable taking brief walks now, for example, to the mailbox with husband, Mark, and speaking in one word sentences, thanks to music during speech therapy, that clearly explain her thoughts. “Pretty good,” Giffords told ABC news anchor Diane Sawyer in a Nov. 14 interview on 20/20 when asked how she feels.

“She (Gabrielle) doesn’t give up,” Kelly said in an 11/14/11 article on abcnews.com. “If that’s what she wants (returning to Congress again), that’s what I want for her. You know, I think she has the right to a chance to recover. She was elected by a lot of people who voted for her in Arizona. When she knows she’s ready, she’ll make the decision.”

6) Tim Tebow: The Denver Broncos quarterback is not so much known for his plays on the field as he is known for his “Tebowing” where he gets down on one knee to pray before a football game. Now everyone seems to be doing the Tebow or criticizing it. OK. Not everyone. You won’t ever see me "Tebowing” in public before getting in my car, before going to work or before writing such columns as this.



7) FX’s "American Horror Story": The Black Dahlia, Rubber Man, a serial killer in a pig mask, ghost sex, kinky sex, family dysfunction, Columbine style school shootings, illegally paid abortions, devil babies, cannibalism, infidelity, miscarriages, high school bullying, suicides, baby kidnappings, The Vatican. Such are the ingredients found in FX’s psychologically twisted, often disturbing supernatural TV series about a married couple (Dylan McDermott and Connie Britton) who, along with their daughter (Taissa Farmiga) move into a Los Angeles home only to discover the place is anything but sweet. The show’s often times unsettling subject matter and clever plot twists inspired by countless horror movies and real life tragedies are the reason why the R rated cable drama has become an unexpected hit with viewers. FX has already renewed the series for a second season. Viewers seem to enjoy visiting this new house on a weekly basis provided they don’t tire of having their leashes being jerked around asking themselves “Huh?” every time each episode goes off in another direction.

8) ABC’s "Once Upon a Time" and "Revenge": What did the creators behind the modern-day fairy tale "Once Upon a Time" and "Revenge" about a young woman (Emily VanCamp) plotting her wrath against the rich and powerful who ruined her family when she was a young girl get right that ABC ordered up an entire first season of both shows?

In the case of "Once Upon a Time", it might be the cleverness of putting fairy tale characters in today’s world where Snow White (Ginnifer Goodwin) is a schoolteacher, her daughter Emma (Jennifer Morrison) is a bounty hunter, Jiminy Cricket is a therapist and the Evil Queen (Lana Parrilla) is the mayor of Storybrooke, Maine.

As for "Revenge", which is a modern-day take of "The Count of Monte Cristo", where the woman this time is the hero, excuse me, “heroine” plotting against anyone she knows living in the Hamptons, perhaps it’s because right now no one has any love for the wealthy, if you ask The Occupy Movement that is.

“We are dealing at a particular time right now in American history where I think the average American is going to want to see the takedown of the rich,” said Revenge co-star Madeline Stowe in a 12/2/11 article on cnn.com.

Then again, it could also be with "Desperate Housewives" ending this May, viewers need another female driven show to turn to that boasts the famous quote, “I am woman, hear me roar!”

9) Boo: The World’s Cutest Dog: I am sure there a lot of cute dogs out there. What makes this five-year old Pomeranian with a smile and a funny looking haircut so special that he has his own Facebook page of close to 2,600,000 followers and counting and a book called "Boo: The Life of the World’s Cutest Dog"? I just know if I had a dog like Boo, he’d be the ultimate babe magnet for picking up women. Of course the women would only be interested in the dog and leave me out of the picture.

10) The Texas Rangers: No they did not win the World Series again this year but to me, that doesn’t matter. They managed to get there twice in two years and that alone still makes them winners in my book. As Hall of Fame pitcher and Rangers president Nolan Ryan told www.tsn.com,“You have to move on, you can’t dwell on it. It comes under the category of history, and that’s where we are. We just have to start preparing for next year and hope that we get that opportunity again and that we can capitalize on it.” Should the Rangers make it to the World Series again next year and actually win it that will drive the point home of that American idiom, “Third time’s the charm.”

©12/16/11

2011's Biggest Losers...in my opinion that is

There were a lot of losers who made the headlines in 2011, too many to fully write about here as a matter of fact. As the year comes to a close, I look back at who I felt were ten of the year’s biggest losers who in one way or another put me in a bad mood.

1) The Occupy Movement: A lot of things can be said about The Occupy Movement and none of them good. Their protests, which had no clear message as to what they wanted to accomplish made my blood pressure and blood sugars fly off the charts. This was a movement started by a bunch of pissed off whining freeloaders who among a lot of things blamed others who are more successful and making more money than they are, blamed others for the fact they cannot find a job, and demanded that someone else pay for their college loans. Like their problems are all our fault when in fact, a lot of us ARE working and ARE struggling to meet bills like myself living from paycheck to paycheck but you don’t see me out there blaming capitalism, the government and Wall Street for my personal financial problems and educational shortcomings.

“Don’t blame Wall Street, don’t blame the big banks, if you don’t have a job and you’re not rich, blame yourself! It is not a person’s fault if they succeeded, it is a person’s fault if they failed,” said former Republican presidential hopeful Herman Cain back in October before suspending his bid for the White House Dec. 3 as a result of the sexual harassment allegations and claims he had a 13-year-affair with an Atlanta woman.

"All the Occupy movement starts with the premise that we owe them everything," said Republican presidential hopeful Newt Gingrich at a speech at Harvard according to an 11/21/11 online article on businessinsider.com. "They take over a public park they didn't pay for, to go nearby to use bathrooms they didn't pay for, to beg for food from places they don't want to pay for, to obstruct those who are going to work to pay the taxes to sustain the bathrooms and to sustain the park, so they can self-righteously explain they are the paragons of virtue to which we owe everything."

I find the one quote, however, that best summarizes The Occupy Movement is one I heard Sean Hannity say on his conservative radio talk show a few weeks ago quoting from President John F. Kennedy’s Jan. 20, 1961 inaugural address. “Ask not what your country can do for you – ask what you can do for your country.” The Occupy Movement might want to think about that.



2) Black Friday Shoppers: I am not referring to the millions who stood in lines outside Thanksgiving night waiting for stores to open at midnight Friday morning in hopes of being first in line for discounted deals. I am referring to those Black Friday Shoppers who ignored 61-year-old pharmacist Walter Vance as he suffered a heart attack and collapsed while shopping at a Target in West Virginia. Vance later died at the hospital. No one bothered to help the guy other than the six nurses shopping in the store who aided Vance performing CPR until paramedics arrived, according to his wife, Lynne, in the Sunday Gazette Mail.

This wasn’t the only incident where shoppers only gave a damn about themselves. Other incidents across the country included people being pepper sprayed while trying to get their hands on Xboxes, shoppers being robbed and shot as they walked out of stores with their purchases and people rioting to get their hands on a discounted waffle maker. You know who you are and it’s because of your callous selfishness that is the reason why you people bring out the Scrooge and the Grinch in me, or in my case, “The Joe That Stole Christmas” that begins the day after Thanksgiving until Jan. 2 when the entire holiday season to my immense pleasure is officially over. To quote Walter Vance’s co-worker, Sue Compton, who upon hearing what happened told WSAZ-TV almost exactly what I have been asking myself the past several years every time this holiday comes along. “Where is the good Samaritan side of people?” The words from that song, “It’s the most wonderful time of the year” might just be nothing more than a fairy tale.



3) Former Head Football Coach Joe Paterno, former Penn State University President Graham Spanier, Penn State wide receiver’s coach and recruiting coordinator Mike McQueary, Penn State’s senior vice president for finance and business, Gary Schultz, Penn State athletic director Tim Curley and anyone else who knew anything about former assistant football coach Jerry Sandusky’s “extracurricular activities” involving eight kids and did little or nothing to stop it much less immediately report it to authorities.

There is a line from "Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan" (1982) that best describes the despicable behavior exhibited by these key players in the Penn State scandal that immediately ended Joe Paterno’s long running coaching career. “The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few.”

To Paterno, Spanier, McQueary, Curley and Schultz “the many” was worrying about either their jobs and the reputation of their prestigious college and athletic football program because to them it was all about money and that’s what makes the college go round. Ok, McQueary did report what he saw going on in the showers between Sandusky and a young kid back in 2002. Instead of getting the kid out of there and calling the cops, however, McQueary called his daddy and then reported the incident to Paterno, who in turn reported it to his supervisors. Is it just me but when someone witnesses someone else possibly being raped, in particular a young kid, do you not immediately call the cops, if not get that kid away from the guy?

These individuals should have paid intense heed to “the few”, the eight kids, if not more who tried telling adults about Jerry Sandusky’s strange behavior and shrugged it off.

“This is a tragedy,” Paterno said. “It is one of the great sorrows of my life. With the benefit of hindsight, I wish I had done more.”

So do we “JoePa”, so do we.

4) Rebekah Brooks, former chief executive of News International: “Editing the Sun and News of the World…Gotta get a scoop, gotta fill the front page...Got a kiss n’tell, make people’s lives hell…Saying everything is in the public interest…A little phone hacking isn’t wrong…It’s just a rogue reporter…Send him off to jail while I see my friends.”

Such are the lyrics chronicling chief executive Rebekah Brooks’ downfall who resigned from News International in July as a result of the phone hacking done by staff reporters at The News of the World while she was editor back in 2002. At the heart of the scandal was the 2002 incident in which reporters retrieved voicemails of murdered 13-year-old Milly Dowler while she was still listed as missing.

The YouTube song called Rebekah Brooks “Friday” currently has over 142,000 views and is a parody of American recording artist Rebecca Black’s song of the same name.

Like the song goes, “It’s Friday, Friday, gotta resign on Friday. Everybody’s looking forward to the weekend. Friday, Friday, getting fired on Friday. Everyone’s looking forward to the weekend. Phone hacking, phone hacking, yeah! Phone hacking, phone hacking, yeah! Sun, Sun, Sun, Sun, looking forward to the weekend.”



5) Movie Remakes: "Arthur", "Conan the Barbarian", "Footloose", "Fright Night", "The Thing". All right, "Conan the Barbarian" was not a “remake” of the 1982 version with Arnold Schwarzenegger, but a reboot and The Thing was a prequel to the John Carpenter/Kurt Russell sci-fi/horror collaboration. Nevertheless, of the five films I mentioned, four flopped at the box office. Only "Footloose" managed to make a profit grossing $50 million on a $24 million budget. How I wish given the lousy track record these needless remakes and reboots at the box office where only one film was a hit with audiences that this would send “Hollyweird” studios a message to stop messing around with the classics and give me something with a small, miniscule shred of originality to justify wasting my money.

Considering the number of films already being planned for unnecessary remakes that include "The Bodyguard" (1992) "Dirty Dancing" (1987), "Point Break" (1991), "Scarface" (1983), "Starship Troopers" (1997) and "The Wild Bunch" (1969), I just don’t see it happening. As P.T. Barnum once said, “There’s a sucker born every minute” and so long as there are young audiences stupid enough to waste their hard-earned money or what little money, they have to see a redo, there will always be remakes.



6) Oscar Hosts - James Franco and Anne Hathaway: “No chemistry.” Those words are usually written to refer to how bad a film was as a result of two stars’ failure to connect with each other and with audiences. On Feb. 27, 2011, however, those words applied to hosts James Franco and Anne Hathaway of the 2011 Oscars. Although I admit Hathaway did her damnedest to liven things up, the two of them together only clarified what I said about the Oscars in a 2/23/11 column I wrote earlier this year on my blog at www.darthstumpo.com. “If there is one thing I will find of interest with this year’s Oscar telecast, it will be to see how James Franco and Anne Hathaway fare as hosts. Rest assured if the two fail miserably and ratings are down as they have been in recent years, one thing viewers will be asking themselves the next morning is what were the producers thinking when they decided to ask them to host?”



7) Kim Kardashian: Poor Kim. No one seems to care for her or the Kardashian clan. Or is it just her? Even President Obama doesn’t want his kids, Sasha and Malia, watching them.

“Barack really thinks some of the Kardashians – when they watch that stuff –he doesn’t like that much,” First Lady Michelle Obama told iVillage.

As a result of Kim’s much publicized wedding and 72-day-marriage and divorce from NBA star Kris Humphries, 41-year-old Colorado native Cyndy Snider started an online petition called “No More Kardashians” asking that the E! network take Keeping Up With the Kardashians off the air. As of right now, the total number of online signatures at www.gopetition.com stands at over 170,000.

“We feel that these shows are mostly staged and place an emphasis on vanity, greed, promiscuity, vulgarity and over-the-top conspicuous consumption," Snider said in an AOLTV.com article. "While some may have begun watching the spectacle as mindless entertainment or as a sort of 'reality satire,' it is a sad truth that many young people are looking up to this family and are modeling their appearance and behavior after them."

I, for one, have no idea what she or her family contributes in terms of celebrity status and am damn proud I haven’t sat through just a few seconds of any episode. I don’t even know when the show is on, which up until now as I write this column had no idea what the show was called.

The best moment of entertainment coverage I saw about Kim Kardashian’s over publicized (and to think I actually got sick of hearing about the upcoming nuptials of Prince William and Kate Middleton in April) wedding was a YouTube clip called “Kid hijacks Kardashian news report” showing a young bystander making faces in the background on camera without CNN reporter Kareen Wynter knowing it until probably later. That one-minute clip proved just how much of a joke the Kardashian wedding really was and prompted one viewer to leave a comment on YouTube saying, “Wow this was the most intelligent segment I’ve seen on CNN in years.”



8) Lindsay Lohan: See Lindsay get sent back to jail for 30 days for violating her probation Nov. 2. See Lindsay check in at the Los Angeles County jail Nov. 6 only to be released four hours later due to jail overcrowding. See Lindsay arrive 20 minutes late for court ordered community service at the county morgue. This month, see Lindsay pose nude Marilyn Monroe style in Playboy magazine for which she was reportedly paid $1 million.

The things people will do for money when they can’t find good work. Or should I say the things founder Hugh Hefner will do to help boost sales of his troubled publication, which has been in decline financially since the advent of free Internet porn. I have no interest in picking up the January/February issue to find out if the $1 million Lohan got was worth it. I lost interest in Playboy magazine years ago. The bottom line is I now consider Hefner’s once classy adult publication trash and I predict that’s exactly what the Lindsay Lohan issue will be.



9) Devoted Viewers of "All My Children" and "One Life to Live": So much in hoping that the continuing adventures of...all right…I have no idea who any of the characters are on "All My Children" (1970-2011) and "One Life to Live" (1968-2011) as I never watched them. The only character I know by name is “Erica Kane” thanks to star Susan Lucci who received 21 Daytime Emmy Award nominations in all and finally winning in 1999 on her 19th time. Devoted fans hopes’ that the soap operas following their cancellations by ABC (the finale episode of "One Life to Live" will air in Jan. 2012) would continue online came to an end with the announcement by Internet distributor Prospect Park that the shows are officially dead.

"We believed the timing was right to launch an Online TV Network anchored by these two iconic soap operas," the company said in a statement in an 11/23/11 article at www.huffingtonpost.com, "but we always knew it would be an uphill battle to create something historical, and unfortunately we couldn't ultimately secure the backing and clear all the hurdles in time. We believe we exhausted all reasonable options apparent to us, but despite enormous personal, as well as financial cost to ourselves, we failed to find a solution."

So much for finding out who got shot in that final episode of "All My Children" that aired in September. Hey, I didn’t watch the show! I found out about what happened in the last episode reading articles on the Internet.



10) NBC: I can come up with plenty of reasons why NBC rounded out the top ten biggest losers of 2011 (stop trying to prove to me that Thursday’s comedy shows like "The Office" (2005) and "Parks and Recreation" (2009) are as good as "Cheers" (1982-1993), "Night Court" (1994-1992), "The Cosby Show" (1984-1992), "Seinfeld" (1990-1998) and "Friends" (1994-2004). There’s a reason when those shows were on why Thursday night was called “Must See TV.” Stop trying to argue that Jay Leno is as good as Johnny Carson.

What infuriated me most was NBC’s decision to pass on the Wonder Woman series. I had no problems with the Amazonian super heroine’s get-up as worn by actress Adrianne Palicki which underwent many costume changes that included blue spandex pants and boots and got devoted fans so worked up that I found their belly aching on the Internet to be the equivalent of a woman getting their boyfriend all sexually aroused and then denying them their much needed orgasm.

Nor did I have any problem with writer David E. Kelley taking on the project who if the series had been picked up, would have marked his first venture in doing a show based on a comic book versus such notable long running dramas he’s given TV audiences over the years like "Ally McBeal" (1997-2002), "Boston Legal" (2004-2008), "Chicago Hope" (1994-2000) and "The Practice" (1997-2004).

“I hate to disappoint anybody. I know there are legions of fans of the original show,” NBC Entertainment Chairman Robert Greenblatt told Entertainment Weekly back in May. “I don’t know if it’s cursed or what. I just have this one experience. They made a really fine pilot and Adrianne Palicki did a fantastic job. You look at what you have, what you need, and it just didn’t seem to fit in with what we were doing."

“We did what was best for the schedule,” Greenblatt said. “It does give one pause. You’re almost damned if you and damned if you don’t. It’s tricky.”

Well, thanks to his network’s decision, we’ll never know if the Amazonian princess with her gold Lasso of Truth would have really taken off in that invisible plane of hers or if it would have immediately gone down in flames nose first.

I know one thing is certain. I predict the show would have lasted longer than "The Playboy Club", which was gone after just three episodes.



©12/6/11

Could answers to Sandusky’s alleged crimes be found in his 2000 autobiography?

“Within his words…between the lines…lies the truth.”

Such are the phrases I saw splashed across the big screen in the trailer for "Anonymous," director Roland Emmerich’s latest conspiracy minded/non-sci-fi disaster movie that entertains the notion that the famous plays William Shakespeare wrote were actually written by someone else.

Watching that trailer again on YouTube a few days ago made me think how those phrases may well apply to Jerry Sandusky, the former Penn State assistant football coach who was arrested Nov. 5 and charged with 40 counts of child sex abuse involving eight boys.

If any of his family, friends or anyone interested in the Penn State scandal are looking for clues to his dark side, they certainly aren’t checking out Sandusky’s books, "Coaching Linebackers" or "101 Linebacker Drills" which were published back in 2000, on barnesandnoble.com.

Chances are they are searching the Internet in hopes of getting their hands on his 2000 autobiography, "Touched: The Jerry Sandusky Story."

Out of curiosity last week, I searched for that book written by the “Great Pretender” as Sandusky liked to call himself according to an 11/20/11 CNN article by Ann O’Neill and Wayne Drash on the Internet. The book reportedly focuses more on the author’s association with children through his charity, The Second Mile, than he is reveling interested readers with tales of his football glory days as both a player and later a coach.

“He talks a lot in that book about hugging kids, about loving to be around kids,” editor David Newhouse of The Patriot News told CNN’s Piers Morgan. “There’s some chilling things in that book, and it’s only when you put them together with the allegations that you can see, perhaps what he meant.”

Up until a few days ago, the words I saw on amazon’s posting for the book were “Sign up to be notified when this item becomes available.”

Today, I see that used copies of the book are being sold, one for $59.71, the other for $249.50 which is also the same price a seller has listed on eBay.

A few of the books for sale on eBay are reportedly autographed copies signed by the “Great Pretender” himself with the words “May your life be touched with hope and happiness.”

Honestly, I have no interest in getting my hands on what I refer to as “child rapist memorabilia” once Sandusky has his day in court and is possibly convicted of the charges against him nor am I interested in finding out the key to his madness.

Anyone who purchases the book, if they have any common sense, they’ll do what Naperville businessman Joseph Roth did back in 1994 when he purchased 21 paintings done by executed serial killer John Wayne Gacy according to a May 18, 1994 article in the Chicago Tribune and light a match.

Roth’s reason for burning Gacy’s paintings was “to get them off the face of the earth.”

Even if Sandusky is found innocent, anyone with any moral decency should still be more than just a little disturbed when a guy like the “Great Pretender” admits during a Nov. 14 phone interview with Bob Costas on NBC’s "Rock Center with Brian Williams" that he “horsed around” and showered with young boys.

“I am innocent of those charges,” he told Costas.

Unlike the Earl of Oxford (Rhys Ifans) in "Anonymous" (2011) who dies knowing his name will never be attached to the plays he supposedly wrote, if you truly believe in such outlandish “Hollyweird” conspiracy theories, I don’t think I would be too far off in my assumption given the charges against him if Jerry Sandusky wishes he really were “anonymous.”

“It still comes as a shock to us about Jerry,” said NFL Hall of Famer Franco Harris in the 11/20/11 CNN story. “He reached far and wide, and people that were very, very close to him just had no clue. We all believed in what Jerry was doing.”

As family, friends, co-workers and loyal college football fans come to the sudden realization that the man they thought they knew had a sinister dark side, I can’t help but wonder if the line they are now telling themselves is one I also saw displayed in black capital letters in the Anonymous trailer.

“We’ve all been played.” 

11/28/11

"We all know that Christmas is a big commercial racket. It's run by a big eastern syndicate you know."

As I write this column it is now 31 shopping days until Christmas, and I have one question. Is it just me or has anyone noticed that society forgot what Christmas really means?

The public’s belief when it comes to the holiday season every year is buying the right gifts for their son, daughter, mom, dad, relatives and even their dog. Most though don’t do it in a holiday mood. Almost everyone I’ve seen at the malls beginning the day after Thanksgiving is having a bad hair day.

Perhaps there were too many cars in the parking lot because they had to walk a great many miles to get to the store. Or it is simply just too many people packed in the malls to move around freely. Pity the underpaid employees with smiles on their faces who are forced to be courteous to such irate vultures only to have their required acts of kindness thrown back in their faces. A guy I know who has the unfortunate pleasure of working in retail said to me last year, “If these people would go to church, they wouldn’t be so mad all the time.”

“Christmas has become too commercial,” said a woman I know at work who planned on buying only gift certificates for people this year. “It’s all about money.”

It isn’t just about money. Has anyone ever had a perfect stranger wish them a Merry Christmas or Happy New Year? The last time I remember any of that happening was three decades ago. It was one of those rare December days in Chicago where the temperature was in the mid 60s and the sun was out. My mom, my sister and I were riding our bikes in the forest reserve trails; something Dallas doesn’t have. As we passed people by, everyone was wishing each other Merry Christmas whether they were on their bikes or taking a walk. Other than hearing it from co-workers, relatives, parents, and siblings, I have not heard that kind of holiday greeting come out of anyone’s mouths since.

What does Christmas mean to me? When I was in grammar school, Christmas was my favorite time of the year because there was snow on the ground and school was out for about two weeks. The usual ritual for our family was my parents would wake my sister and I up after midnight or 1 a.m. to let us know Santa just left. I would find, in my case, numerous Star Wars toys and space Lego sets near the tree. Toys of which are now gone or were sold to hobby shops for cash. Back then, our usual tradition was spending time at the grandparent’s house, eating dinner and exchanging gifts. I miss those days.

The best thing about Christmas in Dallas today is how people here go all out decorating their homes with lights. Chicago residents can’t do that with all the snow on the ground.

My main concern or focus today is not so much on gift giving. If I want anything, I go buy it myself. Now that we have established why I never have any money, I can say the best thing to get for people is gift certificates. Christmas, however, is more than that. It is spending that one time of the year with family and friends whom you never see except when you talk on the phone. It also means for those of us who go to church only once or twice a year, which is Christmas and Easter, like I do and those who go every week, celebrate the birth of Christ. It is about family and religion.

Not everyone today thinks that way. To them, this holiday is all about money.

To quote Lucy from "A Charlie Brown Christmas" (1965), “We all know that Christmas is a big commercial racket. It's run by a big eastern syndicate, you know.”

Then again, I think the spirit of Christmas died decades ago when NBC bought the rights to show "It's a Wonderful Life" (1946) once a year. I miss those days in December where that film was shown every day up until New Year’s. I don’t know the exact reason why the classic film was made exclusive only to NBC, but I am sure it had something to do with money.

©11/25/11

What's up with the gimp?

“I guess these guys were into the kinky stuff, huh?”

So said Dan Harmon (Dylan McDermott) upon seeing what his wife, Vivien (Connie Britton) stumbled across in the attic of their new Los Angeles home nicknamed “Murder House” that the couple, along with their daughter (Taissa Farmiga), moved into in the pilot episode of "American Horror Story" (2011-Present) premiered on FX in early October.

I had no idea the character in the shiny black rubber latex suit the Harmons saw in the attic was called “Rubber Man” until I read the cover story about the show in the 10/28/11 issue of Entertainment Weekly. Up until that point, the only question I asked myself as I watched the series every week was “What’s up with the gimp?”

I am sure by now most everyone familiar with the psychologically twisted horror drama knows about “Rubber Man.” Even if they haven’t seen the show they might have noticed the TV posters showing a scantily clad and pregnant Connie Britton in black lingerie in a sexy pose who looks like she is about to be ravaged by the man in black who seems to pop out of nowhere like he is on some sort of imaginary sex swing.

If this series was the kind of show the entertainment media can’t stop talking about, I could just picture some reporter doing a feature story about how sales in latex rubber fetish gear have jumped at stores specializing in sadomasochistic equipment. It would be similar to how the Duchess of Cambridge, Kate Middleton, has reportedly helped spike sales of nude pantyhose this year thanks to her always being seen in public wearing nylons.

Just don’t go mistaking my watching American Horror Story as me going back on my word at how I have 400 plus cable stations and can find nothing to watch.

I still don’t know what to make this series. If I were to call it entertaining and feel compelled to buy the season 1 box set that will no doubt follow in the coming months on Blu-ray, I would feel like I need a shower afterwards. The title lives up to its name reeking of unpleasantness exploring subjects that include family dysfunction, infidelity, miscarriages, illegally paid abortions, suicides, high school bullying, mass murder, child kidnappings, cannibalism (though not in the Hannibal Lecter sense, at least not yet anyway) and of course, kinky sex. Then there’s the wild assortment of previous deceased tenants who inhabit the home as ghosts.

I don’t know whether to praise the show for the way it cleverly incorporates ideas and even movie soundtracks from several films in the horror/murder/serial killer genre that include "Bram Stoker's Dracula" (1992), "Hannibal" (2001), "The Haunting in Connecticut" (2009), "Kill Bill: Vol 1" (2003), "Night of the Living Dead" (1968), "The Omen" (1976), "Psycho" (1960), "The Strangers" (2008) and even "The Goonies" (there is some deformed adult baby who also apparently resides in the attic who looks like that abused gentle giant character, Sloth, the kids rescued in that 1985 film).

Or if I should be a little repulsed by the homosexual undertones and disturbed at how the series creators Ryan Murphy ("Glee") (2009-2015) and Brad Falchuk use real life tragic events like the 1999 Columbine High School shootings as inspiration for a couple of the paranormal characters.

There is no denying, however, that all these ingredients are the reason "American Horror Story" 

has become an unexpected cable network hit. FX has already renewed the show for a second season.

I guess I am of two minds on the subject.

“You may hate this show,” said star Dylan McDermott in the Entertainment Weekly article. You may love the show. But you’re going to talk about the show.”

Hence the reason I am writing this column.

At the same time, I share the same feelings actress Connie Britton did after reading the script according to the same article.

“I read the script, and I was like, ‘Um…whaat?’,” Britton said. “I don’t understand. I kind of took a leap of faith.”

I took that same “leap of faith” with "American Horror Story" last month and I have to say I am hooked. Then again, I have always been interested in movies and shows with dark, sinister themes.

The question is will I still want to watch after the identity of “Rubber Man” is reportedly revealed in the Nov. 23 episode. Do I really want to know? 

This show has gone off in so many macabre supernatural directions since its debut that for all I know the notion that I will finally learn what is really up with the guy in the shiny black rubber suit could all just be one big tease.

©11/20/11

Appreciation: Andy Rooney (1919-2011)

I never watched "60 Minutes" on a weekly basis but on the Sundays I did I always made sure to tune in during the last 15 minutes to see what topic commentator Andy Rooney had to gripe about.

It goes without saying that what made “America’s favorite grouch in chief”, as 60 Minutes correspondent Morely Safer called him in a tribute that aired Oct. 2, so popular with viewers for over thirty years was how people identified with practically all the topics he talked about.

“I obviously have a knack for getting on paper what a lot of people have thought and didn’t realize they thought,” Rooney was once quoted saying in a Nov. 5, 2011 article by the Associated Press. “And they say, ‘Hey, yeah!’ And they like that.”

When Rooney died Nov. 4 at the age of 92 as a result of complications following minor surgery and practically a month after delivering his final essay Oct. 2 on 60 Minutes, I immediately searched the Internet, youtube.com and cbsnews.com for a few of those ‘Hey, yeah!’ moments that struck a few chords with me over the years.

Rooney’s Feb. 29, 2004 commentary about the number of movie trailers and needless advertising audiences are inundated with before the film ever starts was one segment I identified with.

“Now, movie theaters have started doing something even worse to delay the start of the picture you just paid to see: They show actual commercials,” Rooney said. “Don’t they understand that’s what we go to a movie to get away from – commercials?”

How true. Today the notion that a movie will actually start at 11:10 a.m. is like saying your doctor will see you at exactly the time of your scheduled appointment. An 11:10 a.m. showing of "Paranormal Activity 3" at the theater, for example, actually means 11:30 after my time has been wasted sitting through trailers I had already seen on the Internet and commercial advertising of upcoming television shows I have no interest in watching. By comparison an 8 a.m. appointment means I am sitting in the examination room for 15 minutes or longer before my doctor actually sees me.

I couldn’t tell if Rooney was more annoyed with British comedian Sacha Baron Cohen or “Ali G”, the character Cohen played in a segment of "Da Ali G Show" in 2004 as the commentator corrected the entertainer’s grammar.

“It’s English,” Rooney told him. “The English language would say, “Do you think the media has changed not ‘Does you think the media has changed.’ I have 50 books on the English language, if you’d like to borrow one.”

I could go on and on about many of the subjects I agreed with him like his Feb. 26, 2006 commentary on "Man’s Best Friend", for example.

“I think dogs are more dependable. They make better friends than people make. Dogs don’t disappoint you the way your people friends do.”

Every now and then Rooney had reason to be serious, if not celebrate, as when U.S. Navy Seals killed Osama bin Laden on May 2.

“There have only been a few times in my life when someone's death has been the occasion for rejoicing,” he said in his May 8, 2011 commentary. “The demise of Adolf Hitler was a good day for the world and a good day for me. The death of Osama bin Laden this week was that kind of day for the world.”

I guess it was just wishful thinking on my part. When Rooney signed off 60 Minutes last month with his final 1,097 essay (it would have been great if he had left us with a nice even number of 1,100), I assumed despite his age that he would a year from now return with a brief commentary. Perhaps this one would be about “retirement” speaking from behind that walnut desk Rooney personally built himself and had placed in his CBS office which he spoke about in a December 6, 2005 column called “Andy’s Favorite Place.”

He did after tell viewers he wasn’t retiring.

“Writers don’t retire, and I’ll always be a writer,” Rooney said.

His passing may well be the moment viewers and colleagues have dreaded. Rooney’s final request to his television audience before signing off was “if you do see me in a restaurant, please, just let me eat my dinner.”

Somewhere in the Heavens, Andy Rooney is doing just that having dinner with his best friend, Walter Cronkite. I suspect, for all eternity, he probably won’t ever have to worry about anyone interrupting his meal, except maybe God.

©11/9/11

On the list of horribles Gadhafi was among the most colorful of America’s real-life villains

I think I learned more humorous tidbits about former Libyan dictator Col. Moammar Gadhafi this year since the downfall of his 42-year regime began last March than I ever did in decades past.

It all ended with his much-publicized bloody death at the hands of his own people in his hometown of Sirte Oct. 20.

I suppose I should thank a friend of mine who posted a blog link on Facebook last March about the dictator's "All-Female Virgin Bodyguard Retinue" which was reposted again as part of an ABC News story recently titled "The Seven Weirdest Things About Moammar Gadhafi."

Apparently, the Mad Dog of the Middle East, a name President Ronald Reagan (1981-1989) called him back then, surrounded himself with female bodyguards who were called "Amazons," took vows of chastity and wore battalion type uniforms and high-heeled boots.

Up until an interview last March, the only Gadhafi quote which proved to me that the leader was having delusions of grandeur was his comment to "ABC News' This Week" host Christiane Amanpour, at the height of the unrest going on in Libya.

"They love me, all my people. They love me all. They will die to protect me, my people."

When the Chicago Tribune came out with a who-said-it quiz in March with quotes from Gadhafi and Charlie Sheen, who at the time was also going through some much-publicized delusions of grandeur of his own, I failed the test.

Reading such quotes from the quiz as "I am like the Queen of England," "I'm dealing with fools and trolls. I'm dealing with soft targets," and "If you love with violence and you hate with violence, there's nothing that can be questioned," I honestly figured both could have said such comments at one time or another.

Today, however, I can add a couple of other quotes to my useless knowledge of Gadhafi trivia that include "Were it not for electricity we would have to watch television in the dark" and "I am not such a dictator that I would shut down Facebook. I'll merely imprison anyone who logs into it."

Then there's the wealth of pictures showing the dictator in his many multi-colored wardrobes at various political functions profiled in an Aug. 12, 2009 issue of Vanity Fair.

The Snoopy hat and leather bomber jacket he wore in December 2007 at the Palace of Versailles, for example.

"Where does this extraordinary individual get the ideas for his wardrobe? Does he have a team of designers back in Tripoli, working up the hundreds of bizarre looks required of a world leader on official business?" said a caption that came with that magazine photo.

"He was without question the strangest foreign leader I had ever interviewed," said CNN host, columnist and author Fareed Zakaria when he interviewed the leader in 2009.

"Gadhafi seemed like he was on drugs – completely out of it. He was bizarre, constantly quoted from his own Green Book and was unaware of what was going on around him. Interviewing Gadhafi was like interviewing Yoda."

I won't speak for the Libyan people who suffered at the hands of Gadhafi's oppressive government or the families who lost loved ones when Pan Am flight 103 fell from the skies in December 1988, the result of a bombing, which he allegedly authorized.

I know I probably won't be far off in my assumption that most if not all of them will agree with me when I say I seriously won't miss the guy.

To quote the line from "Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan" (1982), "Revenge is a dish best served cold" and I am Catholic, though I only attend church services at Easter and Christmas.

Just don't mistake Gadhafi's end as reasons to back slap and give each other high fives something that was apparently going on at the White House the day after he was killed.

I agree with Lt. Col. Oliver North when he was interviewed by conservative radio host Sean Hannity Oct. 21, that the celebrations going on in Libya could be premature.

"There are at least six armed militias who are part of this Transitional National Council — and not part of it as well — there is no agreement as to who is going to lead the country," North said.

"On top of all of that, you have friction between Arabs and Berbers, and in the southern part of the country between North Africans and all the rest of them. And you've still got 20,000 — perhaps even more — surface-to-air, man-portable missiles that are missing from the ordinance depots that Gadhafi had, all of which make a major threat to the United States. This could actually be much worse than what's already happening in Egypt."

Call me a pessimist or Glum, the Lilliputian from "Gulliver's Travels" whose trademark line from that novel was "We're doomed," but I believe it's still too early to tell with Gadhafi gone whether or not this will actually be a good thing for Libya, the United States and the world.

©11/8/11

Appreciation: Steve Jobs (1955-2011)

“I remember the first time I got a Mac I thought when I opened it up, I don’t know if I should turn it on or hug it,” said Today co-host Savannah Guthrie Oct. 6 the day after Apple founder Steve Jobs passed away at age 56. “It (the Mac) was so cute for lack of a better word.”

I don’t know if I would go so far as to wanting to give my new light brown rectangular Quadra 630 that came with a cd-rom, floppy disk drive and exterior modem a big hug upon getting it though I did come pretty close. The machine was my very first computer and what made it so special was the fact it came from Apple.

I have owned three other Apple computers since 1995 that include the 1999 blue and white PowerMac G3 whose monitor was so heavy and bothersome to lug around back and forth from storage I am sure that’s the reason I got back problems today. The others are the 2001 iBook G3 laptop and the 2007 iMac.

Along with those macs I have owned are two personal computers from Dell. Guess which computers I got sitting in storage still work today, albeit marginally slower than the current updated technology out there? It’s the Apple computers. Of the two Dell machines I own, one lasted less than a year where the hard drive went out while the virus protection software on the laptop expired and I have no intention of paying more money to renew it. I have NEVER had to pay extra for any security software for the Apple computers I have bought.

I don’t know about anyone else but I have never had any trouble with Apple’s products in the 20 plus years I have been using them. The software/hardware issues I had with the Macs, which were rare, was usually my own fault. When the hard drive on my iMac this year burned out, I am fairly certain the reason had to do with my downloading a Lego building program off the Internet that was too large for the hard drive to take.

Whenever I bought an Apple computer it really was as conservative talk show host Rush Limbaugh said on his Oct. 6 radio show when he commented on Jobs’ passing like I was a kid who couldn’t wait to open up that huge present sitting under the tree on Christmas Eve.
>
“It’s difficult as an adult to have childlike wonderment,” Limbaugh said who for the past 23 years has often spoken of his love for Apple products. “How soon do we all outgrow the excitement that as children we all felt on Christmas Eve, and how many of us wish by magic that we could recapture it? To find out, to rediscover that total, unbounded passion of childlike exuberance, excitement, innocence, uncluttered by the rigors of life lived as an adult. And for me, speaking honestly, the introduction of every new Apple product ignited that in me.”

I could buy a personal computer anytime and it never mattered to me what company the product came from. What made buying a new Apple computer was the fact every one of them I purchased the past 15 years was the company’s latest product that just got put out on the market.

Just a few weeks ago at Best Buy I checked out the small assortment of Apple products located in the back of the store near all the personal computers. Every year in December I always buy something big as a personal birthday/Christmas present to myself. I was again considering another iMac that will have a much larger screen this time.

I can understand why Apple buffs got excited whenever Jobs unveiled a new product to the world. Just last week I heard one of my co-workers, who is also a fan of Apple, complain about the new iPhone 4S coming out Oct. 14 citing how the company will do anything to tease her into spending more money.

Unlike most fans of Apple products, I didn’t realize until a few days after Jobs’ passing how for the past twenty years since I went into majoring in Journalism that the technology Jobs created was almost part of my daily routine. I basically took what the Macs offered in terms of graphics and technology for granted. I didn’t just use the machines to write columns, news stories and reviews and browse the web but to alter photographs and create web pages. Obviously it is no secret today that one of the reasons Apple has so many devoted fans is because of the graphics.

Today, I and countless others use them to download music and watch movies by Pixar as a result of Jobs’ contributions. I never would have known the day would come where I can toss a majority of the compact discs I got and put all the music I listen to into one little iPod that I can either hook up to a USB port in the car and select various songs to play while driving or doing the elliptical at 24 Hour Fitness.

I hope as a result of Jobs’ untimely passing that this does not mark the end where upon my buying my next Apple computer, I will no longer exhibit that “childlike exuberance” Limbaugh spoke about or get that touchy feeling Savannah Guthrie had where upon getting her first Mac, she wasn’t sure if she should either turn it on or hug it.

Our loss though is Heaven’s gain and should it turn out there isn’t such a place, to quote Sonia Taitz’s Oct. 6 blog posting at www.soniataitz.com, “Steve Jobs will invent one. And it will be user-friendly and available to all.”

©10/10/11

Nothing wrong in liking a hit song with violent lyrics

A few weeks ago, while working out with my fitness trainer I heard a song on the radio for the first time this year called "Pumped Up Kicks" by the American pop group, Foster the People.

Granted, I am not much into what the younger than 40 generation listens to today, but I thought the hit song had a good beat to it and was the kind of tune people might dance to at a nightclub.

“’Pumped Up Kicks’ is one of those songs that blends something really familiar with something that’s very modern,” said the band's vocalist, guitarist and keyboardist Mark Foster in an interview with Billboard magazine on www.songfacts.com. “It’s a song where you could lay on the couch and listen to it or you can get up and dance around the room to it.”

Like Amy Winehouse’s Rehab whose opening line “They tried to me go to rehab I said, “no, no, no” I could not get out of my head for a few days after she passed away in July, I soon found myself singing the chorus lyrics of Pumped Up Kicks and I didn’t feel the least bit guilty about it although I am sure some of you might find the lyrics disturbing which go like this.

All the other kids with the pumped up kicks
You'd better run, better run, outrun my gun
All the other kids with the pumped up kicks
You'd better run, better run, faster than my bullet

Even as I write this column, I can’t stop singing those lines to myself.

If I had shed any disgust over the song's lyrics my reaction would have been the equivalent of that scene in "Easy A" (2010) where despite calling Natasha Bedingfield’s "A Pocket Full of Sunshine" “the worst song ever!”, Olive (Emma Stone) winds up singing it to herself several times one weekend while doing her nails and taking a shower.

When my trainer told me about the lyrics from "Pumped Up Kicks" had to do with a mall shooting that happened a while back, my only question to him was, “Which shooting?” If there was any controversy surrounding this song, I know I would have heard about it much like the controversy that plagued rock artist Marilyn Manson after Eric Harris' and Dylan Klebold’s killing spree at Columbine High School in April 1999 that left 13 dead, and 21 others wounded before the two killed themselves. It was argued that Manson’s music along with violent movies influenced the two shooters.

Trouble is I couldn’t find much proof while searching the Internet that the lyrics of "Pumped Up Kicks" had any connection to nor did I find it to be about the December 2007 Westroads Mall shooting in Omaha, Nebraska where 19-year-old Robert Hawkins killed nine people including himself.

The only connection I can find with this song is the person’s name mentioned in the lyrics with plans of going postal is “Robert.”

"'Pumped Up Kicks' is about a kid that basically is losing his mind and is plotting revenge,” Foster told Spinner UK in a quote on songfacts.com. “He's an outcast. I feel like the youth in our culture are becoming more and more isolated. It's kind of an epidemic. Instead of writing about victims and some tragedy, I wanted to get into the killer's mind, like Truman Capote did in In Cold Blood. I love to write about characters. That's my style. I really like to get inside the heads of other people and try to walk in their shoes."

I suppose I would have felt differently if the 2011 music video of the song, which boasts 24 million hits on YouTube's VEVO channel, actually told a four-minute story about a kid plotting revenge. What is shown, however, are clips of the band members having fun in and out of the recording studio.

The difference in the way I listen to music and what others might do is I listen to songs in hopes of being entertained. I don’t look up the lyrics from various bands to see if they are referencing drug use, sex and violence and then decide whether or not those songs are appropriate to listen to.

Hearing people analyzing a hit song’s supposedly dark lyrics makes me want to repeat the comment that Nick, the cynical drug dealing character William Hurt played in "The Big Chill" (1983) said to his college buddy, Sam (Tom Berenger), while watching a movie.

“You’re so analytical,” Nick says. “Sometimes you just have to let art flow over you.”

Songs like "Pumped Up Kicks" are not going to influence some disturbed individual to go on a killing spree. Chances are the person harboring those thoughts was already screwed up mentally long before they ever heard the lyrics.

To quote one woman’s comment I read on the Pumped Up Kicks Facebook page, which has over 11,000 likes on whether or not listening to this song will cause her to go off the deep end she wrote, “I love it! No change in behavior yet :p."

©9/29/11

Needless movie remakes NEVER replace the originals

If the release date of "Footloose" and "The Thing" fell on Friday the 13th instead of Friday Oct. 14, I would warmly welcome that day of bad luck in hopes both these movies flop at the box office.

If you don’t know already Footloose is an update of the 1984 dance movie that starred Kevin Bacon. "The Thing," on the other hand, is being called a “prequel” to director John Carpenter’s 1982 sci-fi, horror classic. Watching "The Thing" trailer, however, the film seems to have the word I most dread hearing these days, “remake” written all over it from the flamethrowers the characters use to battle the alien to the scene of the dogs being taken over by “The Thing” which was similar to a shot done in Carpenter’s earlier work.

If there is any difference between this one and the 82’ version, other than perhaps the filmmakers’ feeble attempts to out gross the other with computer generated visual effects is that this update features two female characters.

I don’t want to hear how excited young audiences might be about the "Footloose" remake featuring Kenny Wormald in the Bacon role as the young outsider who stirs up trouble for a farming community that has outlawed dancing and rock music and has his sights set on the daughter (Julianne Hough) of the town’s bible preacher played by Dennis Quaid.



Like "The Thing" trailer, I found the Footloose preview to be nothing more than an uninspired replica of the original’s characters played by Kevin Bacon, Lori Singer and John Lithgow. All right there is one difference between this update and the 1984 movie. The yellow Volkswagen beetle Wormald’s Ren McCormack drives has a black stripe painted on the side.

If there is any reason why I no longer get much joy out of reviewing, in many cases, it’s usually trashing movies, it’s that I have had all I can take of being subjected to 3D, franchise comic book movies ("Thor", "X-Men: First Class"), movies based on toys and games (Transformers and next Summer’s Battleship) predictable so-called real life stories that never happened that are shot “Paranormal Activity” style ("Apollo 18") and needless remakes of old films, many of which were already perfect to begin with.

Like Congress and President Obama who exhibit no redeeming thought processes on how to handle the country’s mounting debt, “Hollyweird” is in a deep dark creative slump they have no idea how to get out of. Like the nation’s rising debt, the number of unnecessary remakes “Hollyweird” has lined up is increasing.

Already being prepared are remakes of "The Black Hole" (1979), "Blade Runner" (1982), "The Bodyguard" (1992) "Carrie" (1976), "Dirty Dancing" (1987), "Firestarter" (1984), "Hellraiser" (1987), "Logan’s Run" (1976), "The Osterman Weekend" (1983), "Point Break" (1991), "Red Dawn" (1984 – already completed), "Total Recall" (1990), "Wargames" (1983) and what is clearly a huge slap in the face to director Sam Peckinpah, "The Wild Bunch" (1969).

This growing list makes me want to yell out the one-word Darth Vader uttered at the end of "Star Wars – Episode III: Revenge of the Sith" (2005) after being told he killed his wife that made Star Wars fans, depending on who you talk to, cringe.

“Nooooooooooooooo!”

There really should be some rules in place when it comes to remaking movies like waiting 40 years or more, if at all, before revamping a classic to make spending one’s money to see it justified. Look no further than the impressive remakes of "Casino Royale" (2006), "King Kong" (2005), "Ocean’s Eleven" (2001) "Scarface" (1983) and "True Grit" (2010) for examples.

Today’s remakes are nothing more than curiosity pieces where a majority of them are barely worthy of a total makeover. In a perfect world, I hope "The Thing" and Footloose suffer the same box office fates that befell this year’s remakes of "Arthur" (1981), "Fright Night" (1985) and the "Conan the Barbarian" (1982) reboot where audiences were smart enough to stay home. I was one of them.

Unfortunately, I don’t see that happening on opening weekend. I predict both movies will be successful because as P.T. Barnum once said, “There’s a sucker born every minute” and so long as there are young audiences stupid enough to waste their hard-earned money to see a redo, there will always be remakes.

So excuse me if instead of uttering the words Bacon’s Ren McCormack shouted out at the end of the 84’ movie at the senior prom, “Let’s dance!”, I’d much rather yell out “Fire!” inside a dark theater.

When it comes to movie remakes, I am reminded of a quote I came across on IMDB.com that Orson Welles once said should his black and white film, Citizen Kane (1941), be colorized by media mogul, Ted Turner.

“Keep Ted Turner and his goddamned Crayola's away from my movie,” Welles said.

If I made a movie as great as "Citizen Kane" (1941) today in a filmmaking world flooded with unnecessary remakes and an astounding lack of fresh ideas, my comment to the studios would be similar and I wouldn’t give a damn who I offend.

“Keep Hollyweird and their money grubbing hands off remaking my f-----g movie and come up with something original for a change damn it!”

©9/16/11

No reason to celebrate release of Star Wars Blu-rays in September...well, the original trilogy that is

I couldn’t help but laugh at how Star Wars fans at last August’s Celebration V in Orlando, Florida applauded upon seeing a never-before-seen deleted opening scene from "Return of the Jedi" (1983) accompanying the announcement from creator George Lucas that both the original and prequel trilogies were coming to Blu-ray in late 2011.

Unlike those excited fans, I saw no reason whatsoever at hearing the news the original trilogy was coming to Blu-ray for the sole reason these aren’t going to be the original 1977, 1980 and 1983 versions I, and countless others remember watching in theaters and on video that will be released. What we will get instead are those unnecessary 1997 Special Editions.

Everyone my age who remembers seeing episodes IV-VI has a story of when they saw "Star Wars", "The Empire Strikes Back" and "Return of the Jedi" the first time. I am sure most recall the long lines outside movie theaters as back then, blockbuster movies were not released on 2000 screens nationwide. They were released on only 500 screens, if that many, and they weren’t released three months later on Blu-ray and DVD like they are now.

I still remember the packed theaters and cheers from the audience as the Death Star was blown up at the end of Star Wars and the laughs from the kids who embraced the little teddy bears called Ewoks. My sister couldn’t look at the screen when Luke Skywalker (Mark Hamill) removed Darth Vader’s mask near the end of "Return of the Jedi" so his father can look upon his son with his own eyes before dying.

I remember the scene in "The Empire Strikes Back" when one of the Imperial officers tells Captain Needa that Lord Vader wants an update on the pursuit of the Millenium Falcon, I heard someone in the audience, knowing full well that that officer was about to meet an early demise getting an invisible choke-hold from Darth Vader in an upcoming scene, yell, “He’s dead now!”

My parents did not take me to see "Star Wars" until August 1977 a few days before I was to begin second grade. We arrived about 10-15 minutes late, so it wasn’t until we stayed for the next showing to see what we missed that I was able to figure what the story was about. Up until that time, I was more in awe of all the visual effects and hot shot pilot Han Solo’s sarcastic self-assuredness.

When I saw "The Empire Strikes Back" in summer 1980, I was disappointed that the film ended on a cliffhanger. I got a little emotional seeing Han Solo (Harrison Ford) being put into carbon freeze and taken away by bounty hunter Boba Fett. I’d have to wait until summer 1983 for him to be rescued and for the Empire to be defeated.

While I admit "Return of the Jedi" could have gone out with a bigger bang, I still look back on that film today with a sense of nostalgia. I was going into second grade when I saw Star Wars and for the next three to four years my interest would be in Star Wars toys.

I was going into eighth grade when I saw "Return of the Jedi." The following year I would be a freshman in high school. With the original trilogy ending in 1983, I saw it as a closing chapter of my grade school years especially since by the time I was in eighth grade my interest in Star Wars toys was already fading.

While I did like how the special edition of "Return of the Jedi" ended on a more dramatic note showing celebrations of the Empire’s demise on a few planets, I did not need to see Hayden Christensen from episodes II and III (2002-2005) replace Sebastian Shaw playing Anakin Skywalker’s ghost at the end standing alongside the apparitions of an older Ben Kenobi (Alec Guinness) and Yoda.

George Lucas has made millions constantly merchandising an old product to death the past 30 plus years. Restoring the originals on Blu-ray would no doubt cost his “Empire” millions but surely, he realizes he’d get all that money back if he’d release those along with the special editions.

I won’t lie and say I won’t “double-dip” and not buy the 9-disc Blu-ray set Sept. 16 like I have done with several old personal favorites released on the format and tossing the DVDs. I’ll watch all those never-before-seen deleted scenes. I’ll also enjoy seeing those “Making of” documentaries of the original trilogy again which haven’t been seen since being released on VHS before I put the box set on the shelf never to open it again. The only time I will watch the six films will be when Spike TV shows them every few months except, I’ll just have them on in the background just to have something to listen to while I am doing something else.

Until the founder of "The Force" changes his mind, which at this point I predict will be never, I will settle for those less than technologically stellar 2006 DVD theatrical versions of the original trilogy Lucas released that were reportedly the laserdisc transfers if I really want to watch them again. The picture quality isn’t great as some scenes I noticed were darker than others, but these are the versions I’d much rather see than the Blu-ray set everyone’s going to be buying Sept. 16.

I’ll watch a group of dancing teddy bears sing “yuck-yuck” at the end of "Return of the Jedi" any day over seeing Greedo shoot Han Solo first in the cantina or crime lord Jabba the Hutt be told he is a “wonderful human being” when he, or it, is not a human being but a big fat lumbering slobbering alien space slug.

©8/17/11

Gone Too Soon: Amy Winehouse (1983-2011)

I think the statement goes without saying that the moment the news broke July 23 that British singer Amy Winehouse passed away tragically in London at age 27, the first thing fans and non-fans like myself recalled was her 2007 Grammy award winning hit, “Rehab.”

I know I did. I still can’t stop uttering the first line of the lyrics which starts out with the line, “They tried to make me go to rehab, I said no, no, no.” Me, being a rebel in my own quiet way, I saw her lyrics as though this was one’s way of fighting against those who think they know what’s best for an addict.

It’s no secret that as a result of Winehouse’s well-publicized battles with substance abuse, which landed her in and out of rehab centers, and court appearances over the past decade that the entertainment media had her obituary prepared long before the end came.

The singer’s mother, Janis Winehouse, was quoted July 24 in the Sunday Mirror saying her daughter’s death was “only a matter of time.”

Although I find her untimely passing not at all surprising in what I can probably safely assume was a drug overdose though toxicology results will not be known for several weeks, I never once looked deeper into the lyrics of “Rehab” in search of their true meaning despite the fact the song mirrored Winehouse’s personal problems. I just found it to be a catchy tune.

Now that the tattooed singer with the Marge Simpson beehive hairdo is gone, however, I won’t be surprised if people look back on those lyrics and her too short list of other hit singles from her 2006 Grammy Award winning album, “Back to Black.” for ironic parallels to her private life as opposed to just enjoying her music.

The YouTube video, for example, of “Back to Black” I watched recently which shows her attending the funeral service for who I assume is a boyfriend looked as though she was preparing for her own eventual farewell. The song, as well as the album, was supposedly inspired by her failed 2007 marriage to boyfriend Blake Fielder-Civil who she divorced in 2009 according to Time.

When Winehouse cut short her European concert tour in June as a result of a disastrous performance in Belgrade, Serbia staggering around on stage and barely able to get through any of her songs, I am certain disappointed fans hoped this was not the beginning of the end.

Up until her passing, I never heard of such a morbid group the Grammy award winning artist is a now a member of in death called the “Forever 27” club whose other deceased rock stars who went before their time at age 27 as a result of either substance abuse include Janis Joplin, Jimi Hendrix and The Doors' Jim Morrison, and in the case of Nirvana’s Kurt Cobain, suicide.

There have been times I have often found myself appreciating the talents of a singer or actor only after they have passed on. I watched a few of Winehouse’s music videos on VEVO recently through YouTube where the hit numbers on several of her works are now in the millions and liked her hit song, “Back to Black.”

I don’t know if I will download the rest of her work though. The day after her death, however, her 2006 album went to number one on iTunes. Like Michael Jackson, who had recorded several songs before his death in June 2009 which were released months later, Winehouse reportedly finished a duet with singer Tony Bennett on the Johnny Greene song, “Body and Soul” in March this year. The song will be part of Bennett’s upcoming 17 track album, Duets II, due in stores Sept. 20 according to The Hollywood Reporter. It's also been reported she may have recorded a dozen new songs in preparation for a third album though there is no word yet on when or if they will be released.

For now, Amy Winehouse’s “Rehab” and now “Back to Black” will be a part of my personal list of several hit singles I have enjoyed listening to over the years from other female vocalists that include Sara Bareilles, Natasha Bedingfield, Sheryl Crow, Enya, Avril Lavigne, Sarah McLachlan and even Britney Spears.

I’ll have her two hits playing on my iPod. If I ever get it set up that is.

©7/30/11

400 plus cable stations and NOTHING to watch

“Joe, step away from the TV.”

That was a comment Heather Pritchett, a friend of mine and co-worker, posted on Facebook back in December after reading a few comments I posted on her page referencing various television shows.

Although I am 110 percent certain she was joking, I admit I was a little offended at first as she made it sound as though all I do on my off time is watch television when in fact, that’s far from it. To be precise, ever since I got hooked up with AT&T U-verse back in 2007 my attitude has been I got 400 plus cable stations here (I don’t have the movie stations) and I can find NOTHING to watch!

If there is any reason why I do know about what’s been aired on recently and know, for example, that Steve Carell left "The Office", and Katie Couric, Mary Hart, Regis Philbin, Meredith Vieira and Oprah Winfrey are retiring from their day jobs, if they haven’t already, is because I do keep up with the entertainment trade magazines and what is reported on the Internet. Ninety percent of the time when I do have the television on, it’s to have something on in the background to listen to while I am doing something else and that includes the news.

Truth be damned, I sit on my ass enough as it is between working in front of the computer and blogging and going to see movies that the last thing I truly want to do when I get home is watch television.

Looking at the list of 31 TV shows that ABC, NBC, FOX, CBS and THE CW canceled this season, I find there were only two series I found marginally worthy of my time this year if I had been home on the nights they aired (or knew how to use the DVR (digital video recorder) which I haven’t bothered to learn yet). Those two shows were "Law & Order: Los Angeles" which actually got better with the recent reboot with the killing off of Skeet Ulrich's character though I still didn’t like the depressing “ripped from the headlines” episodes and the science fiction remake, "V," which lasted one season longer than its NBC predecessor (1984-1985). I suppose I should thank ABC for giving "V" a chance, but I am still ticked off at what they did to "Battlestar Galactica" (1978-79). Now that "Law & Order: Los Angeles" and "V" are gone, I can't say I am going to miss them.

In fact, I am not the least bit sorry I haven’t kept up with a majority of what today’s viewing audience watches. I work Sundays so I have no idea the dirty laundry the women of Wisteria Lane on "Desperate Housewives" have been up to for a few seasons now. I can’t remember what the last episode of "The Simpsons" I saw. I don’t know why viewers love "Modern Family" nor am I interested in finding out.

I am not sorry I missed the several train wrecks on Dancing with the Stars seeing various celebrities prove to audiences they got rhythm. Though I did catch five minutes of reality star Kate Gosselin dancing last season and agreed that she can’t dance and this is coming from someone who also has no rhythm either.

Nor am I upset to have missed Simon Cowell belittle more than hundreds of contestants on "American Idol." I’ll watch Gordon Ramsay lose his temper with want-to-be chefs on "Hell’s Kitchen" or for that matter, view brief clips on YouTube of Paul Teutel Sr. argue with his son, Paul Jr. about his son's chronic tardiness on "American Chopper" if I need to be entertained.

I am literally bored to death (no pun intended) of all the Law & Order, CSI, NCIS spin-offs and forensics shows like "Bones."

I am interested in seeing AMC’s "The Walking Dead" one of these days but not now. That’s what DVD season box sets are for.

As I read through the list of new shows for the Fall 2011-2012 season, I can’t say I am terribly excited about any of the major network’s offerings either. NBC dropped "Wonder Woman" and the other two shows I have a vague interest in watching like "Pan Am," a drama about female flight attendants set during the airline's early days and "The Playboy Club," about the women bunnies in their skimpy outfits back in the 1960s will be nothing more than male eye candy.

The truth is television today has changed. There is no such thing anymore as “Must See TV” on Thursdays-like back in the mid-1980s when shows like "The Cosby Show" (1984-1992), "Cheers" (1982-1993) and "Night Court" (1984-1992) were on. There are no worthy dramas out there like "Hill Street Blues" (1981-1987), "St. Elsewhere" (1982-1988) or "Dallas" (1978-1991). Most everything in terms of award-winning dramas (and I can’t really say any of them are “award winning”) has gone to the cable networks, if for no other reason are that they are cheaper for the studios because they don’t always have to churn out a full season of 20 plus episodes.

Soap operas are now an endangered species with the cancellations of "All My Children" and "One Life to Live" this January.

"We are taking this bold step to expand our business because viewers are looking for different types of programming these days,” said Brian Frons, ABC’s daytime department president in a 4/14/11 column on the Huffington post website. "They are telling us there is room for informative, authentic and fun shows that are relatable, offer a wide variety of opinions and focus on 'real life' takeaways."

Television to me has gotten to the point where the best thing to do now is to just turn it off. To quote another scene from a classic TV series which would no doubt get Heather to again tell me to “Step away from the TV,” I refer to an episode of "The Cosby Show" where Rudy (Keshia Knight Pulliam) can’t find anything to do. Cliff (Bill Cosby) tells her he has over a million dollars' worth of books sitting in her room she could read.

I got quite a few books and magazines all sitting in storage that I hope to get to one of these days. I have often considered just turning “The Boob Tube” off and do just that. There lies the problem. I like to read where I know I won’t have any distractions. I don’t have that luxury right now.

Sitting in bed at night trying to read George W. Bush’s "Decision Points," I find it hard to not be drawn to picking up that remote on my nightstand. Like everything else, looking to see what’s on television is like an addiction. No matter how much I complain about how there’s nothing worthy of my time on, I just can’t bring myself to leave that damn remote alone.

Excuse me now while I go look for something to watch.

©5/20/11