Let me say this again so you understand.
I HATE, HATE, HATE, HATE, HATE, HATE, HATE, HATE, HATE, HATE, HATE, HATE, HATE CELLULAR PHONES AND DESPISE PEOPLE WHO TALK ON THEM WHILE DRIVING!!!
Don’t misunderstand. I have nothing against new technology. I, for the most part, embrace it. I was one of the few people who paid $700 for a DVD player a few years ago that now costs $300.
There will no doubt come a time when I will buy a High-Density Television set (HDTV) or have my home hooked up to satellite instead of cable. There may even come a day when I’ll be forced to be like everyone else and buy a personal computer. That is when Apple goes out of business or Hell freezes over. Whichever comes first.
I will not, however, embrace the world of cellular phones. They are nothing but a nuisance. They are like credit cards. You can’t leave home without one. The only reason why I have a credit card, and a cellular phone is in case the car breaks down. If there was ever an assurance in life that my vehicle would never, ever break down I’d never own a mobile phone.I am so far behind on cellular phone technology that a coworker laughed when he saw the giant mobile phone I was recharging on my desk.
It is the kind of phone that if I had it in my back pants pocket, my jeans would either rip or I’d wind up walking funny the rest of my life.
Yes, I know there are phones out there now that fold up into a nice neat little box that is almost the size of a wallet. I also know that some of them can even tell you when you have email.
I pay, or should I say, waste $37 a month to Southwestern Bell Wireless for a phone I will probably use only once. I know there are better deals out there that allow me to pay less and buy a better phone, but I despise the technology so much that I don’t have the patience to talk to the phone center at Best Buy.
Nor do I believe that a donation to some worthy cause will bring me face-to-face with an admiringly tall, good looking blond or brunette standing on the other side of the Verizon wireless phone desk as seen in those TV commercials.
The fact I have to listen to them ring whether I am in class, at the mall, bookstore or even in a movie theater is enough to make my blood pressure go up. When I saw the movie, “Cast Away” (2000), some inconsiderate jerk’s cellphone went off at least five times the entire time Tom Hanks’ character was stranded on the island (this was practically through almost the whole film). I thought at first the Hanks’ character had a cellphone on him and he was too delirious to realize it was ringing.I don’t hate cellphones because they supposedly pose a health hazard where one’s brain will resemble a giant sponge soaked up with radiation after years of phone usage. If I was that concerned about getting a brain tumor, I would have moved away from the house I now live in years ago. It sits underneath an electrical tower that makes buzzing noises whenever there is a dense fog or heavy drizzle and according to environmentalists gives off radiation. (If such is true, it could explain the reason for my hair loss).
I do, however, firmly believe they pose a health risk for fellow drivers on the road, and I don’t need to research articles on the Internet to prove my theory. If they don’t cause car accidents, they sure as hell cause aggravation for those people who don’t use them.
Consider a friend of mine. When his vehicle broke down on the interstate and was barely off on the side of the road praying no one would hit him as he waited for the tow truck to arrive, he said 85 percent of the drivers he noticed go by were yapping on their cellphones.
Then there is the ticked off driver of an 18-wheeler whom I saw in the left turning lane a few weeks ago honking at the idiot in front of him in the SUV telling him it was time to turn.
And what was the driver in the SUV doing as I saw him turn? He had his head cocked near the window on the driver’s side like he was going to sleep. Nicely tucked in between his head and shoulders was that damn cellphone as he was slowly making a left turn with barely two hands on the wheel.
It was yet another demonstration out of hundreds where people are too busy talking on the phone and paying little if any attention to the road.
If I were a Texas congressman, the first thing on my agenda would be to pass a law keeping people from using cellular phones while driving and to make sure anyone caught driving with one in their hands is fined just as much for speeding or for not wearing a seatbelt.
It would, however, be a losing battle. I would probably aggravate all the cellular phone companies who’d leave threatening messages on my answering machine saying I’m interfering with their business. My law would lose out to a bunch of whining babies who say it’s their God given right to talk on a cellphone when they drive and if I take away their right to use one in the car, I am taking away their personal freedom.
Then I’d have to explain to such people whose intelligence is lower than the ones in Florida who don’t know how to fill out a presidential ballot, that all my law is saying is people can use their cellphones anytime they want to so long as they’re not in the car while driving.
I’d love to see a law like this passed in Texas. I doubt it ever will. I do know one thing is certain.
Remember the little white dog who became the symbol for road rage when he got thrown out in the middle of a busy street by a guy who was rear-ended by a woman last year?
If I ever get into an accident and it is caused by some idiot driver talking on a cellular phone while driving, there is one thing that’s going to go flying through the air and I assure you, it won’t be the family dog.
©1/24/2001
